Do I leave my job to take a new job offer because of my boyfriend?

posted 3 weeks ago in Career
Post # 46
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t say anything about the offer until after your bonus and be like “Yeah I tried, definitely too much working with Boyfriend or Best Friend.” Of course he knows the truth but sounds like he’s supporting you, so he should understand. 

You get paid to work. It’s a business relationship. You earned your bonus. You earn your salary. You need to do what is best for you. Companies replace people all the time, best not to have false loyalties. 

Post # 47
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

joanne1992 :  Here’s the thing. Companies will always look out for themselves. Loyalty is only really expected of employees. The truth is that if it were for the best interest of Company X, they would let you go without a second thought. You need to do what is right for you. Stay at Company X until you get your bonus and then get out of there. Better yet, ask Company Y to increase your salary to off-set the bonus and jump ship right now.

Women tend to give these things way more thought than a man does. Women worry about their employer’s feelings and what they will think of them. Men just care about what’s in it for them. We need to be less emotional about who we’re disappointing when we’re doing what is right for us and our career. Company X will find someone else and manage without you. You wanted out of there for a reason but you need to make a move now before Company Y get’s tired of your indecisiveness. You’re running the risk of looking wishy-washy; not a desirable trait for a new employee.

Post # 48
Member
41 posts
Newbee

Take the new job. It’s your dream company and they want you enough to let you wait four months. 

People understand, it is business. The month following bonuses in any company that does bonuses is the one with the highest turnover. In fact, that’s why so many companies defer bonuses from when they are announced (e.g., promotion to manager at a big 4 consulting firm offered a big – like 1/3 salary big – bonus. Promotion announced in June, title change in July, and bonus was the following April. YoY bonus you knew in June and didn’t get till October).

I would have another opinion if this wasn’t your dream company and you were leaving just bc of your Boyfriend or Best Friend. 

Also – I agree with PP that once your company knows you’ve interviewed elsewhere, it can come back to bite you later even if they give a great counter which you accept. Your employer looks out for your employer first, no matter how much talent you have. 

Post # 50
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

Don’t shit where you eat, Bee. Whether you take the new job now or after you get the bonus, you gotta go. Even though your immediate supervisor is understanding, there are other who are probably not.

If your company is springing out bonuses like this, it probably has a high turnover rate. Your next manager may not be so forgiving.

I learned the hard way that when it comes to employment, you have to look out for Number One. I stayed in a shithole job because I had just started and the office was understaffed. The day after I turned down the job offer from a better place, I learned that the office had just hired a senior temp employee to help out because we were short staffed. Months later, when we fixed our understaffing problem, guess who got bumped out to make room for the more senior temp worker? Employers look out for themselves.

You seem like a very conscientious person and your manager will see that. I say leave now. Jumping ship after taking the bonus is a dick move, and the new company might not keep your spot open. If you’re still working with your bf, and your personal relationship does not work out, the fallout to your professional reputation will be much greater than if you quit after taking a counteroffer. You haven’t even been dating that long. This stress isn’t worth it. And people at your job are talking behind your back, even if it’s not malicious. You are naively and unknowingly chipping away at your own professional reputation. Save it. It’s all you have.

Post # 51
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m a bit surprised you brought up your job search to your boss without resigning. Anyways – Listen, I’m sure you are a great person to work with, but your departure is not going to sink your company. At the end of the day, the manager will fill your position and move on. No company likes losing talent, but they aren’t going to get their feelings hurt over it. You didn’t sign a non compete and you are in no way obligated to continue working for a company for X amount of time because they made you an offer. Honestly, they are talking long term with you, but by demonstrating you are on the market, you kind of singled yourself out as someone who is probably going to quit. 

As far as giving your boss your word, I get it. It sucks to disappoint people – she certainly doesn’t want the added work of filling yet another position. But you are ultimately just hurting yourself by staying with this company. 

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