(Closed) Do I need to help her?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would just give her a list of options or say you’re still undecided on many of the things. 

Like: “I looked into photographer X, X, X, and X. They were all in a a reasonable price range but with different styles so you can choose based on the type of photography you like!”

And: “This X florist makes beautiful arrangements, X florist was recommended to me by a friend, and X florist can make unique designs”.

My best friend and I shared ideas. But nethier of us “copied” each other too much. I went with the same florist as her. And we both gave jewellery to our BM’s as gifts. We weren’t too too similar though. But I wouldn’t have cared if they were anyways since we had different guests for the most part. However, we were each other maids of honor and I felt like planning along side her was fun. It doesn’t sound like you’re necessarily having fun with this girl so I think it’s completely your call. I don’t think it’s worth ruining a friendship over, but you’re certainly not obligated to tell her your vendors. If she gets pissed off it’s her own problem. 

 

Post # 18
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie.

Tell her you have different vendors than the ones you really got and if she asks why you have ones other than who you said say you had last minute difficulties.

Post # 19
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Tallulah_:  I would do it in a heartbeat for a good friend. The question is, is she a good friend? A lot depends on how you feel where the friendship is, after the bridal party issue.

Post # 20
Member
12246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Helloemi:  +A million! That was my first response, too!

Post # 21
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Tallulah_:  Personally, I don’t think she sounds like much of a friend and I’d stop answering her calls. Do your own work, woman!!

Post # 22
Member
7470 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If your vendors have done a nice job, then why would you not want to send them a referral? That is more business for them, and more money in their pockets. 

Post # 23
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Brielle:  THIS +1000!!

@Tallulah_:  You don’t have to help her if you don’t want to, but if you do, make sure you don’t feel obligated like you did with the bridesmaid issue. Be honest and polite with her, there’s no need to lie, and you’ll feel better about not lying. My best friend is getting married too, and I’m more than willingly providing her all of my contacts because it makes her happy and seeing her happy makes me happy; in fact, I’d be honoured that she wanted to copy my wedding! Now, the question is, do you consider her a good friend? Blackmailing doesn’t sound nice to me :/ I’d probably consider removing her from the bridesmaid list, not as revenge, but because you initially didn’t want her in… but that’s just me!

Post # 25
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

@Tallulah_:  I just have read too many posts about this kind of thing happening and then the person in question stealing your wedding. Don’t tell her your actual vendors and be extremely vague about any plans (except for the bridesmaid dresses lol)

Post # 26
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Tallulah_:  Why would she make your life worse? Well, my question is not exactly why, but how? You don’t have to tell her your exact vendors if you don’t want to. Like you said just give her some contacts so she doesn’t throw a tantrum and you don’t have to deal with it. But in all seriousness, I think you should really put some thought in regards to your friendship. Is she always this way? Do you want to keep her as a friend? In regards to your question about how to approach the stepping down issue, I guess I’d just simply tell her something along the lines “Amy, I’m really sorry, but I changed my mind about you being my bridesmaid. It’s too much drama and I’m not willing to handle it during this important, stressful moment of my life. I sincerely hope you understand.”, and stick with it. Yes, she might take it as an offense and get mad, but that’s not up to anyone but her. And yes, you could lose her, so you need to consider if you’re willing to put up with her drama/tantrums/etc to save your friendship. Hope you find this somewhat helpful.

*Edit* Amy -> Jane Doe

Post # 27
Member
708 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s a little petty to be upset at her because you weren’t willing to put your foot down about your own bridal party.

However, I don’t think you should feel like you have to share your list of hand-picked vendors with her at all. That’s not about friendship, that’s about an experience that is important and special to you which doesn’t need to be shared.

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