Post # 1
So, yesterday, while I was at the hospital waiting for FI’s grandma to have her lumpectomy, I got a text message from my sister. Here is how the conversation went:
Sister: “I’m your Maid/Matron of Honor, right?”
Me: “Umm… Yeah, why?”
Sister: “K, I was just making sure. I want to wear a reallly short dress and I want the other girls to be in very long dresses. The Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to be different! Oh, and can B (her boyfriend) be the best man?”
WTF?!? Okay, first, what makes her think I’m going to let her dress as a skank for my wedding, to try and outshine me. I know she and my mother think she is just the hottest thing since jalepenos, but it is MY wedding day! I want all of the girls in similarly cut dresses. It isn’t a nightclub outing!
Second, my sister’s bf has only met Fiance about three or four times. Her bf and my brother make fun of Fiance relentlessly both behind his back and to his face. What in God’s name would lead them to the idea that her bf should be the best man? I guess she assumes I’m going to have the Groomsmen walking the BMs down the aisle. Idk.
She always finds a way to make everything about her!
Post # 3
Just respond candidly but nicely because it sounds like you will have to do that a lot in the planning. Nip it in the bud! If you answer wishy washy, she will expect to get her way.
“No Boyfriend or Best Friend Name will not be the best man, so and so will likely be, and I want all the girls to be in the same dress, thanks for the suggestions though”
Post # 4
Some people are like this, especially when they will get any tiny bit of spotlight. :/ I would definitely be like hell to the no about the dresses and Bridesmaid or Best Man comment. She must be crazy if she thinks she’s calling all the shots.
I will say, she probably will cause you a lot of stress on this. I don’t know if I’d keep her as Maid/Matron of Honor if it were me, but that is obviously totally up to you. It may cause just as much drama to not have her as Maid/Matron of Honor. Meh, some people.
Post # 4
@Pinksapphire: If it was my sister I would just laugh at her and ask her wtf she’s thinking! But… I think @lefeymw:‘s suggestion might be better. 🙂
Post # 5
@lefeymw: I like this. You definitely want to be upfront with her now. Let her know your vision for your wedding and maybe stress that it’s YOUR wedding and it will be how you want it.
Post # 6
I’m surprised you even chose her as your Maid/Matron of Honor if her Boyfriend or Best Friend makes fun of your Fiance constantly… that’s not very nice, and she should put a stop to that, and then expect him to be the best man?! Is she nuts. I would just say that the best man is the grooms decision and aren’t picking people based on pairs. Sheesh, her Boyfriend or Best Friend would be lucky to make the bridal party at all!
As for the dresses, say you want elegant dresses, and for them to be all the same. If she wants to look different, she can have a sash added to the dress, or a broach in her hair lol.
Post # 7
Wow. Tell her straight out that it’s your wedding and that she isn’t going to be wearing a short dress and that the Bridesmaid or Best Man is going to be someone that your Fiance is actually friend with.
Post # 8
Wow, I think your sister needs a reality check on whose wedding this is, but with that said I hope you were firm and told her that her Boyfriend or Best Friend definitely doesn’t deserve to be the Best Man and that the dresses are your choice, not hers.
Post # 9
I didn’t choose my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, unfortunately. My mother did. If I don’t allow her to be Maid/Matron of Honor, she and my mom will be pissed and it is definitely not worth the extra drama. I would love to have a Maid/Matron of Honor who fulfills Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities, rather than focusing on herself the entire time. At one point, she told me, “I hope you know you can’t depend on me for that sh*t!” In regards to a bridal shower, bustling my gown after the wedding, and doing the general Maid/Matron of Honor tasks. She has mentioned the little dress thing before, and I said they would probably all be one length, just different colors. But, she keeps bringing it up like I’m going to change my mind. I’m getting married in the summer on a beach, so all of my girls will be in shorter (but not slutty short) dresses.
I flat out told her no about her bf being FI’s best man, but she is probably going to expect her bf to have some sort of role in the wedding.
My sister has always been the “Belle of the Ball” in our house. My mom has pumped her ego from day one. Now, she thinks she is just the hottest girl alive and she is verry self-absorbed. I love my sister. I just wish she could think about someone else for just one minute of her life. She is going to jump in ALL of my wedding pictures to pose. I am so serious, because that is what she did at my graduation. She wore a tiny skirt and was in EVERY picture that was taken of me.
Post # 10
As PP said, speak up now or forever hold your peace.
Post # 11
Tell her the truth now and be super firm – the groomsmen will be FI’s friends and family, and you want the girls in the same dress. If you start hesitating or seeming like you might cave, it’s going to start a really bad pattern that will be super hard to deal with.
Post # 12
If I were you, I would start putting my foot down, and get used to saying the word “No.” Things will only get worse if you don’t. I know you don’t want to create more drama, but if she is not going to fulfill her Maid/Matron of Honor duties then what the heck is the point? You can’t let your sister and your mom control your wedding. You are the bride and you call the shots.
Post # 13
Tell her like it is. It is your wedding. So you get to pick the dresses and thats tough shit for her. As for the rest just explain that the wedding party you want to consist of family and close friends. Just say Fiance has a lot more people he has known longer and want them to stand up with him. You cant wait tho you need to talk to her NOW. Let her know how its going to go.
Post # 14
tell her no and you will do what you want. Thats what I would do.