(Closed) Do I have to physically RSVP to a wedding invitation?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which of the following is an acceptable method of RSVP'ing?
    You must send a physical invitation in the mail... invisible ink may be involved! : (74 votes)
    43 %
    Why waste a stamp? It's ok to hand a filled out RSVP to your friend in person... : (65 votes)
    38 %
    A detailed email is OK, as long as you answer all the questions in the RSVP. : (19 votes)
    11 %
    You can just tell your friend in person... it's a bit silly to physically RSVP to a close friend. : (14 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 32
    5878 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    If they send me an RSVP card to use, I assume they want me to use it!  Either mail it asked asked or hand it over in person.  Note that if the mailing address is not to their house – maybe the MOB’s house – you should probably mail it instead of handing it to the bride.

    If the couple requests you respond via an online portal, via telephone, text, or email then do that. 

    I think it’s a pretty well known fact that the logistics of guests at weddings are complicated.  If you don’t use the system put in place you are putting an extra burden on your friend.

    Post # 33
    253 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I think it’s impolite not to return the actual RSVP card in some fashion, whether by mail or in person.  Telling someone isn’t very reliable, especially if it’s a huge wedding, and email seems too casual.  I will probably use RSVP cards to do seating and to keep track of who is coming and who isn’t, so having the filled-out card in my hands will be important.

    Post # 34
    39 posts

    I think it is rude not to RSVP with the invite via mail.  I personally think it looks very cheap if the bride and groom/parents of the bride do not put a return of postage stamp on the envelope.  But if they didn’t I would be happy to put my $.42 cents towards their wedding.  I mean they are spending thousands and you want to save $.42- that’s just plain rude.

    Post # 35
    2434 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    Unless your friend is the one keeping track of the RSVPs, I wouldn’t trust your friend to convey the RSVP (verbal or physical) to the person who is.

    Verbal is particularly bad because your friend might not remember your meal preference or your RSVP number if it’s not written down.

    Post # 36
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    If the bride and groom bothered to get RSVP cards, fill them out.  If they stamped the cards, send them.  Those aren’t just for show!

    Post # 37
    2640 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would also send a RSVP card back.  Verbal would be a no no.  What if all your guests just called you to RSVP??  It would be a little chaotic to remember.  (Wait where did I put my tally sheet?  ANd was that beef or salmon?) 

    As for e-mail.  That wouldn’t be bad, but I think there is a chance for forgetting to answer all questions. 

    As for handing in person, if the RSVP did not come stamped, go ahead a hand it.  It should have been stamped, if they truly wanted it mailed.  If it did have a stamp, I think you should mail it.

    I think just throwing it back in the mail is the easiest, even than e-mail and handing it.  When you first open the invitation the RSVP is right in front of you.  Grab a pen and fill it out.  Put it in the mailbox the next time your there, which is really everyday.

    Post # 38
    332 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Take the lead from the invite! I think it is a good idea to return the RSVP in the form it was intended. If there was a prepared one for you to fill out and send back, it would be most polite to do so. If they give other options, though, you can opt for one of those. If there was no RSVP card The Posts say to hand-write a letter with your response, but, really, who does that now-a-days? In that case, it would probably be acceptable to give your friend a call or do it in person, verifying with this person that it is the best way to do it.

    Post # 39
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    When we sent out our invitations, we paid for the stamps that went on the RSVP envelopes.  The way I see it, if I shelled out the 42 cents for the stamp, the least you can do is scribble our name and number attending and stick it in the mailbox.  (Is it obvious we’re still waiting on the vast majority of our RSVP cards and they’re due in less than a week?) 

    Post # 40
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Most invitations come pre-stamped, so it really isn’t an inconvenience to mail them back. Also, I think it’s easier on the person receiving the replies to keep track that way and stay organized.

    Post # 41
    445 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2007

    I included stamps on all of my RSVP envelopes, so it actually irked me a little when someone handed me the RSVP. I felt as if I had wasted a stamp on them since I had already stuck it to the envelop and clearly wasn’t going to be sending anything to myself. If no stamp was included, then I think it’s fine to hand it to the bride or groom. But I would definitely do it on the response card. I had similar situations that the other bees had…people telling me that they were coming, but only one person came, etc.

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