- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I’m having a huge issue with inviting my sister’s boyfriend… or should I say not inviting. And I’m not sure if I’m crazy or if I’m doing the right thing.
So my younger sister has been with this guy double her age and is being watched by detectives for drug smuggling. Supposedly he hasn’t been in trouble with the law in about 5 years now (may 6…?). But that’s not the issue, everybody makes mistakes.
Selfishly she has slowly taken herself away from us (meaning my family). Because nobody wants to be around her boyfriend and is usually not invited to family events she ends up not coming. I have tried to say to her that we love her, we don’t love him. if she chooses to be with him, great, but we are not choosing to be with him and don’t want to be around him.
Now to throw in a few wrenches:
My brother is a state police, my cousin a city police officer and a good family friend is FBI. They can not knowingly be around a known fellon. Nor do I want to put my family in a situation like that, this is their lively-hood and income for their families.
The major problem is that he is vulgar and dis-repectful to my family. He has driven by their house and cursed at them yelling “you better respect me” to my parents and my sister in law while she was walking her newborn. My mother (who has given us almost half for our wedding) said that she will not go if he is there. NOW WHAT??? ARGH!
So I made the decision and told my sister trying to have her understand that it is my day and if I HAD to choose my parents or her boyfriend, I would choose my parents and hope that he would respect that and hope that he would do the same in the same situation.
I did not choose my only sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor because she has not been around in my life for the last 5 years because of this guys (not to mention the financial burden – I had to pay for her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress!). She has been throwing digs at me about it like “see i could have been your MOH”, “i could have done this”, making me feel like krap for choosing my sister in law (i’m closer to my brother and in turn became very close to his wife).
Well – lately my sister has been ignoring my calls, texts and emails when I’ve been asking for advice. I figured she was buys until I get a TEXT this morning saying her boyfriend was up all night crying because she finally told him he wasn’t coming to the wedding and that “this” is going to break them up and not by her choice, his. She then said to not ask her for wedding advice because of this.
Devils Advocate –
If I were in her position I would be devastated I couldn’t take my boyfriend to a wedding. Who will she dance with, who will she share any touching moments with. But I was in a similar position with a boyfriend of 8 years – my family did not love him and my brother hated him. Guess what, I went to family events without him.
So I’m not sure how to handle my sister…? I’m somewhat nervous she won’t show up. I want her to be happy, I want her to be there but she won’t talk to me. Only texts me when she wants to threaten me. Do I ask her flat out, do you want to be a part of this? Am I ready for her to say no? (not sure).
What do I do?????