(Closed) Do i miss my ex or do i just want to use him as an emotional crutch?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

barnes66:  I think you are spending way too much time thinking about guys and not enough time exploring what it’s like to be a single independent woman. You will never feel fulfilled in a relationship until you feel fulfilled out of one. Work on yourself, date yourself, have fun by yourself and stop defining fun as which guy you find attractive enough to sleep with. 

You will find love but you have got to love yourself first. You are using both men as distractions from the important stuff. Being single can be life changingly good if you approach it in the right way. Get some hobbies, hit the gym, join an art class, hang out with your friends. Stop flirting with men and start figuring out how fun and empowering it can be to do stuff for yourself because you feel like wearing make up. Not so a guy can notice you wearing it and tell you how pretty you look. When you feel truly happy in yourself, then date. But not before. I was single for two and half years before I met Darling Husband and I grew up, I lived a fabulous life and I was more fucking interesting for it!

Post # 3
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

He’s your ex for a reason. He should not be your crutch. Maybe now is a good time to embrace being single to grow as a person rather than wondering who the next boyfriend is going to be.

One of DH’s friends has been on again off again with his girlfriend for more than a decade probably because of similar situations. You’ve broken the cycle, so you don’t want to get into that habit again!

Post # 4
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

Ex chose another woman over you. He knows where you are. If he wants to talk he will call. They always do. If he doesn’t and you call him and he’s not interested, you’ll just make yourself feel like crap. Trust me, if he wanted to talk, he’d call.

Post # 6
Member
11535 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

You had several threads that were either closed or deleted where you were following a guy at work whom you thought liked you but then he would ignore you and then he resigned. then there was the woman at work to whom you announced that you would be taking her to your church and she got silent and cold. These things all speak of an intense need in your part to interact, and to pressure those around you into interacting with you. Don’t add your ex to this pile. 

I am really sorry you’re in pain, but you should leave other people alone and focus on yourself. See a therapist so you can get support in standing strong by yourself. You aren’t helping yourself by denying that you’re in pain and unable to sort it out on your own. There’s no shame in asking for help. Good luck to you.

Post # 8
Member
11535 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

barnes66:  I’m sorry you don’t feel my suggestion was constructive. I still think it is. I do see this as directly related to your other threads, where to be honest (I wasn’t judging before but now that you’ve accused me of doing do), you were being downright creepy and you made several people very uncomfortable. 

you followed that coworker, who it turns out was married or engaged, out to his car multiple times and waited for him in the lot in your car. He would walk away from you and you took it as a sign of interest. There was a lot more to it as well. 

I am as much concerned for you as the people you are interacting with, so I’m afraid I’m not going to stay off of your threads. This is a public forum, and you are now asking if you should focus this unhealthy amount of energy in yet another attached man. The answer is no. 

I tried to be kind by suggesting therapy. I’m sorry you didn’t like that. But I am also sorry for the many people you have followed and obsessed over.  And I’m not going to be silent about how inappropriate your behavior can be. I am allowed to disagree with you here. Take it in the spirit it’s intended. 

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