Post # 17
I would just give her a list of options or say you’re still undecided on many of the things.
Like: “I looked into photographer X, X, X, and X. They were all in a a reasonable price range but with different styles so you can choose based on the type of photography you like!”
And: “This X florist makes beautiful arrangements, X florist was recommended to me by a friend, and X florist can make unique designs”.
My best friend and I shared ideas. But nethier of us “copied” each other too much. I went with the same florist as her. And we both gave jewellery to our BM’s as gifts. We weren’t too too similar though. But I wouldn’t have cared if they were anyways since we had different guests for the most part. However, we were each other maids of honor and I felt like planning along side her was fun. It doesn’t sound like you’re necessarily having fun with this girl so I think it’s completely your call. I don’t think it’s worth ruining a friendship over, but you’re certainly not obligated to tell her your vendors. If she gets pissed off it’s her own problem.
Post # 18
Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie.
Tell her you have different vendors than the ones you really got and if she asks why you have ones other than who you said say you had last minute difficulties.
Post # 19
@Tallulah_: I would do it in a heartbeat for a good friend. The question is, is she a good friend? A lot depends on how you feel where the friendship is, after the bridal party issue.
Post # 20
+A million! That was my first response, too!
Post # 21
@Tallulah_: Personally, I don’t think she sounds like much of a friend and I’d stop answering her calls. Do your own work, woman!!
Post # 22
If your vendors have done a nice job, then why would you not want to send them a referral? That is more business for them, and more money in their pockets.
Post # 23
You don’t have to help her if you don’t want to, but if you do, make sure you don’t feel obligated like you did with the bridesmaid issue. Be honest and polite with her, there’s no need to lie, and you’ll feel better about not lying. My best friend is getting married too, and I’m more than willingly providing her all of my contacts because it makes her happy and seeing her happy makes me happy; in fact, I’d be honoured that she wanted to copy my wedding! Now, the question is, do you consider her a good friend? Blackmailing doesn’t sound nice to me :/ I’d probably consider removing her from the bridesmaid list, not as revenge, but because you initially didn’t want her in… but that’s just me!
Post # 24
Well i was considering asking her to step down but I think to avoid drama I’ll just leave it as is 😛 …I’m hoping I don’t regret it but she is a little on the dramatic side and I feel like if i ask her to step down she’s going to make my life a lot worse than me leaving her be. As for her asking for my information I like the idea of telling her general people that I’ve looked at but not MY exact vendors!
If things get nasty i may have to ask her to step down…I just don’t even know how to approach that topic
Post # 25
I just have read too many posts about this kind of thing happening and then the person in question stealing your wedding. Don’t tell her your actual vendors and be extremely vague about any plans (except for the bridesmaid dresses lol)
Post # 26
Why would she make your life worse? Well, my question is not exactly why, but how? You don’t have to tell her your exact vendors if you don’t want to. Like you said just give her some contacts so she doesn’t throw a tantrum and you don’t have to deal with it. But in all seriousness, I think you should really put some thought in regards to your friendship. Is she always this way? Do you want to keep her as a friend? In regards to your question about how to approach the stepping down issue, I guess I’d just simply tell her something along the lines “Amy, I’m really sorry, but I changed my mind about you being my bridesmaid. It’s too much drama and I’m not willing to handle it during this important, stressful moment of my life. I sincerely hope you understand.”, and stick with it. Yes, she might take it as an offense and get mad, but that’s not up to anyone but her. And yes, you could lose her, so you need to consider if you’re willing to put up with her drama/tantrums/etc to save your friendship. Hope you find this somewhat helpful.
*Edit* Amy -> Jane Doe
Post # 27
I think it’s a little petty to be upset at her because you weren’t willing to put your foot down about your own bridal party.
However, I don’t think you should feel like you have to share your list of hand-picked vendors with her at all. That’s not about friendship, that’s about an experience that is important and special to you which doesn’t need to be shared.
Post # 28
Thank you 🙂 your response was very helpful and your wording for asking her to step down was firm but not offensive or harsh, which is perfect.
I’m currently weighing my options and our friendship. I’m giving myself a couple weeks to decide whether or not to ask her to step down and then I’ll go frrom there.
I agree that I shouldn’t be upset for choosing to put her in the bridal party but at the time I had thought we were much closer friends. It was only recently she told me that she did not consider us that close. So, definitely my bad for making an assumption but it is a frustrating situation now. Thank you for your comment on the “sharing of vendors.” I agree that it’s something special to one person. 🙂