(Closed) Do I need some perspective?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

@soon2bhis: I feel like you should’t have to say anything at all….? You are paying off the debt that you said was 75% his, why would he be upset by you taking a few lazy days? Even if you weren’t paying off his debt, everyone is entitled to a few days to relax without someone complaining about it. I work more than Darling Husband husband does because I make less but I never ever complain about his days spent on the couch. Instead I thank him for what he has done around the house, yard, etc.

You should tell him that you work hard and you deserve a few days to rest afterwards. There is nothing wrong with that and frankly I am sorry you have to defend it.

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

ouch – you ARE working plus you are away from the comforts of home for 2 entire weeks in a row every single month, my thoughts are you are entitled to occasionally sit on your butt watching soap operas if thats what you want to do

like a lot of men he doesnt realise that a clean kitchen and cooking doesnt pop out of thin air thanks to fairy dust – i would be calling my hubby out as selfish, especially considering the financial situation that he has burden the family with

i think you need a mediator to discuss this so he can see where you are coming from – it might help him feel less attacked and hopefully he will appreciate the other things you do when you are not working

i would also be taking up a hobby that will keep me out of the house and busy for those 2 weeks of the month you are home – let him see what the “fairies” do with the housework when you are not doing it

Post # 6
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My POV is that if you’re making more than him and paying off a debt that’s 75% his, you shouldn’t be hassled about getting another job. As long as you’re getting some house things done while you are home for those 2 weeks (totally sounds like you are), then you deserve a few lazy days (ESPECIALLY if that’s how he spends his free time). 

I’m wondering if it’s not so much a $$ issue that you guys are having but just a communication issue re: fairness in housework and spending/finances. Maybe just having an honest talk about what you’re both expecting from one another and also what each of you feels is fair will be best (once both of you are not hot on the issue). IMO, you’re totally fine in this situation and shouldn’t feel like you need to pick up a second job. 

Post # 7
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I totally know what you mean! I work shift work (12-hr shifts), so I work less days in a month than my fiancé does (he works 8-hr days). Yes I have more days off, but I deserve those extra days off because I work longer hours when I work. I feel like I have to constantly explain this to him, it’s so annoying. I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain myself, and if I want a lazy day, I’m allowed it! Sorry you are going through this. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you need a second job – you shouldn’t be expected to work on your days off unless your Darling Husband does too.

Post # 8
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I gues Just remind him that 75 % of the debt belongs to him and although you may work “less’ in appearance ,you make more in reality. He needs a little change of heart to have a more gracious and thankful attitiutde regarding you!

I know what your saying about how you don’t want to badmouth, but theres nothing wrong with a little brotherly/sisterly “reproof” so to speak, since we are all not perfect!

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@eloping: Yes, a mediator probably would help.  I don’t say things the way I should sometimes, so they get misunderstood which never helps.

absolutely – you love the guy, he loves you but it doesnt mean you understand eachother all the time or that you listen/hear/say things the right way

counselling does not mean your marriage is in trouble, its another way to hear eachother with a referree that can help keep hurt feelings down to a minimum – goodluck!

Post # 10
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

double post

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