Post # 31
I scrolled through this fast, and I’m disregarding the money talk. Leaving my last place of work (where I met and worked with my boyfriend for a little over a year) to work elsewhere was the healthiest thing for my relationship. We bickered a lot about work when we worked at the same place. You need that break from each other.
Post # 32
I’m really surprised your relationship isn’t in violation of a company/HR rule. While he’s not your direct supervisor and it doesn’t sound like there is a direct reporting line between you, but since he’s a director that could put him in a position of theoretically having influence over your career, compensation, annual reviews, etc by virture of his internal network. In other words, other emploiyees might perceive a conflict of interest. I’d be worried about someone complaining “She got promoted because her boyfriend and her boss are best friends!” or something like that.
Post # 33
misslucy : Thanks for your reply. It isn’t in violation because I don’t report into him. I’m on a separate team – however our business is structured where the revenue I book falls onto his team’s figure as well as my own. As he manages that team, it gives me a lot of pressure because if I’m having a bad few months (which I am now) he knows about it and it negatively affects his team’s target
Post # 34
cmsgirl : Thank you SO much for your advice. I can’t tell you how helpful it was. I have an update. I decided to take my manager’s offer (of the matched pay rise) and sh also offered me an opportunity to have more of a global role this year – which could be good for my career long term. Basically 2 days ago I accepted that and told her that I would stay. I was happy with that as it meant that I’d get my big bonus in March and I felt that as she offered me progression, I felt that I wasnt just taking this opportunity for the money. I was honestly still sad and not sure if I’d made the right decision because the other company is my dream company and I always dreamed of working there, and it would be a relief to not be working so closely with my boyfriend, but what you said about me working so hard all year for my bonus was so correct.. I didn’t want to walk away from that.
The problem though. Today, Company Y called me and the woman that would be my manager, let’s call her Emily, called me and said that she was gutted that I’d turned the role down and asked if there’s anything they could do. I explained the situation that I was waiting for a big bonus and that I just could not walk away from that before March. She turned around and said that they would wait 4 MONTHS until April for me so that I get paid my bonus, then I could start after that.
To be honest.. I really am so torn. Deep down, if I can leave with my bonus and take the new job, that’s what I want. I’d get my bonus that I worked so hard for last year as well as the new job. She sounds SO supportive, kind and lovely and I’d love to have her as my manager.. but if I left, it would mean getting paid my bonus then handing in my notice basically 2 weeks later. I feel that that would completely destroy the relationship I have with my manager / my reputation. What’s your opinions on this?! I spoke to my boyfriend and he said that it’s business and happens all of the time and that I should just do what makes me happy.. but at the same time while he’s a director there, the last thing I want to do is leave on a horrible note.
I really don’t know what to do 🙁
Post # 35
joanne1992 : It sounds like you have your boyfriend’s support, who is a director there.
If this is your dream company, I would wait the 4 months then take their offer. You may never get another chance, and there are a lot of other non-dream companies out there for you. You will not ruin your reputation. You are looking out for you. If something happened to you, and you weren’t able to work, what would the company you work for do? They would replace you. Get paid and follow your dreams.
Post # 36
Look out for yourself. Take the new job.
Post # 37
You’ve discussed a personal decision that can impact the success of your current company with someone you are sleeping with who happens to be a Director at your current company. Accept the dream job at the dream company before you are in a much more complicated situation than you already are.
Post # 38
joanne1992 : take the new job.
ive worked in several companies that pay bonuses once a year. In all of them the peak time of year for resignations was the month after bonuses were paid. It was so well known that we planned our recruitment activities accordingly.
Post # 39
joanne1992 : take the new job! Seriously
Post # 40
Twizbe : Thanks Twizbe, you do have a good point and I know that, but the problem is that when my manager counter-offered me, I accepted it (thinking the other company wouldn’t wait 4 months for me), and accepted her offer. She was so happy & relieved and is putting a 12 month plan in place to help me progress in my career. If I turn aroudn 4 months later and tell her I’m leaving, I’m so worried that she’ll be absolutlely livid that I’ve done that.. not just because of the bonus but because she fought to get me a pay rise and progression. It’s so difficult. I wish Company Y had told me when I first asked that they would wait for me, but it took me turning down the job for them to decide otherwise.
Post # 41
joanne1992 : you know what. The vast majority of managers get it and don’t hold resignations against people. They know life happens and I think she gets that the bigger issue is working with your boyfriend.
Post # 42
Take the new job!
Since you don’t have to tell her right away that a new offer came down the pipe four months from now you can pretend it’s sudden (when you give your notice)if you’re that worried about her reaction.
Post # 43
As someone who just did a 180 after accepting a job, people get it.
I work in a smaller field, so I sent over an edible fruit/flower/chocolate dipped arrangement the next day with a card thanking them for wanting me to be part of their team, and a brief apology we weren’t able to make it work.
The partner who had tried to hire me via phone “I’m disappointed of course. We wanted you here for a reason. I understand why your current firm wanted to keep you. I hope you’ve made the right decision.”
Senior associate sent a text: “Choices are tough. I’m sorry we’re not going to have you here. Do you want to get coffee next week?”
Junior associate sent a text: “The fruit is not enough. If you want my forgiveness you must buy me a beer as well.”
I get that my example comes from a very small field where EVERYONE knows each other, but also understands business is business. No one took it personally.
I would take the new job at the dream company!
Post # 44
I know the bonus is a lot-but what is the cost of your peace of mind? Sounds like you are excited about the new opportunity. Is there any chance you worry the new job will reduce the connection you have with your partner?
Post # 45
joanne1992 : that’s fabulous that they’ve come back to you with an amended start date and are willing to work with you. It really shows that you are exceptionally good at what you do and that your hard work has paid off having every company bending backwards to get you to stay or come work for them.
In light of this new development, I’m going to say take the new job. Walking away from a bonus of that size would have been a waste of months of hard work and would have set you back financially. Don’t worry about your current company getting upset. They will get over it and everybody on personal level will understand your choice and would probably make the same decision too if in your shoes.
You don’t have to tell your current boss the full truth. Take the current offer from the current company. When the time comes for you to hand in your resignation, just tell your current boss that the other company contacted you a few days ago as a position had just opened again and they thought you’d be an excellent choice to fill it. That way it doesn’t look so obvious that you stayed around to collect your bonus and had been intending to leave. Tbh though, it’s pretty common for people to hang around for a bonus and then leave a few months after. A Company that offers large bonuses a couple times a year expect this. A friend of mine works for a huge international company that pays large sales bonuses in January. She does recruitment and training and she says March and April are crazy for her because people leave after the bonus is paid out and she has to hire and train to refill the vacated spots. My old sales company used to do bonuses every quarter but changed it to every month because it got ridiculous as a lot of staff would leave after they got their bonus paid out. It actually started affecting sales numbers. They preferred that a few people would quit every month as opposed 12 people in one hit every 3 months!
You’ll be fine. Don’t stress about looking out for yourself. You sound like a loyal person but sometimes in life you have to learn to look out for yourself first and do what you have to do to prioritise yourself. That even goes with your current boyfriend. If he’s the right guy he will be there every step of the way supporting you and being your biggest cheerleader. Until you are an official unit don’t go putting ‘us’ before what is best for ‘me’.
Good luck with your new job and wishing you all the best with your relationship.