Do I leave my job to take a new job offer because of my boyfriend?

posted 1 month ago in Career
Post # 31
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

I scrolled through this fast, and I’m disregarding the money talk.  Leaving my last place of work (where I met and worked with my boyfriend for a little over a year) to work elsewhere was the healthiest thing for my relationship.  We bickered a lot about work when we worked at the same place.  You need that break from each other.  

Post # 32
Member
2608 posts
Sugar bee

I’m really surprised your relationship isn’t in violation of a company/HR rule.  While he’s not your direct supervisor and it doesn’t sound like there is a direct reporting line between you, but since he’s a director that could put him in a position of theoretically having influence over your career, compensation, annual reviews, etc by virture of his internal network.  In other words, other emploiyees might perceive a conflict of interest.  I’d be worried about someone complaining “She got promoted because her boyfriend and her boss are best friends!” or something like that.

Post # 35
Member
7014 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

joanne1992 :  It sounds like you have your boyfriend’s support, who is a director there.

If this is your dream company, I would wait the 4 months then take their offer.  You may never get another chance, and there are a lot of other non-dream companies out there for you.  You will not ruin your reputation. You are looking out for you.  If something happened to you, and you weren’t able to work, what would the company you work for do?  They would replace you.  Get paid and follow your dreams.

Post # 36
Member
3780 posts
Honey bee

Look out for yourself. Take the new job.

Post # 37
Member
6917 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You’ve discussed a personal decision that can impact the success of your current company with someone you are sleeping with who happens to be a Director at your current company. Accept the dream job at the dream company before you are in a much more complicated situation than you already are. 

Post # 38
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

joanne1992 :  take the new job. 

ive worked in several companies that pay bonuses once a year. In all of them the peak time of year for resignations was the month after bonuses were paid. It was so well known that we planned our recruitment activities accordingly. 

Post # 41
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

joanne1992 :  you know what. The vast majority of managers get it and don’t hold resignations against people. They know life happens and I think she gets that the bigger issue is working with your boyfriend. 

 

Post # 42
Member
743 posts
Busy bee

Take the new job!

Since you don’t have to tell her right away that a new offer came down the pipe four months from now you can pretend it’s sudden (when you give your notice)if you’re that worried about her reaction. 

Post # 43
Member
594 posts
Busy bee

As someone who just did a 180 after accepting a job, people get it.

I work in a smaller field, so I sent over an edible fruit/flower/chocolate dipped arrangement the next day with a card thanking them for wanting me to be part of their team, and a brief apology we weren’t able to make it work.

The partner who had tried to hire me via phone “I’m disappointed of course. We wanted you here for a reason. I understand why your current firm wanted to keep you. I hope you’ve made the right decision.”

Senior associate sent a text: “Choices are tough. I’m sorry we’re not going to have you here. Do you want to get coffee next week?”

Junior associate sent a text: “The fruit is not enough. If you want my forgiveness you must buy me a beer as well.”

I get that my example comes from a very small field where EVERYONE knows each other, but also understands business is business. No one took it personally.

I would take the new job at the dream company!

Post # 44
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I know the bonus is a lot-but what is the cost of your peace of mind? Sounds like you are excited about the new opportunity. Is there any chance you worry the new job will reduce the connection you have with your partner?

Post # 45
Member
4549 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

joanne1992 :  that’s fabulous that they’ve come back to you with an amended start date and are willing to work with you. It really shows that you are exceptionally good at what you do and that your hard work has paid off having every company bending backwards to get you to stay or come work for them.

In light of this new development, I’m going to say take the new job. Walking away from a bonus of that size would have been a waste of months of hard work and would have set you back financially. Don’t worry about your current company getting upset. They will get over it and everybody on personal level will understand your choice and would probably make the same decision too if in your shoes.

You don’t have to tell your current boss the full truth. Take the current offer from the current company. When the time comes for you to hand in your resignation, just tell your current boss that the other company contacted you a few days ago as a position had just opened again and they thought you’d be an excellent choice to fill it. That way it doesn’t look so obvious that you stayed around to collect your bonus and had been intending to leave. Tbh though, it’s pretty common for people to hang around for a bonus and then leave a few months after. A Company that offers large bonuses a couple times a year expect this. A friend of mine works for a huge international company that pays large sales bonuses in January. She does recruitment and training and she says March and April are crazy for her because people leave after the bonus is paid out and she has to hire and train to refill the vacated spots. My old sales company used to do bonuses every quarter but changed it to every month because it got ridiculous as a lot of staff would leave after they got their bonus paid out. It actually started affecting sales numbers. They preferred that a few people would quit every month as opposed 12 people in one hit every 3 months!

You’ll be fine. Don’t stress about looking out for yourself. You sound like a loyal person but sometimes in life you have to learn to look out for yourself first and do what you have to do to prioritise yourself. That even goes with your current boyfriend. If he’s the right guy he will be there every step of the way supporting you and being your biggest cheerleader. Until you are an official unit don’t go putting ‘us’ before what is best for ‘me’. 

Good luck with your new job and wishing you all the best with your relationship. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors