(Closed) Do i put her in my wedding party or not?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

So she was booted and now she’s back in? I say, don’t kick her out again, just make sure she actually can make it to this one.But I do think you need to have a talk with your friend since things are awkward. If she’s not in the Wedding Party, i’d probably just leave it like that for now. Sorry i got a little confused int he first part about whether she’s in or out

Why were your sisters harsh with her about not flying in town for an engagement party? I can’t say that I think that’s a big enough issue to be harsh with her about that. Even if she did have months to save for it, i don’t know that i’d fly across country for an engagemet party if i knew i had the wedding to pay for, too.

Post # 4
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Have you already asked her to be a bridesmaid?  If so, it’s sort of rude to just drop her.  You might want to give her an out if she wants to not be in the wedding because your relationship isn’t as good as it was but I don’t think you can just kick her out because she didn’t come to the engagement party.

Honestly, being an out of town bridesmaid is really hard to do with all the events and she might not be able to be there for everything like a bridesmaid that lives near you would.  It costs a lot to fly across the country and she is probably trying to save for the wedding itself along with presents, dress, shoes, etc.

Post # 5
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Alot can change from now until November…and it seems to me that you are going down the road to speaking to her LESS unless you sit down and talk to her. If you feel animosity toward her now I would not make anything official until you resolve it.

 When you say you “put it out there” does that mean you asked her to be your bridesmaid?  I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man for a friend in a different state and I wasn’t able to be involved as much with the planning, and I tried my hardest to show up for the shower and bachelorette party but that was about all I did.  I was very honored to be in her wedding party, but I was far away.  We did, however, talk every week.

Post # 6
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i think the best plan is to talk with her.

if you’ve already asked her, but you feel regret, you need to be honest and talk out your issues.

i know it’s a touchy area, but honestly, if she’s a real friend, she’ll be standing there through all this. i know i asked my BM’s for exactly that reason.

and don’t listen to other ppl’s opinions about the girl, do what YOU feel is right

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree w/ MissAsB that being an out of town bridesmaid is difficult. It’s also difficult to ask people to spend their hard earned money on parties and events for you. It would definitely be a little harsh to kick her out again, but if the friendship isn’t there, maybe you need to have a talk w/ her about the entire thing…and try not to let emotions run so high…

Post # 9
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Welcome to WB!

I didn’t mean to sound too harsh. After I re-read my post, it didn’t come across the way I wanted it to. You obviously want everyone with you for your special events, but it just can’t always work out that way. I was a little upset that not all of my BMs could make it to my bachelorette party, but with everyone’s schedules these days, there’s no way I could expect them to all be there for every event. Know what I mean?

Post # 10
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think its a bit rude of you to call her out just because she didnt attend your engagement party – its just an engagement party and i would hate to add up how much it would have cost her (flight, accomodation, meals, outfits etc) and its not even the wedding. i would have thought that being there and prepared for the wedding is the important part

and i really dislike it when people judge what other people do/spend with their money – you dont know all the facts on if she has been “spending like no other” or not – maybe a good friend was buying her drinks, maybe shes a cheap date or she had spare cash, its her money to spend as she wishes.

as far as friendships going south once you are engaged, it happens. it doesnt make either of you bad friends, it just means priorities change and people take different paths in their lives

goodluck!

Post # 12
Member
36 posts
Newbee

So…you’re missing “important events” for a friend’s wedding in which you’re a bridesmaid but you are wanting to throw out one of your bridesmaids for missing an engagement party?  What’s the difference?

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