Post # 1
Fiance and I are finalizing our guest list as our Save the Dates will go out in less than a month. Paul* my ex from high school is one of my good friends. We dated on and off throughout high school, but always managed to keep in touch with eachother over the years. Over the past year, we’ve been talking several times a week. He and his wife live a few states away, so I rarely see him unless we’re both in our home town.
Fiance knows we talk. He says he’s ok with it, but he made a comment this morning about no exes at our wedding. I said I wasn’t aware of that rule and I had Paul on the list.
Fiance: I didn’t know that. Me: Well, you looked at the list a few days ago. I have him on there. Is that ok? Fiance: We agreed no exes at the wedding. Me: I didn’t know that we agreed on that. Is this a problem? Fiance: That would be like me inviting Clair.* Me: I asked if you wanted to invite her and you said no. Do you still talk with her? Fiance: Occasionaly. Me: Well, I have Paul on there because he’s one of my good friends. If you have a problem with inviting him, we don’t have to.
That’s how we left it this morning. Ugh..I don’t know what to do. I’m torn. I see Fiance’s side, and this is OUR wedding. So I feel obligated to adhear to his wishes. But, Paul is one of my good friends. Any advice? Any Bees in the same situation?
Post # 2
Advice: Choose your local husband over your long distance friend.
Hubs isn’t asking you to end the friendship, he just doesn’t want to see Paul on his wedding day. Not sure why you’re torn. Sounds like you already agreed not to invite your ex since your husband clearly has a problem with it.
Post # 3
I’m sorry, this is a tough situation! I think in this case I’d defer to my FI’s request.
Post # 4
Well first, did your ex invite you and your fiance to his wedding? If he didn’t, then you aren’t as good of friends as you might think and it should be no big deal if he doesn’t get an invite. And even if he did, it seems to me that your fiance is not comfortable with the idea. He might not come right out and say it, but he clearly doesn’t want him there. I guess it comes down to if you feel inviting your ex is worth the grief. If you do really want him there I think there is going to have to be some more conversations about it, getting your fiance comfortable with it.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I ran into this too. I casually dated a guy in college. We haven’t seen each other in person in years, but still chat from time-to-time via social media. Darling Husband has always been fine with this arrangement. When we got engaged my ex DID ask for an invitation to the wedding. I DID think about inviting him, but I ultimately opted not to. To be honest I didn’t even ask Darling Husband, because I didn’t want to put him in a position where he’d feel awkward (he’s the kind of guy who’d say yes in the moment but resent me a little later for it). My ex completely understood why he couldn’t be there.
Post # 6
This is a tough one. Since you are still friends with Paul, I think you should invite him, but I also understand that you don’t want to upset your Fiance. I guess I would view Paul as a friend though, not an ex.
I invited my old high school boyfriend to our wedding, but Darling Husband didn’t care. After all, it was high school, so we weren’t that serious, plus it was 10 years ago. My ‘ex’/friend and I don’t talk as often as you and Paul, but we have always been there for each other, and I consider him one of my closest friends- even though we only talk every couple months and we only see each other when we are both in our hometown at Christmas. I kind of think that your Fiance is being unresonable- especially since Paul is married too… I wonder why he is uncomfortable with your friendship?
Post # 7
lahela017 : That’s how I feel! We dated in HS which was so many years ago. I feel like he’s a friend, not an ex. But Fiance doesn’t see it that way.
I’m leaning towards not inviting him. I’d be irriated if Fiance invited someone to our wedding that I wasn’t cool with. I guess this means that Fiance isn’t as cool with my friendship with Paul as I thought..
Post # 8
anthonyswife : yes, at the end of the day, I think you need to go with your Fiance on this. You don’t want him to be uncomfortable on the day at all. However, I totally understand where you are coming from on this!
Post # 9
Thats for sure a no from your Fiance. Sorry bee, but I think you have to respect his wishes on this one.
Post # 10
anthonyswife : I’d suggest putting your FI’s feelings first. 🙂
Post # 11
Sounds like your Fiance definitely has an issue with Paul being in attendance at your wedding. It’s unfortunate but I feel its a must that you prioritize your FI’s feelings over your friendship with Paul.
Post # 12
anthonyswife : I’d defer to your fiance’s wishes – he’ll be more hurt if you invite Paul than Paul will be if he isn’t invited. DH has one friend that I don’t like because the first time she met me she kept going on and on about how she hooked up with my (now) husband in college. She was obnoxious and pathetic (I mean really, I think he’s great but if making out with him 10 years ago was the highlight of your existence you have issues) and I don’t care if he is still friends with her, but I did not want her at the wedding. So she wasn’t invited to the wedding. I gave him similar veto power over anyone I had dated or hooked up with in the past.
Post # 13
Definitely not. It’s really weird to invite any exes to your wedding, in my opinion. This wouldn’t even be a question with me.
Post # 14
anthonyswife : I think your Fiance needs to come first and if Paul is a good friend he should be able to understand not getting an invite.
Post # 15
Your fiance has made it very clear he expects that Paul will not be invited. If you’re asking what you should do……you should respect your fiance. Why are Paul’s feelings more important than your future husband’s?
I always vote no exes. Regardless of if you’re “cool” now, no one wants to stand up there in front of people who have seen the love of their lives naked on this very special moment. But then again….I don’t keep in touch with any of my exes.