(Closed) Do I have to physically RSVP to a wedding invitation?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which of the following is an acceptable method of RSVP'ing?
    You must send a physical invitation in the mail... invisible ink may be involved! : (74 votes)
    43 %
    Why waste a stamp? It's ok to hand a filled out RSVP to your friend in person... : (65 votes)
    38 %
    A detailed email is OK, as long as you answer all the questions in the RSVP. : (19 votes)
    11 %
    You can just tell your friend in person... it's a bit silly to physically RSVP to a close friend. : (14 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 17
    35 posts

    I am going green for my wedding! RSVP via email, I made a gmail account just for the wedding 🙂 This way when people respond, I can set up an out of office, or automatic reply with links to directions, schedule information, etc. People can print things on their own! I think its green and easy, as most people who are invited to our wedding are comfortable with that.

    Post # 18
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

    I would tell the friend in person, but also ask them if they want the physical RSVP. They might be planning to put their rsvps in a scrapbook, or perhaps they are using them to keep a visual track on who’s coming. It’s a nice excuse to send them a personal note, too.

    Post # 19
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I think making sure that RSVP gets to the right person is a MUST. I have a friend who was in the wedding party (groomsman) his invite was addressed to him and his girlfriend. He figured that the couple knew he would be there with the girlfriend since after all he was a groomsman. But the couple only reserved a seat for the groomsman and not his girlfriend. And the groomsman had told the groom on many occasions that they would both be coming but the groom never told the bride (the one who was in charge of seating arrangements).

    Post # 20
    1238 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2008

    I think that if there is a physical RSVP card and no option to RSVP online, then the physical card needs to be returned either by mail or by hand.  We did online RSVP for our wedding, but at work I plan 2 banquets each year for large groups of students — 100 or more, and we use physical RSVP.  We do this because when I am counting the totals and making the guest list I need to have everything in one place, I can’t be having to check my email for people who sent their RSVP to me that way and I can’t be searching my memory for someone who may have said it in passing.  It is courtesy.

    Post # 21
    275 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    If the RSVP included a stamp to be returned, then I think it must be returned via mail.  I think it’s rude that if the person went through the hassle to include stamps for the RSVPs and you don’t send it back. 

    However, if a stamp wasn’t included, then I think giving them back to the person when you see them would be acceptable.

    Post # 22
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I would go for sending in a physical RSVP.  Getting the RSVP back in the mail ensures that you will be added to the list of attendees and also gives the bride and groom a better estimate of how many guests will attend.  Verbal confirmation can sometimes be forgotten and there can be miscommunication involved as well.

    Post # 23
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I would think that your friend would remember to add you if you told them in person!  I think ANY of the above methods are ok!!  (I wouldn’t expect my friends to waste a stamp if they see me everyday!!) However, if your plus one is Mr. or Mrs. Xczynskigfpsdnjdfhjfydudfkopf…you might want to RSVP in some written form to ensure their name is spelled correctly on the placecards!

    Post # 24
    948 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2020 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

    Yep, send that RSVP card right back!


    Post # 25
    116 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2007

    I voted for all options except for verbal confirmation – I think it’s easier to keep track of information if it is written down somewhere. In addition, I try to at least give the completed RSVP card back, even if I just hand it to them in person (in the unsealed original envelope, so they can have the stamp back in case they want it for some reason), to make sure I’ve answered all of their questions at the very least. Also I like to write a little note on the RSVP – some brides collect these for scrapbooking, and so forth.

    Post # 26
    11 posts
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I would say that the "green" thing to do would be to hand it to them in person.  This will save the mailman his gas delivering something that you could just deliver when you saw the person.  It would also be helpful to have the actual RSVP when it comes time to counting guests.  You wouldn’t want to be forgotten

    Post # 27
    1276 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    What about if there is an RSVP online option?  Several of my friends have had this, and we are planning on it as well.  Or is this actually a situation (not hypothetical). 

    Post # 28
    78 posts
    Worker bee

    I agree with the RSVP online option.  While there are some nice tree free and recycled paper options, not wasting the energy to have an extra RSVP card and envelope seems the best to me.  But I think it is useful to respond in a written way, whether that be email, online rsvp, or reply card.

    Post # 29
    1078 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    IMO, there should always be a tangible RSVP returned by any guest invited. Whether through snail mail, or hand delivered.

    During my planning process….I couldn’t get over how many people thought a "oh yeah, we’re probably coming. Mark us down," was acceptable. We stamped the return envelope for a reason! At least have the decency to respond accordingly. I am sure we wasted about 40% of our stamps!! (Which sort of irks me, in today’s economic state and our overall financial burden with the wedding…)


    Post # 30
    103 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    I’m from a small Southern town where most weddings are open church (*gasp*) and I’m preparing myself for people who don’t understand the RSVP process. If you understand it, do it! It makes things lots easier on everyone.

    Post # 31
    1718 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

    Fill out the card, but I think its OK to hand it to the person in person.  I found this slightly annoying because I’d get random RSVPs in my purse and put them somewhere and forget about them, but my irresponsibility should not hinder my guest’s desire to just hand the card over to me rather than mail it (even though i put the stamps on the RSVPs already).  But by all means, fill out the card!  Email/verbal is a little annoying, and plus, I think people feel less commited if they drop an email/phonecall than they do if they physically write "I WILL BE THERE". 

    Random side note, one my parents friends went on vacation to austrailia, so they brought their RSVP to australia, put australian stamps on it, and mailed it to us.  I thought that was cute.  🙂

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