(Closed) Do I need to get my vendors gifts??

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
4889 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I sent thank you cards to my photographer, officiant and the gal who did our hair (and her salon). We gave generous tips to our band and the gal that did our photobooth to say thanks, that way.

For my friend who did our slideshow (which we considered our gift), we did send her a gift card to a restaurant I know her and her DH go to, to say thanks – even though it was a gift.

Post # 3
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We sent thank you cards to most of our vendors, and tipped them as well. I don’t think a gift is necessary unless they’re a friend or someone really helping you out.

Post # 4
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I wouldn’t and probably am not going to. I don’t personally know my vendors, and I’ll be paying and tipping them accordingly so I don’t feel it’s necessary to give them anything further. They aren’t doing me a favor, they’re doing their job like anyone else. We’ve already worked with our future photographer once and he’s awesome, so I may send him a card, but as all decorations, food, cake, music, etc. are being provided by the venue, I don’t have a lot of extra people to thank anyway.

Post # 5
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Dchalifoux2012:  What? You are paying them for a service. No need for a gift, unless they are like a family friend who did something for free.

If they did a really great job tip them a little extra and write them a nice review. 


Post # 6
46024 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

A fee and possibly a tip depending on the service, are all that anyone needs. This is a business relationship, not a personal one.

Post # 8
3038 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

I wouldn’t.

I’ll get a gift for my friend who is making our cupcakes (even though we’re paying her too… i’m sure it’s lots of work!) I’ll probably also give the same favors i’m giving to guests to our photographer because they’re friends and i know they’d love a little keepsake.

Post # 9
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Dchalifoux2012:  yeah no, once I started writing checks the thought of givinh them anything other than a tip went out the window lol!


Post # 11
1043 posts
Bumble bee

Nope, just a nice tip and a verbal thank you. We wrote reviews for the vendors whom we loved. We also did not have a personal relationship with any of our vendors.

Post # 12
1693 posts
Bumble bee

People have different kinds of relationships: family members, society peers, close friends, business associates. Etiquette has different rules for different kinds of relationships in different circumstances, and well-bred people avoid blurring the line. Confusing business with friends and family is what leads to the unethical practices of nepotism, or to losing friends by treating them like hirelings.

Good friends-and-family etiquette is to say thank-you, send politely worded notes when a mere verbal thank-you is not enough, and send little thoughtful gifts when gratitude overwhelms you.

Good business etiquette is to make sure contracts are clearly written so that all expectations are laid out plainly, to make agreed-upon payments on time, to refrain from asking for unpaid favours or additional unpaid services and, if the service went above and beyond what you contracted for, to pay a bonus commensurate with the service. In addition, any employee of your contracter who provides you with a personal service should be individually tipped.

There is nothing impolite or socially unacceptable, about being in business; so it is perfectly good manners to treat your vendors in a businesslike manner. Treating them like friends — by giving gifts rather than paying a bonus — suggests that you are uncomfortable recognizing their professionalism in the appropriate businesslike way, and is actually poor business manners.

In the same way, of course, offering money to dear friends who have done you the favour of some personal service, is treating a friendship as though it were a business relationship, and is bad social manners.


Post # 13
1372 posts
Bumble bee

We gave all of our vendors a tip inside of a Thank You note.  The only gift we gave was to our Officiant who was a friend and was included in bridal party activities/gifts.

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