(Closed) Do I need to pay extra expenses for our all friendors??

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think once they became vendors vs friends (and you need to treat them like vendors if they are providing a professional service for you) then yes. You are paying the expenses of the videographer, why would you not do it for the officiant and photographer? Coming as guests is one thing; coming because you are now obligated to do a job is another.

Post # 4
11657 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@whitemochi622:  I would say no.  Unless these people are ONLY travelling to your wedding to work for you and they have it as a stipulation of their contract I wouldn’t.

My vendors all have a 45 minute drive to the wedding, our venue is a half hour outside the city.  They know that.  No one is charging me delivery or transportation fees (except the caterer).

Post # 6
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

It’s a weird gray area. My friend is a professional wedding photographer, and offered to do my wedding for free. When I clarified, in order not to take advantage, she asked me to pay her flight and accomodation. I wasn’t expecting that AT ALL, but I quickly realized that she is giving up a professional weekend and will be working for me. But in the end, she’s turning the weekend into a longer vacation and so is getting her own tickets, AND we agreed she’d stay at my flat while she’s here. She was happy to make it as cheap as possible for both of us, but I wouldn’t have been upset if she’d stuck with her original requirement. 

Ok, a long way of saying– I imagine it depends on the friends. Perhaps you can compromise in some way and pay for part of something. 

Post # 7
709 posts
Busy bee

@whitemochi622:  I think it depends on what you agreed on with your friends.

I was the DOC at a friend’s wedding and she neither covered my travel expenses nor my accomodation. I wouldn’t have expect her to either and still gave her a generous gift. 

Post # 8
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think you don’t need to pay the expenses of your officiant, who can still enjoy the party.

The photographer, on the other hand, will probably not get to relax at the wedding, and I would be more generous with the expenses that I covered in that case.  We are having a friend who is a photog do our wedding, but since we were not planning on inviting him as a friend only, we are paying him his fees + travel + lodging and food.

Post # 9
2890 posts
Sugar bee

@whitemochi622: I wouldn’t feel obligated to pay everything, to be honest. They’re your friends, they would have attended your wedding and paid for accommodation anyway. If they agreed to be part of your wedding as a gift to you, I don’t see the point of paying for everything. It’s the service they offer that is a gift, not their ”presence”. The exception being, the one who clearly wrote in your contract that the flight had to be covered.

Post # 10
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@whitemochi622:  The officiant and the photographer are also professionals, and you are expecting them to act in that capacity for the day. They don’t get to enjoy the wedding as a guest, they have to work for most of it (the officiant obviously far less so than the photographer… so maybe I would cover for the photog but not the officiant).

Post # 11
9691 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

How much are you paying your photographer friend, in relation to their normal photogrpahy fees?  The photographer is not attending your wedding as a guest, they will be working for you all day.  The officiant (or hair/makeup) won’t have to work all day at least (they will put in what…1-2 hours?), so I can understand maybe not covering travel expenses for that since they will get to be a guest most of the day and you said you were gifting them $.  The photographer works 8+ hours though normally, and won’t get to enjoy the reception or wedding as a guest…at all.

Normally you would be required to pay travel expenses when you fly a photographer somewhere.  I think it’s kind of rude to ask them to work all day for you and pay for their own travel as well.  I would at least cover something.

Post # 12
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

It would be nice if you can afford it, but if not, I wouldn’t do it.



Post # 15
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

IMO I think vendors travel accomodatings should be paid. Because you can’t be both a guest and be expected to “help” out. Can you afford to maybe pay for at least for one night of the accomdations?

This is why working with friends is tricky and I avoid it at all costs. 


Post # 16
2510 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If they are your friends I would just accept their offer.  However, I would make it perfectly clear to them to please not give a wedding gift and that their service is an extremely generous gift

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