Do I need appetizers?

posted 3 years ago in Reception
Post # 31
Member
4798 posts
Honey bee

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whitecollarbee :  Do you know what’s also a “real thing”?  Catholics choosing to prioritize their faith and being good hosts over their vision of an evening reception.  I’ve been to plenty of Catholic ceremonies where cocktail hour and the reception started immediately afterward.  I would probably be far less harsh (not accepting, just less harsh) if some of the people who have gaps didn’t act like their Catholicism was so burdensome and forcing them to have a gap and just owned the fact that they were purposely making a decision that prioritizes their vision over their guests.  The Catholic church doesn’t force people to have a gap because they don’t force people to have evening receptions or choose venues that don’t open earlier.  Those are all choices people make that can be mitigated with better and more thoughtful planning.

Post # 32
Member
2944 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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bettydraper23 :  I never said you shouldn’t provide food and drink, but people on this site are pretty over the top about coming down on people for any and every little thing that could be perceived as imperfect hosting and I’m kind of sick of seeing it.

There are people on this site who think if you don’t provide a fully open bar all night long you’re a bad host. Meanwhile, I’ve been to dozens of weddings and only once has there been an open bar. It has never ever occurred to me to feel jilted by that. Nor has it ever occurred to me to be upset that there is a gap between the ceremony and reception, which has been the case at EVERY SINGLE WEDDING I have ever been to, even the secular ones (never even been to a Catholic one). 

There is nothing wrong with hosting table wine and then having a cash bar available afterwards for those who want to continue drinking, or having a cash bar and giving each guest a few drink tickets, or having a toonie bar. 

There is nothing wrong with having a gap between the ceremony and reception. 

There is nothing wrong with offering a limited selection of alcohol. 

And I know, I know, I fucking knoooooow “if you’re on a budget cut your guest list so you can properly host the guests you do have” is the response I’m gonna get to all this, but that is ridiculous. I would MUCH rather be invited to a wedding and have to pay for my own drinks after dinner than not be invited at all. And I would rather not have to hurt people who I am close with by cutting them out of my special day because of some whacked out priorities that say it’s more important to provide unlimited booze and food to a limited number of people than it is to have everyone there who is important to us.

A good host has a responsibility to provide food and drink, and enough that their guests are comfortable. But they are not obligated to go into debt or cull 80% of their guestlist to provide endless food and drink all night long. 

Post # 33
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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lucyinsky :  Whatever you do, do NOT add a third location is this for real? Two with a break is enough but 3? I cant imagine who would even go to a totally seperate location for cocktail hour like a huge no.

Also.. sorry but an arboretuem isnt that unique of an sattraction and I dont know many people who would go early to walk around that..most people wouldnt want to walk for an hour in heels and evening clothes/make up/hair done plus with zero food and drink? What

Just start it at 5 and provide basic apps doesnt need to be fancy, if anyone does want to come ealry then can

 

Post # 34
Member
2322 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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sboom :  Totally agree! Some of these threads are so irritating. In a perfect world, yes- full bar, zero gaps, no guest spends a dime to attend, etc etc. but that’s just not realistic. It’s really shocking to see how heated people get about these things, must be exhausting to be so uptight.

Post # 35
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

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annabananabee :  “purposely making a decision that prioritizes their vision over their guests”

I just don’t understand when the wedding became more about the guests than the couple getting married?  I feel like this site gets so fired up about being a “gracious host” that half the people here ought to just elope than not live up to Weddingbee reception standards. 

The people who typically attend weddings are your nearest and dearest, and I bet given the choice of not attending the wedding or having a gap between the ceremony and reception, they’ll take the gap.  A gap isn’t the end of the world, nor is not having appetizers served during a cocktail hour.  Yes, she “should” do it, but if she doesn’t everyone will survive and still remember the day fondly I’m sure.

Post # 36
Member
2944 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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co_katherine :  I find that a lot of people on this site seem to see being a guest at a wedding as some odious task that they only deign to do out of a sense of obligation and, therefore, if they are expected to go out of their way to partake in someone else’s special day, they damn well better be treated like royalty.

It’s just … such a weird perspective to have. I have always enjoyed going to weddings and when I look back on memories from weddings I’ve gone to, it’s not the food or the cocktails or the schedule that I remember. It’s the fun I had with friends and family. It’s the love and warmth I felt while watching two people I love commit their lives to one another. THOSE are the reasons I love going to weddings and it would break my heart if I found out that the only reason someone didn’t invite me to witness and celebrate with them is because they couldn’t afford to host a f ully open bar and multiple food offerings for that many people.

Sure, if I went to a wedding and the food was god-awful, came out three hours into the reception when we are all utterly famished, or there wasn’t enough of it, I would remember that and it would certainly reflect poorly on the hosts, but beyond that I really don’t care.

Post # 37
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

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sboom :  Yes, totally agree with you!  “It’s the love and warmth I felt while watching two people I love commit their lives to one another. THOSE are the reasons I love going to weddings and it would break my heart if I found out that the only reason someone didn’t invite me to witness and celebrate with them is because they couldn’t afford to host a f ully open bar and multiple food offerings for that many people.”

I’m sure the Bees will have my head knowing that we’re doing a paid bar and not doing a cocktail hour before the dinner…But at the end of the day we can’t afford it, and we realize these people would rather celebebrate with us than not be included at all. 

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