(Closed) Do I invite my sister’s boyfriend or my parents to my wedding? help!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Wow that is rough situation to be in 🙁 It really sucks that she is essentially putting you in the position of having to choose. It sort of sounds like you have already made your choice though…If your parents won’t be there if sister’s bf is I think it makes sense to choose them over a person who you worry would even stoop to cause a scene on your day!! Does your sister understand that by asking you to have her bf she is asking you to not have your parents? Do you think you could sit her down to talk about it?

Post # 4
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think it is a horrible position to be in.  But the day is about family and you can’t univite half of yours for your sisters boyfriend.   It makes it really tough when the selfishness of someone blinds them from doing the right thing.  I think you have to invite your parents and hopefully your sister will come too.

Post # 6
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think you’re right in not inviting him, imagine not having your mum at your wedding day!!!!

Post # 7
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I honestly think this has gone a litte far for your mom to say she wouldn’t come if he is there. It is your day and you should be able to invite who you want and whether you like it or not this is the person your sister and chosen to be with for 5 yesrs. you say your relationship has been strained for 5 years becuase she is being selfish. Just imagine if this were a bee saying she wasn’t invited to her Darling Husband family events and such we would probably tell her that her significant other of 5 years should take her side and stick up for her. That is what she is doing for this guy. I think you and your family need to reassess how you are treating her, if this guy is really that big of a loser she will need you all someday to be there and support her when she finally gets it.

ETS: I took devil advocat’s point on this one.

Post # 8
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mehler1717:

Just stick with what you’ve already done. Seriously, would you rather have this guy at your wedding than your parents and the three other family members that work in law enforcement? (And I don’t think this dude really cares about coming to your wedding; I think if he’s threatening to dump your sister over it, it means he’s looking for an excuse. Especially since there are specific legal reasons he can’t attend; he should know that.)

Just tell your sister straight up, “If he comes, mom & dad won’t come and these other guests can’t come. I’m very sorry, but they’re family and take precedence. I hope that you’ll still come and be my bridesmaid, but I understand if you choose not to.”

Post # 9
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Tangent: If he’s under investigation, he’s not actually a convicted felon yet then, or does he have a prior conviction for something?  I’m just asking because my read of what you wrote is that your cop friends will be legally ok hanging out with him (I mean, what does”known” mean?  if they don’t have evidence themselves of his activities, but heard through rumor, is it really known?  and you’re not really a felon until you’re convicted)…so it’s just preference then, which has me putting my legal-bee hat on to cry out “innocent until proven guilty!” 

I think you need to decide if you want him there or not.  If you do not want him there, then you’re on the right track.  Figure out a way to communicate to your sister that you still love her, and you understand she’s in a tough spot right now, and that it sucks that he would choose to break up with her over something like this (an invite to a family wedding where he’s treated the family badly).  I think he’s just seeking an excuse to break up with her.

If you decide you are ok with him coming there, you need to sit mom down and talk to her instead.

For what it’s worth, I’d not invite him.

Post # 10
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Parents come 1st In My Humble Opinion…  It is as simple as that. 

This dude sounds like he has been disrespectful to you and your family on more than one occasion.  Do you really want that vibe at your wedding?

Post # 11
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Is your sister an adult? Then you can’t really dictate who she brings.  You can voice your concerns and leave it at that.

Also, I don’t think that there will be issues with your law enforcement family members being in the same room as a felon.  In fact, I have never heard of that in my life.

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