Post # 1
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - hotel
I have a bit of a problem here. I’ve asked my family and response is very, very mixed. So since you’re all impartial I need some advice.
My cousin very sadly passed away, very unexpectedly aged 27 less than two months ago. I get married at the end of september. I’m sorting the last little bits of the guestlsit as I’m sending out invitations right now. I’ve been able to invite my other cousins including my late cousins siblings. But I don’t know what to do about inviting her. I’m not close to her so it’s not really appropriate to talk to her about this. Part of me thinks it’s very important she knows she is still part of the family, the other part thinks it would be very difficult fo her to see another young couple getting married. To make it worse we have a daughter and my late cousin and his partner were due to start IVF this month.
I don’t want to exclude her, but I don’t want to put her in a horrible situation after she’s been through something so cruel. Tbh I just want my cousin to be able to come, it’s not fair he won’t be there. But he can’t be there and we’re just going to have to accept it. So bees wwyd?
Post # 2
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
CuppaSarah: what an awful situation, I’m so sorry about your cousin. My thoughts are invite her because it gives her the choice of whether she feels able to attend or not.
Post # 3
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
I agree with PP, invite her and let her make that decision. My condolences to your family.
Post # 4
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - hotel
Thank you both. That’s what my gut was telling me. I think my cousin would be upset if she wasn’t invited. Also thankyou for the condolences, we’re all still quite in shock about it.
Post # 5
Member
8435 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
CuppaSarah: you are overthinking this. Yes you should invite her if think of her as family. If she decides she isn’t ready to attend a happy event yet then she will decline.
It really annoys me when people think that those grieving or who are ill are no longer capable of living life or making decisions. When I was ill with cancer people would decide I wasn’t well enough to attend an event and wouldn’t invite me instead of giving me the chance to make the decision for myself. All it does is make you feel excluded and worse about your situation.
Post # 6
Member
3639 posts
Sugar bee
Whether she can handle attending or not is up to her. BUT imagine how absolutely heartbreaking it would be for her to NOT get an invitation and think that she has not just lost her fiancé, but an entire family. That without him she no longer means anything to the people she was soon to call family.
Send the invitation, it’s the best and right thing to do.
Post # 7
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - hotel
j_jaye: I wasn’t overthinking it till family told me I shouldn’t be inviting her. I’m very sorry for what you went through, but greif is a funny thing that effects everyone differently, since there’s no one fits all answer I wanted to get as wide of an opinion as I could to make sure I minimize the chance of offending anyone. I’d rather annoy strangers on the internet than family.
Post # 8
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
I’d invite her, as it’s a lovely gesture. And then she can decide if she’s able to/wants to come or not.
Im sorry you’re in this situation. 🙁
Post # 9
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - hotel
With your opinions being so unanimous, I wonder why so many family members have said I shouldn’t invite her? I wish I’d jsut listened to myself and not them now.
Post # 10
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
I agree with pp-invite and let her decide.
Its possible your family members were trying to put themselves in her shoes and make a guess as to whether or not she would come. However, that’s not the point of an invite.
Post # 11
Member
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
CuppaSarah: Invite her and give her the choice. If it was a long time ago it might be different, but since she’s been part of the family so recently, she needs to know she’s still loved.
I’ve no idea why some of your family said not to, but whatever, j_jaye’s post pretty well refutes any reasons they might offer.
Post # 12
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
Everdeen: completely agree. She will make up her own mind if she is ready to come or not OP. Leaving her out would be sad.
Post # 13
Member
3731 posts
Sugar bee
CuppaSarah: Invite her, give her a +1 and she can make the decision to come along or not.
Post # 14
Member
6543 posts
Bee Keeper
CuppaSarah: I personally would invite her. I would include a handwrittten note in the invitation letting her know that you’re thinking of her, and you totally understand if she doesn’t feel up to attending, but that you want her to know that she’s still very much a part of the family and you’d love her to be there. I can’t imagine what she’s going through, having lost her fiance and having her whole world turned upside down. Even if she chooses not to attend, I’m sure it would mean a lot getting the invite.
Post # 15
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
CuppaSarah: I think your family members may have been trying to determine whether or not they would go if they were in her shoes and telling you not to invite her off of that, but I’m sure she is able to make her own decisions and I think you should invite her. If you don’t, there’s a good chance she would feel left out IMO.
