- 5 years ago
Hello bees, I’m having a trouble with my guest list right now and would like some advice. I have a very large family but our venue has a limit of 70 people. To keep from hurt feelings, the guest list has been limited to immediate family, uncles, aunts, and first cousins. No children under 15. The age was set because my youngest sister will be 15 at the time and my cousins have a lot of small children that they pay no attention to at parties. Anyways, this puts our list at 10 too many. So I am slowy shaving off the list by removing family members who don’t come to family events (my mothers suggestion because I have several family members who rarely come to events and refuse to r.s.v.p.).
I used to be close to one of my cousins, A, when we were younger and still talk to several times a year. In spite of this, I have been debating over whether or not to cut her from the list do to some stuff she has done in the past and because FH does not want her there. Now for some background on A. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years, since we were in highshcool. The first time I introduced FH (then bf) to A was after we had been dating for 6 months. I had been sick with the swine flu for over a week, and while the doctor said I could now be around friends and family I was still very weak and had trouble walking. An example of how serious it was is that I lost over 20 pounds in one week. This fell right at Halloween, one of my favorite holidays and because I could barely stand I could not participate in a Halloween party my mother threw every year. Instead, my FH came over and watched horror movies with me. A was at the party, held in my parents home, and decided to spend some time with me as well and meet my boyfriend. Her first words to him were “You look like Dr. Evil.” This is not true at all, and she continued to berate his looks (which he was sensitive about be a teenage boy with acne problems). When he left the room to get me a drink, she proceeded to tell me that I could do better and was just desperate because he was my first boyfriend. When he comes back, she apparently had a change of mind because A started trying to hug all over him. She proceeded to consistanlty try to throw her arms around him, kiss his cheek, sit on his lap, etc. Fh kept trying to push her off him. I was stunned at first, particularily because she was acting waaaaaay too friendly towards someone else’s boyfriend. I became upset and told her to stop, that I was not comfortable with her dpoing that. She threw a fit saying I was overreacting and ran downstairs. She then complained to my mother and grandmother that I was not letting her hug my boyfriend and was “hogging” him. She has behaved this way everytime that we have seen her since, even when she was dating herself. A went and tried to spread bad rumors about FH to our family, but she has a reputation for lying so no one (thankfully) believed her.
A lives two hours away from the rest of our family. Even though she is aboe the age required of a driver’s license, she refuses to get one because she lives in a city. Everytime our family has a party, she comes to my mother and I for a ride. When I graduated highschool 3 years ago, my mother threw a party. A told us she had a ride, but four days before the party she called us saying she needed my mother to pick her up and bring her over. She also wanted my mother to allow her boyfriend to spend the night at my parents house as well. Now, A had a mother and a set of grandparents willing to pick her up and have her stay at their house, but she refused because they would not let her boyfriend stay the night (she was 17 and every time they had been over had been caught having sex, something she proudly boasted). Well, she refused to come if it meant spending two days away from him. My mother told her that she was too busy getting ready for my party to get her, to ask her mom for a ride. A complained to my mom that she wouldn’t be able to have sex with her boyfriend that way. My mother told her “you wouldn’t be able to here either, I’m not having you get pregnant under my roof” and that her boyfriend would stay elsewhere. A then preceds to contact me asking for a ride, saying that she had talked to my mother and could stay over there with her boyfriend. I knew otherwise because I was in the room when my mother talked to A. I told her that I couldn’t because I didn’t have the gas to get over there as well as having other plans made, both of which were true. She preceds to call me selfish and doesn’t speak to me for a few months. This happens every time any event goes on with our family.
My cousin has done several other things and pulled several stunts over the years. At every event she finds someway to become center of attention by behaving completely innappropriatley. When I became engaged, instead of saying congratualtiosn her reply was “are you sure you want to marry him? It’s stupid to marry you’re first boyfriend, especially when there are hotter guys out there. I think you’re rushing things way too fast”. My FH and I had been together for four years, and she had gotten engaged to someone recently that she had known for two months (he dumped her a year later because she told him that she refused to get a job and wanted him to completely pay for their finances). Everytime we have seen her for the past two years she undermines our relationship, questions me about my decision to marry him, and then turns around and throws herself at him.
FH and I are worried abut these things occuring at our wedding. We don’t need the stress of going back and forth with her over a ride, having her show up with an univited date (she has done this several times) or making a seen. So bees, what do you think?
Also, when we selected a wedding venue, I was very excited and put on facebook that we had found a venue. I am very selective in my friends list, only family and people I talk to. She immediatley adds to the comments “Am I invited?” To try an avoid it I had said that we weren’t looking into the guest list yet. She replies “but I’m you’re cousin.” She could have messaged or texted me if she wanted to know, instead she does it it where everyone can see. A loves to put people on the spot and try to guilt them into doing what she wants.