(Closed) Do I have to make FSIL a bridesmaid?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I make her a BM?
    Yes : (5 votes)
    17 %
    No : (20 votes)
    69 %
    Other : (4 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 16
    1664 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011


    I would assume her parents will help with the dress.  If they don’t want to, they will probably advise her to say no.  But I would think they would say yes b/c it is her brother’s wedding.

    I’d say her share of the shower costs should either be covered by your in-laws or that your other BMs should split them.

    Post # 16
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    that is a tough situation.  I avoided this alltogether by only having one bridesmaid/groomsman. 

    I have one Future Sister-In-Law and two SIL beyond her (no actual sisters).  I knew if I put any of them in the wedding I had to do all three.  If we were having more than 1 bridesmaid/groomsman I would have done all 3 and I would have expected my fiance to put both of my brothers in his wedding party.

    In your siutation I think 18 is too old for junior bridesmaid.  You might want to simply ask your fiance to see if it is important to him.  If it is not important to him then ask him if he thinks his sister’s feelings would be hurt.  If it is important to him or her then I would put her in your wedding party.  This is going to be your family for the rest of your life.  You may not be close yet, but there is a good chance that will change.

    Your bridesmaids and your bachelorette party/showers don’t have to have anything to do with one another.  I don’t think those are legitimate reasons for not having her in your wedding party.  If she doesn’t care and/or your fiance doesn’t care then don’t have her in your wedding party.  If your sister doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid then I don’t see it being a big deal having your Future Sister-In-Law and not your sister.  If your sister does want to be in the bridal party then I could see it being wierd.

    good luck!


    Post # 17
    316 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I asked my Future Sister-In-Law to be a bridesmaid– my Future Brother-In-Law will be a groomsman so I thought that she (and her mother) might take offence if I didn’t invite her just trying to avoid drama

    Post # 18
    1032 posts
    Bumble bee

    When it comes to money, there is always a way (instalments on the dress, credit cards etc) and her parents will most likely pick up the tab anyway. You will not have to pay for anything and if she asks you to, you can simply say “I’m sorry, but you don’t have to be a bridesmaid if you can’t afford it or if it is too much pressure”.

    Your Fiance feelings on this really are paramount though.

    Your BMs would be splitting shower costs amongst themselves without her anyway, so I don’t see why that would be a problem unless you go away or do something extravagant or out of the ordinary for a shower.

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