(Closed) Do I include future inlaws on invite?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1320 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

amrov17:  We just said “together with their parents”. Our in laws didn’t contribute a dime, but we saw it more from the perspective of our families giving their blessing and support for us to marry. Wish we had said “together with their families” though.

Post # 3
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My parents gave us a cash gift, and made it clear it was to be used however we wanted, after the wedding, etc. They were very against giving us anything for the wedding. FIs parents did not contribute anywhere, so as the hosts, we only included our names. In your case I think you are right, just yall and your parents are hosting..

Post # 4
1419 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

We only included my parents as they were the only hosts.  


Post # 5
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Miami

amrov17:  Ah, wording of the invitation. I just wanted a simple “Together with their families…” but this was a little tricky for us too, and we came up with something that made everyone happy.

My parents are paying for the venue/catering, which is definitely the biggest expense. But we’re paying for just about everything else and doing all of the planning ourselves (every time I’ve asked my mom, she says she’ll help research ideas, find vendors, etc but doesnt. Which is fine). And his mom is helping us pay for the flowers. So, to me it’s a big group effort. But my mom keeps making a pretty big deal about how she and my dad are “the hosts.”

At first it bugged me that she wants so much to “take credit” for everything, but then again I realized it wasn’t that I did want credit and clearly the “host” distinction is important to her so I let it go. I also thought, regardless of how big or small FI’s mom’s financial contribution, why should she be left off the invitation (his dad isnt in the picture)? So we went with (names made up, obvi)..

Joe and Jane Hormiga invite you to celebrate the marriage of their daughter

Sally Hormiga


Luke Skywalker

Son of Padme Skywalker

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  LaHormiga.
Post # 7
154 posts
Blushing bee

We hosted our own wedding and didn’t include any parents’ names. No, you don’t have to include their names on the invitations, but you could and it wouldn’t hurt anyone, especially since you are including one set of parents. If you think it might cause some negative feelings that they are not included, I would just do it. In 10 years it won’t matter, then why not?

Post # 8
320 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t. If you’ve made it this far without them contributing it seems pretty clear they aren’t hosts. As a courtesy if you’d like you can do it the way LaHormiga did. I have debated with this issue myself quite a bit as I’m in a similar situation. My FI’s family pushed back against most aspects of our wedding and does not approve of formal weddings. So it seems odd to put them on an invite as hosts of something they dont like. 

Post # 9
13582 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

LaHormiga:  we did the same thing.  My parents paid for 50% of the wedding, Darling Husband and I did 45%, and my inlaws contributed about 5%.  It was important to me that my parents got the position of honor on there, and my inlaws were satisified to be mentioned at all. 

Post # 10
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

amrov17:  well…paying and hosting are not the same thing. Are your parents receiving rsvps? Going to welcome guests and thank them for coming? Perform other host duties? If not they are not the hosts anyway. 

I would bet your in laws see it as a snub if left off and I wouldn’t want to start a marriage like that. We did “Together with our families…”

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