(Closed) Do i invite my FIs friends bitchy girlfriends??? Opinions pls

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wouldn’t come if my Fiance was not invited to the wedding.  I think your Fiance has very valid concerns about his friends not coming if their SO’s are not invited.  I understand that you don’t like these girls but I think you might have to invite them.

You say that they are fairly new relationships but that they were rude to you 3 years ago? 

Post # 4
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think that if you make up a rule for plus ones, it needs to apply to everyone and not just these 2 girls. Our rule was no plus ones unless they were in a long-term serious relationship or they were living together. Something like that would be perfectly acceptable.

I’m so sorry you have such toxic people in your life. I wouldn’t want these “ladies” around me either. If it does become a huge issue, you may just have to be the classy one and just let them come. Maybe them being there with your FIs friends will make them watch the bitchiness. Guys don’t generally deal well with petty, girl-crap.

Post # 7
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You are supposed to treat social units as, well, social units.  People in relationships should be invited as a couple, truly single people do not need to be afforded a plus one.

Post # 8
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think that if they are serious partners to your FI’s friends and others will be allowed dates you should invite them. Plus, I wouldn’t want to rekindle a feud between them since they could possibly be around for the long haul. Plus, you wouldn’t exactly be making friends with your FI’s buds by doing this either. I wouldn’t want to start my marriage off by having bad feeling between FI’s friends and I.

Post # 9
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I see what PPs are saying, but if one of these girls threatened you with violence in the past- I definitely think an etiquette exception can be made.

Your fiance should recognize how abusive these people were/are and agree not to extend the plus ones.  You said their relationships are new, and I think if you know his friends well, it would not hurt to write them a letter or invite the guys over for dinner/coffee and explain your position as to their abuse like an adult.  If they refuse to see why it makes you wary, it is up to them whether to come or not.  May I also suggest approaching the girls and asking for a conversation in which you can discuss the issues and request an apology before invitations would be extended? 

Post # 10
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would not invite them to my wedding, ettiquette bedamned.  If your Fiance feels he must explain to his friends, he can tell them the truth or tell them that he wants them with him at these events without the hindrance of gfs or blame it on space constraints.  Whatever. 

Post # 11
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

People are not entitled to a plus one. Not just single people but anyone who is just “dating someone”. I see that many bees decide that their plus one for guests is only married, engaged or living together. With that being said, there is the rare occassion where you have a serious couple who has been dating for 3+ years and still not living together for whatever reason but that can be handled on a case to case basis. I think you are TOTALLY justified and actually have a legit excuse to give Fiance friends without starting any trouble. They can speculate all they want about why they were not invited but at the end of the day, it’s up to you and Fiance. There is NO WAY I would invite them but thats just me.

Post # 12
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I agree completely with zippylef, dashwoodgirl and Chix. Someone’s who threatened you shouldn’t be at your wedding! However- I like dashwoodgirl’s idea about getting together before the invites go out- I can’t tell from your posts if you’ve recently been around these women, and if anything has improved. Plus ones aren’t a given- one of my best friends only invited one dating couple to her 140-guest wedding, and that was a bridesmaid who was in a year-plus relationship (all other couples were engaged or married). 

Post # 13
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

yea if they have been dating less than a year i wouldn’t invite the girls.

Post # 14
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

this is tricky. I am sorry to have such a messy situation.

Firstly, If i wasn’t invited to my FI’s friends wedding i would be upset, and I am sure my Fiance wouldn’t want to go on prinicple.

BUT…

I don’t want to dismiss abuse- but how have these ‘girls’ been treating you since dating ur FI’s friends? Have they matured? I am sure we have all done stupid things, and made people upset and hurt at some point in thier lives.  Have they grown up? have they ever apoligized?  If that is a no. I would seriously discuss this is your Fiance. there is no reason to feel scared intimidated on your wedding day.period.

I was hurt emotionally by people in my town, but (after counselling) i was able to confront them with how i felt. They had no idea that they had affected me so much.

 

Post # 15
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@fayrhiannon:  DO NOT INVITE THEM. Claim budget reasons/wanting a smaller wedding.

You need to talk to your FH and let him know how you feel. Furthermore you need to talk to his friends and let them know NOW a plus one WILL NOT be extended.

If they must come, put them in the back behind family hehehehe

Post # 16
Member
11391 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would not invite any person, no matter who they are if they bullied & or threatened me in any way! Sorry but I wouldn’t. Call me a rude person or what have you but no one would have been at my wedding that said they was going to harm me!

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