(Closed) Do I need to chill, or am i right to be bothered by this?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I be bothered by this?
    you need to chill : (2 votes)
    1 %
    Dayum girl! You have better control than I have! I would have ripped her a new one. : (234 votes)
    75 %
    I would ignore the situation : (16 votes)
    5 %
    I would talk to anne and tell her how her post made you feel : (60 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 11
    Member
    323 posts
    Helper bee

    you are not crazy at all. she publicly called you a name, expressed disapproval of your relationship, and made a play for your man! who does that?!? i would want my SO to end his friendship with this girl after all of that, or at least not hang out with her alone, but that’s just me. i think how you are feeling is totally normal. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    375 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    If it bothers you, you need to tell him that.  I know that you don’t want to tell him, “No, you can’t be friends with her or go out with her,” but by saying that it would bother you and being honest about your feelings, you aren’t really doing that.   If he doesn’t know your true feelings, he can’t make a decision based on ALL the information and facts.

    Honestly, part of me would expect him to stop being friends with her.  She obviously does not respect your relationship.  Why would he want to be friends with someone who thinks your a bitch and not good enough for him, especially knowing that she has feelings for him?  That’s not to say that all his friends have to love you, but it seems to me that she was waiting in the wings waiting for something to happen between the two of you so she could step in (she was acting like your friend for goodness sakes).  She isn’t looking out for his best interests here.  After all, we all have had a friend who was dating someone who was obviously wrong for them.  She had her own interests at heart and the second she thought you were out of the picture, she stepped up.   I know my fiance would no longer be friends with this girl.

    I think it was great that your Fiance didn’t go out to the bar with her, but I also think he needs to let her know that what she did wasn’t cool and that until she can prove in some way she’s a true friend and not a vindictive biotch, they are no longer friends.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1395 posts
    Bumble bee

    Honestly, I would be pissed if my FI even entertained the thought of hanging out with  someone who had publically disrespected me the way she did to you, OP!

    Post # 13
    Member
    3282 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @UpstateCait:  Co-signed!

    It’s one thing (still a shitty thing) to PM him that, but to put it on his wall where all your mutual friends can see it? And then it’s just a stupid glitch? She should have been on her knees apologizing…..not texting him to go to the bar!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1549 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Holy smokes. Typically, I am like, Fiance can see whomever he wants. But this is something entirely different. She declared that she had feelings for him. That cannot be ignored. Forget all the other stuff… that is NOT cool. 

    I would talk it over with Fiance and explain how uncomfortable it makes you. Then I would invite yourself on their meeting at the bar to make it even more awkard for her.

    But I’m glad someone caught it and made her look like a fool.

    Post # 18
    Member
    35 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    With what she wrote on his wall, my Fiance wouldn’t even be speaking to her. Just saying, the minute she posted that, most if not all ties should have been cut. Now this texting and bar invites?

    My problem wouldn’t be with SO, you have a great guy! But this girl may see them hanging out or still talking after her recent revelation as something it is not. And unless he made it very clear to her that it isn’t and will never be a relationship, they shouldn’t even be talking.

    And like PP mentioned, “She would have a one way ticket out of our lives for pulling that shit!” is EXACTLY what would happen if I were in your shoes!

    Post # 19
    Member
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    “Then I would invite yourself on their meeting at the bar to make it even more awkard for her.”

    Ha! I think this is a great idea – the devil on my shoulder speaking up

    Post # 20
    Member
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

    She posted that PUBLICALLY?!? 

    The only feeling I would have for her is pity.  How can someone be so foolish?  If she makes a habit of posting like that online, she’ll have some trouble in the job market.

    Honestly, I wouldn’t ever mention it, but I would ignore her from now on. This silly girl isn’t worth your time or energy.  Forget her.

     

    Post # 22
    Member
    79 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    WOW she is a loser lol… who does that??? If that were me, I would make it very known to her that I was aware of what she wrote. No need in pretending it didn’t happen. I can’t believe she pretended to be your friend but was secretly hating you and wanting your fiance, that’s insanely effed up. How two-faced is that?

     

     

    Post # 23
    Member
    3274 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I think she just ruined her friendships with you and Fiance with a FB comment.  She’s just… well, odd.  I personally wouldn’t want anything to do with her but it seems as though Fiance doesn’t have a choice. I also would have copied and pasted… and probably emailed it to SO immediately.

    Post # 24
    Member
    7528 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @possesivebee:  Aww, it sounds as though you have a wonderful guy there.  And I understand why it’s a tricky situation considering he’s professionally involved with her.  Too bad about that.  I hope she feels completely humiliated after this.  What a creepy thing to do!  Under the circumstances he didn’t do anything wrong by asking what you thought about going because he may have thought it was work-related.  Still!  She’s WAY out of line even to text him NOW.  Like I said, she BLEW IT.  My Fiance has a former “friend” like that, and she is no longer his friend.  And if she hadn’t made a play for him (one last time) I would have been cool with all of us being friends.  But she changed the game plan and there is no going back on that one.  Unless that chick GROVELS at your feet, lol . . . which won’t happen.  It sounds like you and your Fiance have a wonderful relationship, very healthy and open communication.

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