(Closed) Do I pay for the next dinner? (wedding gift related)

posted 4 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Hostess
18615 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would talk to your friend about it to see if she could work it out since it was your gift and your husband didn’t think when he made the offer.

Post # 4
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I personally wouldn’t be able to do anything about that after fh offered and they accepted… I can’t find any other way than to just let it slide and hope that they will forget it and you pretend you forgot that you offered. I mean, if you don’t get together so often then theres good chance that you can get away with ‘forgetting it’…

dont worry too much, just try to literally forget it.

Your FH didn’t say anything your FH didn’t say anything…

Post # 5
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@mseagles:  

I would just pay for dinner next time.  I do not understand, though, why you paid the tip.  

Post # 6
Member
6746 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would just pay offer to pay for the dinner next time – at the end of the day, the friendship is worth more than the cost of dinner and you don’t want to ruin it by looking like you offered to pay and then didn’t.  The RIGHT thing to happen is that you offer and your friend turns it down and says, “No, last time was our wedding gift to you, let’s just split it this time.”  And if she doesn’t do that, then whatever – it’s one gift you weren’t expecting anyway and it’s the thought that counts. 

Post # 7
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I have an idea! How about inviting them over your home for lunch or casual dinner for thanks, that way you are living up to fh’s word but way cheaper than dining out.

 

Post # 9
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@mseagles:  hmmm, then that means you don’t see them often, so next time either go to a cheaper place and pay (if that will make you feel any better) or just act like you’ll naturally be splitting the bill. Your friend is best friend yet she doesn’t want to properly celebrate with a gift or hosted dinner…? hmmm… Not that I’d be expecting but if I were in her shoes then I will be footing the bill AND giving you small gift

 

Post # 10
Member
8474 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Pay for the next one and call it a day.

Next time make sure you both pay your own way.

Post # 11
Member
6746 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mseagles:  Send the thank you note anyway and hopefully that means they won’t take the next free meal.  And, go to the cheapest place for dinner you can find LOL.  Then offer to pay and if they object once (which everyone really should at least once), then don’t push for it.  Say, “thanks again, I really appreciate that, let me at least cover the full tip again” or something.  If you do end up paying, they should cover the tip at least like you did!  I don’t know why your FH said that, but he probably felt uncomfortable.  I hate receiving gifts in front of people, it’s so awkward.

Post # 12
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I wouldn’t worry about it. Leave it in your FH’s court since he volunteered. You can give him hell about it if/when it affects your budget.

Post # 13
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

How is this a problem? Just pretend you’ve forgotten you offered to pay.

Post # 14
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@mseagles:  You didn’t expect any gift from them at all.  Now you feel bitter that the gift (which it appears you tried very hard to turn down) was diluted by your FI’s comment and your own offer to pay the tip.  This sounds like a case of “you take it”, “no you take it,” “please I insist,” “no you,” “ok,” “I CAN’T BELIEVE HE TOOK IT!”  Which we’ve all done, how often have I turned down something I wanted and then felt like an idiot 2 seconds later.  Lots of times.  Yes, I do want the last slice of pie, always, forever, as a rule.  Who doesn’t?

But I think the real take-home happy positive moment from the whole thing is how beautifully your FI acted in the situation.  It sounds like you made it clear that you were uncomfortable letting them pay, your FI sensed your discomfort and tried to minimize the gift.  Nice work hooking a considerate and thoughtful man.

Also I wouldn’t send a thank you card, it was just dinner and I assume nobody involved is royalty.  So I guess I’m going to ettiquite jail 🙂

Post # 16
Member
3402 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mseagles:  I understand we all have different points of view in life, and different budgets, but I don’t see why this is stressing you out. If it makes you bitter to send a thank-you note, then don’t. It wasn’t a formal gift, and you paid the tip, so it doesn’t necessarily require a thank-you note, unless you feel so inclined as to send one.

As to the next meal being on you, your husband offered, so I think you basically have to pay or you’ll look a bit rude. I know you think that cancels out the wedding gift meal from your friends, but at the end of the days it’s just money. Can’t take it with you when you go. Try to omit this from your line of thought and carry on as usual. The fact that it is worrying you so much is a bit concerning.

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