- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
I am struggling with a decision here and no one seems to give me a straight answer as to what I should do. So, I’m hoping my fellow bees can help me!
A bit of background here – my family and I came to the US when I was 4 years old (1992) and we lived in my aunt’s basement (my father’s older sister) until we saved up enough money to move out. My aunt’s husband was (maybe still is, I don’t know) a raging alcoholic and he used to hit my aunt when he got drunk. While we were living there, my father defended his sister many times, getting hit himself and often times, this would happen in front of me. Even though I was young, I still remember it and ever since then, I’ve always pretty much hated my aunt’s husband.
Over the years, he’s been causing SO much family tension – not just with my family, but with my other aunts and uncles and cousins’ families as well. He has a tendency to just cause drama everywhere. He’s also called offensive names to everyone. My brother has autism and he called my brother a curse to the family…a completely unforgivable offense to my family and me, especially since my brother has NEVER done anything to anyone. He just lives in his own little world, honestly. Lord knows, I’ve tried to be the bigger person. During family functions, I would try to start a conversation with him and he would flat out ignore me. Nevertheless, through all of this, my aunt has STAYED with him. It was an arranged marriage and she is very Catholic so she will never leave him, even though she admits “he can be a bit difficult sometimes”. Mind you, my aunt is not all that innocent either. I recently found out that she was trying to BOYCOTT my wedding and was rallying my dad’s brothers and sisters to do the same because my fiance proposed to me the day after my grandmother died. She doesn’t care that the proposal was completely out of my control. She was also mad that I kept my relationship a secret for a while before finally revealing it. Apparently, family should be the first to know everything. Meanwhile, we didn’t even know her daughter was pregnant was her second child until about a month before the baby was born! What a hypocrite!
Knowing all of this, I decided that my aunt was the lesser of two evils and she is still blood so I decided to only invite her and not her husband. She called me the other day and told me she will not be coming to the wedding because her husband was not invited. She was trying to guilt trip me but I was not having that. I told her, in a very neutral voice, that I understand and see you later.
Even though my father completely agreed with the decision, now I can see it’s killing him inside. He’s in a constant state of “should I or should I not?” The cons clearly outweigh the pros but I don’t want to be the bearer of further family stress and tension.
So, what should I do? Should I suck it up and invite the husband too or should I stand my ground and hope it works out for the best?