(Closed) Do I HAVE to invite my future SIL??

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 34
Member
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@BB0117:  This is a frustrating situation because I’ve heard horror stories of gifts and money going missing from the gift table at weddings and it sounds like something she would try to do.

Unfortunately if she is still involved in the family dynamics (and it sounds like she is since she was sleeping at your in laws house) you are obligated to invite her. That being said, I would have a trusted friend descretely keep an eye on her so none of your valuables or gifts go missing.

Hope it all works out!

Post # 35
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@BB0117:

Talk to your fiance and see what he says about not inviting her.  If he feels the same than don’t but if he wants her there I guess you should invite her.

I deffinately would talk to him and tell him she is no longer welcomed in the house.

Post # 36
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

i completely understand. my future SIL has been nothing but mean and rude to me and has spent the whole time i have known her trying to turn her mother against me and trying to break me and her brother up. I really don’t want her at the wedding, but she is my fiances only sister and they are really close. I have told him how i feel and he understands and even doesn’t mind if we don’t ever hang out or even speak to each other, but he really wants her at the wedding. i would say no though. 

Post # 37
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Your Future Sister-In-Law sounds like my sister. She stole 360 dollars from my parents one week. And then stole my FI’s apple tv when she came home the next week. We are pressing charges.

Post # 38
Hostess
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@BB0117:  That’s the thing though, it’s not YOUR wedding day. It’s your and your FI’s wedding day. So his sister should be there if he wants her to be. 

Post # 39
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2005

I agree that this is your fiance’s decision.  If he decides not to invite her, it won’t be you causing the rift.  Being the one to disinvite her could burn bridges with other in-laws. 

They could blame you anyway, but in that case your fiance should stick up for you and tell them it was his call.  It is also a good way to set the tone for your marriage.  My father-in-law made a huge stink about the seating at the engagement party.  My husband defended me, refused to let his father anywhere near me until he got over it (months later) and stood his ground as an adult.  It was actually a good way to know my future husband would always be on my side and strong for me; he’s very nonconfrontatinal so he had not had that opportunity until then.  Eight years later, that is *exactly* the kind of husband he has been.

Post # 40
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

How do you think your mother in law will take things of her daughter is not invited. Trust me you wont even notice her at the wedding

Post # 42
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@BB0117:  I’m usually a stickler for proper etiquette, and often tell people to suck it up and do the adult thing. I really don’t think you should invite her. Doing the adult thing in this case is not inviting her, because you know she’s trouble and given the chance she’d probably steal from your other guests. That’s not the sort of person you want at your wedding. 

 

If your future in laws kick up a fuss, tell them that your Future Sister-In-Law has a problem and you’re not comfortable with her being involved in your big day. You have to think about your guests and given her tack record she’s just not trustworthy. Be polite but firm. Your Future Sister-In-Law is obviously deeply troubled and maybe a push like this will encourage your in laws to get her help. 

 

By not inviting your Future Sister-In-Law, you’ll be showing her that her actions have consequences and that she can’t treat people that way. Despite what other bees say, stealing from your family is a much bigger breach of etiquette than not inviting a troublesome guest to your wedding.   

 

ETA: I think you should add a poll. 

Post # 43
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

No, don’t invite her. It sounds like your Fiance is on the same page so I just wouldn’t. If Future Mother-In-Law has an issue with it bring up the fact that you don’t want your guests to have to watch their purses etc because SIL is a thief (actually have you Fiance say this).

Do you all live together? How did she get in your bedroom? If you all live together I’d get a deadbolt and lock it everytime you leave the room, even if you only go to the bathroom and only you and Fiance have the key.

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