(Closed) Do I have to physically RSVP to a wedding invitation?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which of the following is an acceptable method of RSVP'ing?
    You must send a physical invitation in the mail... invisible ink may be involved! : (74 votes)
    43 %
    Why waste a stamp? It's ok to hand a filled out RSVP to your friend in person... : (65 votes)
    38 %
    A detailed email is OK, as long as you answer all the questions in the RSVP. : (19 votes)
    11 %
    You can just tell your friend in person... it's a bit silly to physically RSVP to a close friend. : (14 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    I’m going through the RSVPing part of my wedding and if a card and envelope are provided please use them.  We sent out 180 invitations and only recieved 100 RSVPs back.  Some people have told my dad they are coming others have left me text messages, but guess what?  When I called them to confirm, sometimes only one person was coming instead of two, or they were planning on bringing their in law who is in town, etc.  Once it’s committed to paper it’s harder to make mistakes.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: January 2009

    I think it’s proper etiquette that if you receive an RSVP, then you should definitely respond back in kind, so, yes, do mail back the RSVP card.  The ones I have received already have postage on them, and I think it is the kind thing to do.

    In your example above you say that you see the person regularly, so could you just vocalize your RSVP.  I say you shouldn’t do it that way.  Sometimes, the person that invited you are not the ones that are physically receiving the RSVPs.  Also, if a person, who you see regularly, goes to the trouble of physically sending you an invite, I think you should go to the trouble of physically sending them the RSVP.  Now, if they had just handed the invite to you at work, then I would just hand my RSVP back to them if I knew that they were the person collecting the RSVPs. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    153 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’m assuming you received an RSVP in the invitation without a stamp. 

    Therefore, I would give the RSVP to your friend in person.  You know him/her, he/she knows you.  Hand it to them with warm thanks (and apologies if you can’t make it).  The person will know where it needs to go, and it’s probably just as if not more reliable than the post office.

    However, I thought that the invitation was supposed to included a stamped RSVP.  Then you wouldn’t have to worry about it.  Just pop it in the mail.  I plan to hand deliver any invitation I can to save stamps, but will still stamp the RSVP.  Just a thought…

    Post # 6
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee

    I sent out my invitations the beginning of January, went out out of my way to get stamps from another country so they could send back the postcard. I sent out 120 invitaions and I have only received 35 back and the deadline was 3/3/09. The wedding is out of the country, at a location were I have to rent everything and it is in May. So I feel once its on paper and you said you are coming basically that means your ticket is booked and you are coming. As per my sister the RSVP Postcards were to pretty so people don’t what to send it back. My comment, why would I waste my money and put a stamp on it if I didn’t want it back.

    Post # 7
    Member
    256 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    I think all of the responses are acceptable-I wouldn’t make my maid of honor or someone mail it if they don’t want to, but I did put stamps on them so that they would do it and there is nothing I like better than receiving MAIL (as in snail-mail).  I wouldn’t be heartbroken if somenoe just says I they and their SO will be coming, but there is a thrill involved with getting the RSVPs.

    Post # 8
    Member
    93 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I’m going to go ahead and voice a minority opinion…  I don’t think that you HAVE to physically RSVP.  I think that telling your friend in person that you are coming, and making it clear that your conversation is your RSVP, is an option. I hope that as a bride I can be excited about guests coming regardless of how they RSVP. That said, I think that it is much nicer and more considerate if you return the actual RSVP card to them.

    Post # 9
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    All of my close friends and family wrote messages for me and my FH on the respons cards.  I plan on putting them in a scrapbook or album.

    Post # 10
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee

    You have to keep in mind that the bride and groom are trying to keep track of lots of these things. I generally mail the response card back but I think it is fine to email a detailed response as well if you don’t use mailboxes too often.

    I’m iffy on handing the response card back in person depending on circumstances– you want to make sure they have a convenient way to carry it back to their response sorting area. For example, I wouldn’t hand it over at Happy Hour in a crowded bar when the bride’s purse is on the other side of the room. If you’re stopping by their house or seeing them at work and they’re not totally distracted, it’s fine.

    PS: If you reply via email, make sure you answer *every* question!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2004 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2008

    I think if someone goes to the trouble of sending you a response card then you are obligated to return it to them filled out. People usually use those cards to keep track of their rsvp’d guests, and if you have rsvp’d in another way (verbally, email, etc.) then your response may get lost in the shuffle. And I think it’s rude to respond not on the card (unless you’ve lost it or something, and then what can you do) because it sort of sends the message that you think you’re so important you don’t have to play by the rules….

    The majority of my friends never turned in their rsvp cards for my wedding (in addition to about 30 extraneous relatives). It made me so mad! I knew my friends were all coming, but it really bothered me that I had those cards made and stamped etc. and then that they did nothing with them for me. All I asked for was a little check mark in a blank and then to seal the envelope and put it in the mailbox, since it was already stamped. It felt so inconsiderate that they could’n’t do this for me. Grr.

    If you’re going to see your friend though, I don’t see anything wrong with returning it to them in person and saving buying a stamp. Assuming of course that they are the one collecting the rsvp cards, and not say, the mother of the bride, which is sometimes the case.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1423 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Please please please just return that bugger through the mail, especially if it has a stamp on it.  What, you thought it was included just to complete the ensemble?  That the couple just wanted to spend an extra fifty bucks on stamps just to help the post office stay in business?  I love getting the lil’guys in the mail even when I already know if the guests are coming or not, and they all get put in a pretty box, and then some day I will do something fabulous with them.

    Just do the right thing, okay?

    Post # 13
    Member
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I think, as a hostess, I would like to have written confirmation of an rsvp. Which is why I chose both the 1st and 3rd options. Because sometimes I have a lot on my mind and I may forget that you said you were coming. And I would feel awkward if I had to ask you  more than once if you were coming.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    I think anything is ok, but with a million things going on it is quite possible for your friend to forget your RSVP if it isn’t phsyically sent it.  I think is fine and "Acceptable" to tell someone in person, it just makes the logistics harder on their end if they have to remember the conversation or to find the email you sent vs. a stack of easy to organize cards!  If they included a physical card, it was likely already stamped, so why waste the money they spent on both?  I would always err on sending in the physical RSVP – and like Chela said, the notes are nice keepsakes. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    3331 posts
    Sugar bee

    For me, I always return the actual card by mail.  I think a bride (and groom) has so much on her plate, that the reply cards are the best way to organize people’s responses.  I know I’m planning on using our replies to track responses and organize seating.  With everything else going on, I’m not sure I would remember to include information from a friend who just verbally told me or emailed their response. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    The couple sending the invitation asked kindly for an RSVP for reasons  you might not know. Someone else might be handling that part of the wedding or they will do somethign funky with your RSVP card, or they simply want a physical record of your acceptance/decline.

    We should always follow the protocol asked by the couple.

    The topic ‘Do I have to physically RSVP to a wedding invitation?’ is closed to new replies.

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