(Closed) Do I really HAVE to invite FMIL boyfriend?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

That’s tough one. I know if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t want to invite a man like him either. However, I would greatly have to consider my FI’s wishes. If he really truly feels that he has to invite this person I would feel the obligation to do so. I mean 5 years is a long time. 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hmm. How big is your wedding? Could you have a dry wedding to avoid extra drama? Or if it’s bigger could you seat them on opposite sides of the venue? I agree that he did NOT go to jail for mowing the lawn while drinking. NO way!!

Post # 6
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

I would definately talk to the bartenders.  If he is still an alcoholic, he may sneak in his own alcohol (this is what one guest did at my sister’s wedding), so talk to your coordinator and let them know to be on the lookout, too.

Post # 8
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

you have to invite him in my opinion. why does him being in jail matter a boyfriend of 5 years is a boyfriend of 5 years.

Post # 9
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

yeah you have to invite him. i think the vast majority of people have that a-hole they have no choice but to invite (i have several). just tell the bartender and a coordinator (if you have one) that he is to be watched very carefully so no drama goes on. let the people you are paying money to deal with him so you don’t have to.

sorry about your Future In-Laws by the way. that’s a crappy situation.

Post # 11
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

@coffeekitty.. him being in jail matters because it says quite a bit about the type of person he is.  You don’t go to jail for 5 years for being drunk in public, so he clearly did something that the Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t want her son and FDIL to know about.  Whatever it is, it isn’t good.  I wouldn’t want an ex-con at my wedding either.

@Engaged.. you are absolutely right to be concerned.  I would invite him to please my fiance.  BUT.. I would make it clear to my fiance, my Future Mother-In-Law, and the Boyfriend or Best Friend that if he does one tiny thing that is inappropriate or out of line he will be asked to leave immediately.

 

Post # 12
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You have to invite him. Not inviting him will make you the bad guy in the eyes of both Fiance and your family. Give him a chance. Whatever he did to go to jail for that long, he could be rehabilitated by now. Like others have said, just make sure the bartenders are concious that he could potentially be a problem and leave it at that.

If he messes up, you will be able to overrule your Future Mother-In-Law in the future when she wants to invite him to events.

Post # 13
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I understand your concern – I’d be concerned too – but that doesn’t mean that you can not invite him.  He’s been dating your Future Mother-In-Law for 5 years!  That’s apparently as long as you and your Fiance have been dating too.  You really can’t get away with not inviting someone’s significant other of 5 years – even if you dont know the SO.  Especially when that person is your Future Mother-In-Law.

Change the situation a little bit.  Say you have a grown cousin (out of college, living on own, etc) who you are inviting.  If they were dating someone who they’d been seeing for 5 years, you’d give them a guest, wouldn’t you?  Even if this SO hadn’t been able to attend other family events for one reason or another so you’d never personally met them?

Just because you don’t necessarily approve of your FMIL’s choice in men, you still have to invite him.

Post # 14
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

Honestly you are 11 months away.  SO much could change that while this would cross my mind, I wouldn’t be giving it much more thought.  He was recently let out so there is the chance that while they made it through LDR, they don’t mesh well outside of that scenario. 

 

Post # 15
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think that you should wait and see how things go.  You might find out he is totally rehabilitated and will be totally fine.  Or, you could find out he is an alcoholic and gets very violent.  In that case, he’ll probably be back in jail by the time your wedding rolls around anyway.

As things stand now, I think you have to invite him.  All you have is speculation.  And, even if he is drunk and annoying, poor, or doesn’t dress appropriately he is still your FMIL’s long-term partner and I think that is important.

I know how you feel though.  A very close relative of mine has been dating a guy on and off for 7 or 8 years and I am scared that he will act up.  He’s been known to do this and has been arrested at parties before.

Post # 16
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m a little surprised by how many people say you have to invite him because they have been together for five years.  If one of the people in the relationship has been in jail the whole time… that’s not really much of a relationship.  Not one I would have the same regard for as a couple who have actually shared their lives for 5 years.  I do think you have to invite him.. but only because your Fiance says so and it’s his wedding too.  If you fiance changes his tune, I would have no problem with you not inviting the Boyfriend or Best Friend.

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