(Closed) Do I HAVE to invite my future SIL??

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 17
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think you need to talk to your Fiance about it. If you choose not to invite her, you both need to be able to live with the repercussions. 

Post # 18
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

Yea agree with the talking to your Fiance thing. If they are close you may cause a rift there that is bigger than any purse being stolen

Post # 19
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Is your wedding date right?  I mean you have three years to think about it.  She could be a completely different person in three years. 

What will your in laws think if you don’t invite her?  

Post # 20
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Invite her. She s about to be you’re sister. 

then get her help, she needs help and you are family now. 

Post # 21
2405 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with people who say you need to come up with a decision after a long talk with your Fiance. It needs to be an agreement between the two of you. How does he feel? I’d hate to think he was totally fine with the fact that his sister has stolen from his Fiance and started a physical fight with her. If the two of you can’t talk this through and come up with a mutually agreed upon decision, I’d have serious doubts about going through with the marriage. You need to know he’s on your side.

Post # 22
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@BB0117:  Unfortunately, it’s not entirely up to you.  Your Fiance ultimately has to make that call.  And his parents feelings need to be considered as well.  If his folks won’t acknowledge their daughter is a klepto, and want her to be invited… well if you don’t, you could be starting off your marriage on really bad terms.

It’s a tough situation.  But it’s really out of your hands.  Sorry.

Post # 23
800 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If your Fiance and his family accept and acknowledge that she is a thief, then you don’t have to invite her. There’s no etiquette rule that says you have to invite someone who will steal from the other guests.

If the family doesn’t acknowledge that she’s a thief… then it gets very sticky. You don’t have to invite her, but you may cause a rift with them if you don’t. You and your Fiance have to be together 100% on this so that if/when his family pushes back, they can’t drive a wedge between you.

I wouldn’t have a thief at my wedding, period, no matter who else might be upset. That’s just incredibly unfair to the other guests. But then I also don’t really give a shit about people being upset about decisions that aren’t theirs to make.

Post # 25
3189 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@HisIrishPrincess:  good point, I didn’t notice how far away the date is. Three years out is pretty early to be worrying about the exact guest list, a lot can change in that amount of time.

Post # 26
1677 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@HisIrishPrincess:  I agree with this. I know its something that would be weighing on my mind, but not something I would try to decide right now. 3 years is sooo long.

Post # 27
3372 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve never been a ‘family always gets invited. period’ type person. Being related doesn’t excuse bad behavior, especially stealing from you – that is ridiculous! I would definitely talk to your Fiance about it. It is his sister, but you are going to be his wife. If he agrees that she shouldn’t be there, I would definitely not invite her despite what FI’s family thinks. If your Fiance doesn’t agree with you though then that could be difficult and you might have to conceed.

Post # 28
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

All I have to say is… watch your gift table and your card box!




Also, if she is invited give people a heads up. When I am at a wedding I will often times leave my purse unattended because I assume that we are all family looking out for each others’ things. I can see now where that could be a bad idea.


Post # 29
70 posts
Worker bee

Personally I say screw etiquette – but this is definitaly something your fiance needs to take the lead on as far as the final decision and telling the family is concerned. If he’s not on board it’s not worth it. I’d rather deal with a theif inlaw than have my new husband resent me for causing family drama.

If you do decide to invite her be very careful with gifts and the guest’s belongings – I’ve been to a wedding where the brides sister stole ALL the gifts – or at least that’s what the bride and her parents told us before asking for us to give more gifts/money. Sigh. My family is super classy.

Post # 31
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I wouldn’t marry a guy who let his sister steal from me, honestly.  Her thieving ass belongs in jail.

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