Post # 1
Okay, so let me start by saying that I do love my bride/best friend! She is very needy and sometimes demanding but that’s just her personality sometimes. I’m throwing her the bachelorette party of course, but it’s going to be a pretty penny. Pretty penny to me is around $1000 for me most likely, maybe a tad less. The other girls won’t have to pay nearly as much, but they are pitching in for their part. On top of this my bride is having a bridal shower by a friend of her family. I’m getting the idea that she also wants me to throw her a bridal shower. When I was a bride and she was my Maid/Matron of Honor, I kindly told her I didn’t want another shower (I was already getting three! It wasn’t my idea, although it was very nice of people to do that)- so she sort of got annoyed that I didn’t want her to throw another one responding that it was her “duty”. I told her it most definitely was not her duty, but nonetheless she was annoyed. So now here it’s my turn and I’m really suspecting that even though she’s getting a shower already she wants me to throw one so she can have more than 1. Help- I really don’t know what to do! Should I bite my lip and host one (that would be in the same town as the other one and I’m not even sure who we would invite!), or do I kindly tell her it’s not something I can afford? I want her to have a great experience, but I am NOT made of money- I still have wedding day expenses to take care of; makeup, hair, dress, jewelry, etc.
Post # 2
Just tell her that you are happy to plan a bachelorette. Don’t say anything about a shower unless she brings it up. Then tell her that you will not be hosting a shower. You are under no obligation to do so, and if the guests will be invited to the other shower, it would be ridiculous to invite the same people to two showers.
There’s no way I would spend $1000 on anyone’s bachelorette, so I think you are doing more than enough as is.
Post # 3
You are not required to host a shower for her especially if someone else is! Its not like shes going to be a sad showerless bride if you dont step in… she needs to get over herself.
Post # 4
I would let her know that funds are a bit tight and ask her if she’d rather have you splurge on another shower for her or put more money into the bachelorette party. Let her know if you have to do the shower that you think the bachelorette might be lame lol
Post # 5
I personally dont even want a shower but i am sure i will get one. I just don’t know why when some people get married they think that they need all these things and they seem to forget that they cost money. Like your the Maid/Matron of Honor so u have to throw all these parties. I don’t know who comes up with these rules. if you do have the shower it should be within your means. I would talk to her about and just be like look I’m having the Bachelorette party and explain your situation as to why you can’t have the shower.
Post # 6
It’s absolutely absurd to spend $1000 on a bachelorette party, even if you had plenty of money.
That it would be rude to invite the same guest list to two showers in the same town.
That you are under no obligation to do either.
Post # 7
I agree it’s a lot if monet, and no I don’t exactly have the funds- but it’s going to be in Austin and I think by the time I get there, buy alcohol, decorations, favors, games, snacks, figure out accommodations, and activities- let’s not forget about drinks while we’re out- I’m positive it’ll be expensive. I really like your idea @orchidblooms! Telling her that if she wants both- the funds will have to be evenly distrubuted. Thank you ladies- I appreciate your feedback!
Post # 8
If someone else is planning a shower, there is absolutely no point in you throwing her one too. Especially if it is in the same town! That’s ridiculous – who would you invite that didnt already attend the other one?
I would say something like, “Since SoandSo is throwing your bridal shower, I want to make sure you have an amazing bachelorette party!”.
Also – $1000 on a bachelorette seems absolutely ridiculous to me. Bottom line is, do what you can afford. Just because she’s needy and a brat, doesn’t mean you have to give in to her demands/spend your hard earned money.
Post # 9
I feel like that some brides feel they need to have a party for every single thing. I know this one girl and she was that person. She had an engagement party, a bridal party, a bachelorette, and another party. How many parties do you need really?
And don’t break your bank for her bachelorette, best friend or not, it’s not worth going completely broke either.
Post # 10
Typically the Maid/Matron of Honor throws both, but usually the bride only has one shower! (around here at least)
But you don’t have to throw either. It is generous of you to throw [what sounds like] a lavish bachelorette. The bride cannot request a party to be thrown in her honor, that is always the host(ess)’s choice.
If she is already having a shower who would you invite? Hopefully not the same guests.
Post # 11
Eeeesh I spent so much on my best friends wedding that I never wanted my own wedding.
You can’t take all this ish on yourself. You have to enlist her bridesmaid to carry some of the weight. She chose them to support her so you should stick within the limits of their budgets too. Split anything and everything. If you think the bride wants a shower then get together with the bridesmaids or send out an email and see who is interested, if they aren’t then find a family member of the brides or even the grooms side. If no one is interested then you’ve got to break it to the bride.
I spent so much trying to make the lead up and actually wedding day go off without a hitch because her father backed out 6 weeks before her wedding (financially and physically backed out). He never called or showed his face. The bride was devastated and I was determined to make it everything she imagined. It went well but I had to take a break from her afterwards. I didn’t see her for 4-6 months afterwards. Good luck to you girl!
Post # 12
If the guests are already invited to the other shower, it seems rude to invite them to a second one. You should remind your bride of that. I would be offended if I was invited to two showers for the same bride.
If she’s really insistent, and most of the guests have already been invited, maybe you could have a no gift shower (basically just a party in her honor) if the budget can work. Don’t bend over backwards for this.
She may be your best friend, but that should not be contigent on how much money you spend on her.
Post # 13
completely agree with you!! I was Maid/Matron of Honor for one girl and she was exactly like that. Bachelorette, 2 showers, engagement party, luncheon, the whole 9 yards. I hated it. Plus her mom demanded that I throw her another shower even after her mom and aunt had already thrown one. Needless to say, our friendship is no longer in tack and I didn’t make it to either shower because they were stuck up, demanding bitches and didn’t care about anyone besides themselves.
Op, it would be ridiculous to throw her another shower.
Post # 14
I think that since someone else is already throwing a shower then you don’t need to. Especially if it would be the same group of people! I’d probably just talk about the bachelorette and not mention a shower, unless she brings it up. Then you can say “Oh, I thought you said SoAndSo was throwing you a shower, so I put all my money and effort into planning a kick-ass bachelorette party”.
Post # 15
I think more than one shower is ridiculous unless there’s a good reason for it and OTHER people want to throw it, not the bride wanting more showers for herself. For instance, if the bride’s family lives in one place and her friends (or the groom’s family) lives in another and they all insist on throwing showers, that is understandable. But if a family friend is hosting another shower in the same town with the same invite list, I would absolutely not throw another one, regardless of the money.
Also, I disagree that the MOH’s job is to throw both a shower and bachelorette. It’s very nice for the Maid/Matron of Honor to ask around and coordinate to make sure both are happening for the bride, but in most of my friends’ weddings, the Maid/Matron of Honor has thrown the bachelorette and family or a family friend ends up doing the shower. Expecting one person to throw two big parties on their own feels unreasonable to me. If the Maid/Matron of Honor really wants to that’s fine, but it’s too much to expect.