Do I leave my job to take a new job offer because of my boyfriend?

posted 3 months ago in Career
Post # 16
Member
12811 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The 12K bonus is nice but would not be enough of an incentive for me to give up another great offer under the circumstances. I’d be very concerned about a personal relationship with a superior, and frankly am surprised that your workplace is OK with it. In reality,  you don’t know that everyone there is. 

Post # 17
Member
891 posts
Busy bee

No way in hell I’d be walking away from 12k. The other job would have to step up there offer to at the very least partially make up the difference. If they can bridge that gap then yes I think it would be better to switch jobs. I never advocate for spouses working together.

Post # 18
Member
3944 posts
Honey bee

But it’s not 12k after UK taxes. And diversity of income source is a serious consideration for a couple.

Eta: PP edited their response to delete the portion of their comment (re: privileged bees and walking away from 12k) so my comment doesn’t make any sense anymore.

Post # 19
Member
891 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
zl27 :  yea I did because I thought it sounded dickish and the sentiment of my statement still remained the same, that I wouldn’t walk away from 12k. Which means your comment still did make sense but seems like you want to call people out so good for you. And I literally edited it within 5 minutes of posting, which I’m pretty sure is what the edit button is there for.

Post # 20
Member
3944 posts
Honey bee

I didn’t call you out. You called yourself out. If I wanted to call you out, I would have tagged you. 

Post # 21
Member
3158 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
joanne1992 :  first I want to say how pleased I am to see how things have turned out for you. We all knew that moving back from France would be the start of big things for you. 

ive worked with a few couples over the years and in every case one of them has ended up leaving and taking a new job. In your case the fact that there is some perceived link between your performance and his means that at some point it could get inappropriate or lay you open to issues.

what does he say about this? Have you discussed whether it makes sense for him to leave? Or what long term career goals are? 

Post # 22
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I would probably leave. I like my work and personal life being separate. Even though that’s a big chunk of money. Your success has nothing to do with your boyfriend and you shouldn’t be questioning that.

However, if you’re in London you’ll have at least 4 weeks notice. It’s not uncommon to extend your notice period because you’re completing projects or have meetings to attend. You’re only asking to extend your notice by 4 weeks and at the level you are at, you could have had 8 or even 12 weeks notice. The fact that the new company isn’t being flexible in the start date would be something I’d keep an eye on.

Post # 23
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

Tough one, it’s a huge chunck of money to walk away from but you aren’t happy at work and that’s really not good at all!! I worked with my partner for awhile and as much as I loved it there was the occasional irritation. 
what does your partner say about the decision?? 
I’d be inclined to put your happiness over money but it’s not that simple sometimes, sorry Bee!!

Post # 25
Member
4621 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
joanne1992 : with your update, I will say that sounds like you have a great boss who values your work and doesn’t tie your success to your partners. Honestly, I worked in sales/commission roles during my uni years and I would never have walked away from a job a few months before a huge bonus was coming my way. I worked too damn hard with the stress and pressure of sales/KPIs to walk away from months of blood sweat and tears. I wouldn’t give that up especially now that your boss is willing to work with you and match your other offer. You’ve establish yourself in your company and to give that up and start again plus the loss of a bonus would put you back a huge chunk, career and earning wise. I also wonder if your relationship also pushes you to go the extra because you don’t want to fail infront of your boyfriend or look like to your colleagues that you ‘sleeping’ with the boss is the only thing keeping you in your job. (I’m not saying that’s the case 😊) if you are indeed in a role that requires you to meet targets and seal the deal sales/presentations/pitches wise, it’s probably working in your favour to get the edge. Moving might mean you lose that motivation and that bit of extra magic that can make you a gun. Head space is everything in sales. Sales are always stressful and anxiety inducing jobs irrespective of what company you work for. 

I’d stay with your current employer for the time being and I’d put into place some rules for working with your boyfriend that makes you feel like you have some separation in your day. If you don’t feel it works in say six months time then reevaluate. If you’re good at your job and you have a name for yourself and stats to back it up, a lot of companies will happily employ you down the track. (maybe even the one offering you a job now) Don’t give it up for a guy that you’ve yet to move in with. If you’re the same bee I’m thinking of from the past, I’d advise you to not put the horse before the cart  again and give everything up for a guy that hasn’t really even commited to you yet. He could be the world’s worst boyfriend once you move in with him. Don’t take steps backwards in your career or sacrifice your financial future for a guy no matter how great you think he is. When you are officially tied together then you both weigh up options and work as a team. Until then stay put and enjoy the extra income and career progression that  your hard work in the last 18 months has awarded you. 

 

Post # 26
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - Dracut, Massachusetts

I did this with my ex, he was my boss too. It gets EXHAUSTING being together all the time. People used to think I got special treatment at work, when in reality I got it worse- just at home. It was hard to set boundaries. I know you’re losing a big chunk of money, but I think going forward with the new company is the best idea for you. Your happiness and mental health is worth much more than whatever they are offering. Trust me.

Post # 27
Member
12811 posts
Honey Beekeeper

A one time 12K bonus is a lot, but looking ahead, and considering all the possible complications and consequences, staying could ultimately cost a lot more than that. 

Post # 28
Hostess
3986 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
weddingmaven :  This. 

I would love a 12k bonus, but considering the offer you’ve already received and the discomfort with your SO (I would be hella uncomfortable too), I would take the job.  Can you negotiate a higher salary or a sign on bonus to offset some of that 12k? 

Post # 29
Member
3944 posts
Honey bee

Another option to offset that loss is to ask for something that costs them less, but impacts you similarly.

I don’t have a UK specific example, but in the US, they could give you a monthly commute allowance that is tax free to you and tax advantaged to them. Say they gave you a $300 commute allowance. Depending on your tax bracket, that could be the equivalent of $6k annually pre-tax, which means you would be whole in two years (and net positive thereafter). But it only costs the company $3,600.

Another option is to ask for more vacation days, which may be hella helpful in the future if you decide to have kids (especially if vacation rolls over, even partially, at the new company).

Finally, have you thoroughly compared benefits packages? Because there could be found money there.

Post # 30
Member
5843 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Company Y’s response is strange to me. I work at a large international company and it is normal practice to buy out people’s options and/or offer them a signing bonus to compensate for their missed bonus cycle. I would tell Company Y sorry but you’re not willing to forgo the bonus. I expect they’ll either mysteriously find the money or decide they can wait 1 month before you resign your current position. Also, is this their initial salary offer? COUNTER. Tell them your current company is willing to match so their current offer is not enough incentive to move.

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