- 3 weeks ago
Hi Bees, hope everyone’s well. I’m writing this in the hope that someone can give me some objective advice. I’ve been in an international company (let’s call it Company X) for a year and a half now after moving back from France to London. I’m in a high level, demanding but fun job in advertising and met my now boyfriend at work pretty much immediately after I moved back from France. He asked me on a date pretty much as soon as I started with the company, and we went on one date , followed by another 5 dates (5 nights in a row as we just clicked!). We got more serious and serious quite quickly over 5 months, keeping our relationship secret the whole time as I was new to the company and he’s a Director (similar age, but as I was new we wanted to keep things professional).
Fast forward a year and a half later, we’re still together, so in love and moving in together in 4 months. I’ve really been enjoying my role over the last 18 months, but to be honest, I’ve started to find working with him gives me anxiety at work. Mainly because he’s more senior to me and his boss is his best friend, and whenever I have to go to client meetings with my boyfriend/ or sales pitches/ or do presentations with him (we’re on the same team), I feel this constant feeling of dread. I think its because we all tend to act/ speak quite differently at work and I find that the fact we work on the same team means he knows EVERYTHING about my working day.. from my performance, my boss’s opinion of my work (as my boss is very close with his boss). The hardest part is that the money I make, as I’m in sales, goes onto my boyfriend’s team’s target as he is the manager of that team, so I feel so much pressure to perform because if I don’t , he knows.
The anxiety I feel is all my own insecurities as he doesn’t care. He’s told me he thinks I’m so talented, loves me , just wants me to be happy and can see how hard I work, but part of me just wants to separate him from work so that I can go to work and not worry about what he thinks, particularly as he’s in a more senior role. So, a few weeks ago I got an interview at another huge international media company (Company Y) and ultimately they offered me the job. It’s slightly more in base salary, good work life balance, and is an iconic company. The problem is that I’m expecting a bonus in 2 months from my current company (a huge bonus that would go towards a house deposit in the future). I’ve asked Company Y and they can’t wait 2 months for me to start, so I’d have to start the job 1 month before my bonus would be paid, meaning I’d be walking away from a large chunk of money.
Secondly, I told my boss today about my job offer, and she said that she would match it , and make me more of a global lead for our company this year (which is great for my career progression, but means I’ll still be working closely with my boyfriend and still feeling the awkwardness/ anxiety of always wanting to be on top form/ not wanting to embrass myself in front of him in meetings). I’m just SO conscious of the fact that, as we’ll be living together in 3 months, is it a bad idea for me to carry on working for a company where I’ll be working with him so closely? We’ll be commuting with each other in the morning, working closely together in the day & seeing each other in the evenings… I’m scared that that’s unhealthy. Up until now, and still now, we love working together and seeing each other everyday and we have SO much fun as we’re best friends as well as a couple, so we’ve worked hard up until now to keep things professional – the whole office knows we’re together now which is nice, but I also feel that he’s always going to be attached to my success at work now becuase we’re together. However I don’t want to leave my current company/ a potentially amazing opportunity with my current company just because I’m beginning to find it difficult separating him from work.
Am I just thinking about it too much? Should I just stay for my bonus, take the promotion and see how the next 6 months go? Or take the new job in Company Y which is still a step up in base salary and start from scratch in a new company where my relationship will be completely separate to my professional life? (Please note: I have built strong credibilty with my current company, and have worked hard for them to respect me based on my work and performance).
Thank you xx