Post # 16
The cousin lives out of town. He brings his girlfriend to events sometimes but mostly not. The other issue with allowing the cousin to bring his girlfriend, is that I have 3 other cousins who will expect that invitation as well. The reception space is in a historic hotel. When had to cut the guest list (and create this rule) because the room could not hold all the people we originally invited. I understand its a sticky situation, but I can’t go to the caterer with additional guests up until the wedding.
Post # 17
sweatergal007 : It’s a historic hotel. The rule was first created because we had too many on the guest list and had to create a way of determining the “B” list.
Post # 18
2 weeks is way too late to do anything. You should not feel bad though because your sister brought it on herself by waiting so late.
Maybe their relationship is super new but has recently gotten more serious so now she wants him to come? Who knows – but tell her that from a logistical standpoint there is nothing that can be done.
Post # 19
I’m having a 30 person wedding, super small, and the only person who got a plus one is my sister. She’s the only single one coming, and I wanted to show her that I care more about her than I do my intimate wedding. She’s inviting her best friend. She’s your sister, so I say invite him.
As for the cousin, I say No, not necessary.
Post # 20
I hate the no ring no bring policy. I’ve been with my OH for three years. If he’s not invited, I’m not coming either.
i have a long term friend who pulled this one… I’ve been there for her her entire life. She didn’t invite him…. we no longer speak.
Post # 21
saenglish : oh I see. Then just say you can’t because the venue won’t allow it, and it’s true. There’s nothing to be done about it now. They’ll get over it. I don’t understand why people are so last minute. Your sister was being weird about her bf too.
Post # 22
This thread is misleading. The title is if you should invite him – Yes, yes you should. But now you are saying you CAN’T. Which is it? It sounds like you are using the venue as an excuse because you just dont want to. So I don’t really buy the venue and catering excuses, but maybe they are valid. I feel like you are going to create drama with your sister and family and drive a wedge between you instead of just inviting 2 extra people.
“I don’t want people there that I don’t know”
Post # 23
She is your sister. She deserves a plus one no matter when she started seeing him. Even if she didnt have a bf, she should have gotten a plus one.
She probably assumed she had a plus one all along..because she is your sister.
Why dont you call the venue and see if they can accomodate one more?
Post # 24
Agree with pp that you are changing your story. The original post mentions nothing about the venue needing the final numbers 2 weeks in advance…it’s just one sentence after the next about how you personally do not WANT to invite this guy because you feel disrespected, you don’t know him well, your sister didn’t open up about him to you, etc. You say you’re really stressed by the situation – so why not nip it in the bud and call the caterer to find out if they can accommodate him? Including the bf seems like it would solve all your problems…except of course the unspeakable horror of your sister/MOH bringing a guest that you are not intimately acquainted with yet.
I also find it interesting that everyone else in your family (your mother, your aunt etc) wants you to invite him. Who is paying for the wedding out of curiosity?
I think this is just one of those situaitons where you need to be the bigger person. Yes it’s annoying she didn’t ask for an invitation sooner – but maybe their relationship just recently became more serious and she wasn’t sure she wanted to include him before? We had something similar happen with a groomsman and his new girlfriend (whom we had never met). We happily extended the invite to her late in the game because we had space and we were excited that this groomsman had found a great new partner! They are now engaged.
Post # 25
I woudn’t let her bring him, even if she assumed she has a +1 she should have indicated that when the RSVP’s were due and she could’ve repalced that person with her Boyfriend or Best Friend, and not just assume that she could add someone up to the day of the wedding.
I had a similar situation where my Brother-In-Law told us 2 weeks before the wedding that he was bringing a date now after telling us he wasn’t. When we told him no it turned into a huge fight and my Father-In-Law saying he wouldn’t go to the wedding so Brother-In-Law could bring his date (who he ended up bringing someone different to the wedding than he told us 2 weeks before). This caused a lot of issues with me and my IL’s and I still resent them and don’t want a lot to do with them (there was a lot more besides just this but it was the final straw). Basically they didn’t respect our wedding and made it about them. Don’t give in just because someone else wants you to, I did that way too many times and relationships are not the same because what I wanted for my wedding didn’t matter.
If it was that important to your sister that he be invited she should have talked to you before this. She had an RSVP card so she knew when it was due, and I would assume she would know there is a deadline on an RSVP for the very purpose of things like catering so if she wanted him to come and be able to eat something, she would have had to let you know then.
Post # 26
My sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor and I honestly would have let her invite the guy down the street the day before if she was so inclined. She’s your SISTER and your Maid/Matron of Honor, you should absolutely make an allowance for her.
I wouldn’t worry about the cousin, especially if there are 3 others that should get the same consideration. I’d be moving mountains for my sister though.
Post # 27
So you invited people and then redid your guest list to accommodate a different venue? Did I understand that wrong?
Either way, it’s your sister. Maybe she hasn’t talked much about it because she really likes the guy and is just trying to figure things out for herself. Invite him. My best friend who is a little bit older than me got married 5 years ago and would not let me bring the guy I had been talking to for a while because she had only met him once and we weren’t “officially together” yet. That guy and I will be celebrating our two year wedding anniversary in a few days and my best friend and her family adore him. I dont hold it against her, I’m just saying, you never know.
Post # 28
Personally, I would stick to your original rule of only inviting engaged and married couples. Otherwise there won’t be consistency and then all the guests will wonder why they weren’t allowed to bring their other halves (assuming they are in relationships of course) It is hard, especially with family, but it is your wedding and you should do it how you want to do it. My fiancé (then long term boyfriend) wasn’t invited to my sisters wedding, and I completely understood and respected that. It was her day, her decision. It wasn’t bitchy of her; weddings are expensive and she just didn’t know him that well that justify the cost. I think that’s fair. Your family should respect your wishes.
Just gently explain to your sister that you don’t know him very well and therefore he hasn’t been invited on this occasion. If all else fails just tell them the caterers couldn’t fit in any extra heads.
Also, I feel like everyone on here is very quick to judge you and your family. They should know and respect that not everyone is super close with their sisters and families. You can’t pick your family and unfortunately not everyone is blessed with loving, caring and supportive parents. I feel like the people saying they would do whatever for their sister and move mountains to make allowances for them are very fortunate to have that kind of bond, but it is not a given and you are perfectly entitled to prioritize yours and your partners wishes at your own wedding. It is him that you will spend the rest of your life with.
Hope it works out for you! X
Post # 29
Yes! I’m sure your sister would do the same for you. Adding one person isn’t going to throw things out even 2 weeks away from the wedding.
Post # 30
I would let your sister bring her boyfriend – it’s always tricky navigating a new relationship and figuring out when it’s appropriate to ask the couple and your bf/gf to go to the weddding, so she may not have been sure in May. It’s still 2 weeks away and just one more person, and this may end up working out for them. I brought my fiance to a destination wedding just 3 months after we started dating and we’re now engaged.
For your cousins, I wouldn’t give them a +1 this late in the game, but I think you should make an exception for your sister – your cousins will understand that bridal party members usually get a +1. It’s pretty clear.
I wouldn’t let your ego / stubbornness get in the way of this — in the long run, it’s only one person and this important to your sister and your family. And who knows, you may end up liking the guy and he may end up being your brother in law one day.