(Closed) Do I have to invite the inlaws' inlaws?

posted 6 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
30392 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
missmunch:  We didn’t invite anyone with that weak  connection to the family. While they may be related to your Future Brother-In-Law by marriage, they are not related to your Fiance.

Post # 3
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Nope.  You are under no obligation to invite them.  I really like my sister’s in-laws but there was never any question of them being invited (nor did they expect to be) and the same for my bro’s in-laws.  Stick to your guns – can you sit down with your FIL’s and explain privately to them that you will not be inviting them (don’t say it’s for budget reasons in case they offer to pay) and that you’re not inviting your sisters’ in-laws and you can’t make an exception in this case.  Otherwise, “I’m sorry, we were unable to invite everyone we would have liked to celebrate with us – maybe we can catch up after the wedding?” – rinse and repeat as many times as necessary.

Post # 4
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

0_0 Um, unless you know them well, no.  

Post # 6
20 posts
  • Wedding: July 2016

Ugh, we had a similar issue. My Fiance insists on inviting his sister’s in-laws and I don’t get this at all. I don’t consider them family and am not, nor ever expect to be, close to them. They are nice people, but I want our guests to reflect those we are close to as much as possible. 

I think you’re totally justified in not inviting them. However, I brought my issue up to some co-workers and several said that you normally would invite that kind of connection. News to me. 

Post # 8
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

This is a tough one, especially as your FI’s parents consider them to be family. The reality of the situation, however, is that they have literally no relation to you and do not need to be at your wedding if you don’t want them there. If I was in your shoes, I probably wouldn’t say anything until your FI’s parents brought it up. Then, I would say that you are planning a more intimate affair so you won’t be inviting any of the siblings in laws. If you make it more of a point that your sister’s in laws also aren’t being invited, they might be less inclined to kick up a fuss?

Honestly, I don’t know why the in laws would even expect to be invited – they are nothing to you, and you are nothing to them. I like my sister’s long term boyfriend’s family (his parents and brother) but there is no way they’re on our guest list.

Post # 10
197 posts
Blushing bee

What we did is made a standard for why we invited guests.  It is, are you actively engaged in our lives in a positive and meanful way?  It helped cut out the guests that were your best friend in third grade…20+ years ago.  It also helped with your issue – you do not have to tell folks the standard but so long as you both agree on it, you repeat it to yourself when someone asks to be invited.  

It is also a great first opportunity for you both to be a united front.  I have also found, with less than 4 weeks to the wedding, that bridezilla is actually just the term for a bride who is dealing with bullsh*t and take it anymore.  I have honestly told people, this is my bridezilla moment and this is the decision.  It actual works. 🙂 

Post # 11
3170 posts
Sugar bee

Not only do these people have a tenuous connection at best to you and your Fiance, they also sound completely obnoxious. I wouldn’t invite them, and probably wouldn’t even go out of my way to be diplomatic about it if they inquire about it.

Post # 12
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

They might be close to FI’s parents, but they’re not close to you and your Fiance. There’s no need to invite them. Just keep telling them you have a limited guest list. 

Post # 13
1705 posts
Bumble bee

I vote for nipping this in the bud. Come up with a number of invites you are comfortable with them giving to friends and family, and let them know as soon as possible. That way, it’s up to them who they invite, but they’ll understand that there are limitations and they can’t just invite everyone.

Post # 14
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

View original reply
missmunch:  I would just spell it out for your parents, we don’t like them- therefore we don’t want them at our wedding, it’s a special day for the special people in our life’s. You’re parents can concoct whatever excuse up that they want to but in my eyes it’s not something you’re obligated to do.

Post # 15
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
missmunch:  I vote no! We’re doing immediate family that we actually know (Asian family, we have a massive extended family) and I also said no to my parents asking about my sister in laws mother being invited. I barely know the woman, met her all of 5 times in the 6 years my sister in law has been with my brother. I made it clear to my parents that I don’t want to invite randoms to my wedding, it’s expensive and therefore we want to have actual close family and friends and not obligations. Don’t give in to the peer pressure!

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