(Closed) Do I need to give money as a guest?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If you ask on this site, most people think that you don’t even have to give any gift.  Personally, I think if you are strapped for cash then giving the personal gift is fine.  No, you don’t have to give money.  There are people who go to weddings and give nothing (and some of them can be the biggest pain in the ass to boot, lol).

Post # 32
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
brittxox:  A gift is a gift… not a requirement. You give what you want. Even if they are of a culture where you HAVE TO give cash, if YOU aren’t you can’t be expected to follow that. I assume if she’s your friend she has some sort of sense of your situation and isn’t expecting a huge cash gift from you. 

Post # 33
2067 posts
Buzzing bee

Where I live giving a gift at the wedding as opposed to cash is common.  Maybe it depends a bit where you live but I think your homemade gift with a card is fine. 

Post # 34
1465 posts
Bumble bee

A wedding isn’t a cash money maker for the couple.  I would be thrilled to have my friend attend with no gift than to decline because she couldn’t afford one.

Post # 36
1099 posts
Bumble bee

We received everything from a monogrammed mug (funny, because you joked about mugs!) to 4-figure cheques. We honestly, truly appreciated every single gift. ESPECIALLY if accompanied with a heart-felt note. Actually, we mostly just preferred the heart-felt cards, even from people we aren’t all that close to. We got all emotional reading them!

Don’t worry about it!

Post # 37
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I would be horrified if I found out guests weren’t attending because they couldn’t afford a gift. I’m inviting close friends and family to our wedding because they’re important to us and we want to share the day with them. Gifts are not at all necessary.

Post # 38
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
brittxox:  I think the handmade gift is perfectly fine. I would hate for someone not to attend my wedding just because they can’t afford a gift. I invited people because I wanted to spend the day with them. I wouldn’t care if nobody brought gifts.

Post # 39
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I agree with many of the PP. No gift is required, especially cash. And giving a personal gift is completely polite and a nice token. I found it really interesting to read about cultural differences and the POV as guests.  I suppose I’ve always thought I was invited because they wanted me there-not just as a gift-giver! I will give as much as I can, but if I ever thought I shouldn’t go at times when money is tight, well-I’d wonder why they were even inviting me. 

Actually-I’d almost forgotten about this but I got a FB request a couple months ago from someone I’d never met asking a giant group (100ish?) of women for their addresses so that baby shower invites could be sent. This shower was for a woman I’ve spoken to maybe a handful of times and who had added me on FB. (Since I barely know her she was immediately marked by me as an acquaintance).  She’d added me to this group so her friends could send out constant requests and reminders for addresses and registry information. (Until I figured out how to remove myself!)

To me, this was such an obvious attempt to solicit gifts I was very offended. Sorry to ramble-but my point is- people should not be invited with the expectation of receiving anything. And also, when registering for stuff, you should be marking items in a wide range of prices and things you would be considering necessary and likely to be purchasing for your new home after marriage or for a baby.  To only or primarily put things on there you’d never consider buying yourself-well, why would you put that pressure on a guest? 


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