Post # 17
i just wanted to add to my previous statement. its YOUR wedding….you are NOT REQUIRED nor do you have to invite anyone!! im not trying to make any of the previous posters on here mad or anything like that but thats how i feel. its YOUR WEDDING NOT ANYONE ELSES so why should you invite this guy if you DO NOT want him there. call me bridezilla or whatever else you want but i feel that when it comes to your wedding day, its yourself and your Fiance that have to be happy with the day and the how it turns out. not your sister, not your sisters bf, not your friends, not even your parents. its YOUR day and honestly if they dont like that, then well screw em!
Post # 18
To avoid conflict with sis like the other girls said, you got to stick it out and invite him. You will be so busy anyways all day you wont even notice he’s there. I cant stand my sister’s husband either nor my sister and I still have to invite them. I have more important things to worry about then ignorant people, sorry
Post # 19
If friends are allowed to bring a guest, and most of the major issues with the BF are in the past, you really need to let her bring him. I think weddings are about bringing families together ( I am not a big proponet of the YOUR day mentality though!)- do you want your sister to be upset and resentful on your wedding day? I doubt this guy will bother you much, you will be having one of the most amazing days of your life. And not inviting him to the wedding won’t stop your sister from seeing him, which In My Humble Opinion, is what is more important.
Post # 20
Thanks so much for all the input, everyone. I still don’t know what I’m going to do. I know that my sister would not refuse to come if I don’t invite him, that just isn’t something that would happen given the dynamics. So that is not a concern. The rest of my family would not be mad, either, since these issues are no secret and everyone feels the same way about him.
There is one other issue: my sister’s son, who I would REALLY like to be present at the wedding, will not be able to attend if my sister’s boyfriend is present (it’s part of the court order). I hadn’t thought of this angle, so maybe I can use this as part of my leverage for not inviting him.
Given this, do you think it would go over more smoothly if I tell her that he’s not invited? Or is that still really awful?
Post # 21
The only way to get out of inviting her BF is if she agrees he shouldn’t come. So it totally depends on your relationship with her and her general understanding of your feelings towards him.
My sister had a Bridesmaid or Best Man with a very physically and emotionally abusive husband who was in and out of jail several times. Once she asked the Bridesmaid or Best Man to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man she pretty much told her that the husband would not be invited to the wedding. Bridesmaid or Best Man totally understood and it wasn’t an issue.
Post # 22
Your nephew gives you the perfect excuse!! You want FAMILY to be there – and the court order says that the boyfriend cant be. If I were you, Thats exactly what I would do.
Post # 23
It’s not required, but even if you don’t want to, it’s rude not to. They’ve been together 6 years, and you’d probably have less drama if you do it. If you can deal with drama, then don’t.
ETA: USE THE COURT ANGLE! = D
Post # 24
totally agree with mdarrah… point out that you want her son there, and that means that her bf can’t be there… tell her that you hope he’ll understand, but that family comes first to you and that means your lovely nephew.
Post # 25
The nephew is the perfect excuse and I would take it and not back down for anyone. I’d also discuss it with your sister – she may need to prepare for some drama with her partner if he’s not invited. We didn’t invite DH’s cousin’s partner, she is incredibly abusive and basically insane, has made life very difficult for his whole family and his mother refuses to have her in their family home. The partner wouldn’t let him stay overnight at the wedding (it was 2 hours from their house), instead preferring that he drive back DRUNK because she was so upset that she will never be accepted by his family (um, maybe because you’re crazy?) So your sister might need to be prepared to deal with the potential fall out. Good luck – it would break my heart to see my sister in a relationship like this so I really hope you get through this ok!
Post # 26
this is how i look at it.. it’s YOUR day. this day is 100% about you and your fiance. it’s about joy and laughter and love. it’s about starting YOUR life together. if he’s going to inhibit your happiness don’t invite him. you need to do what will make you the happiest/least stresed on your big day. your sister will get over it.
Post # 27
I think you do have to invite him, especially if they’ve been together that long. It sucks though, I feel for you. Fingers crossed that your sister will dump him before then or ask him not to come considering the situation. Good Luck!