(Closed) Do I really need to invite him…?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

I would just tell your friend that your parents have only paid expenses for X amount of people and that it won’t cover her bf, however he is invitied but would have to cover his own expenses (like most people do for DW). He most likely won’t come but you’ve invited him

Post # 17
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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smartsimple:  That would be so obvious if the other SOs were magically covered and it was just hers that was singled out and not covered. 

Post # 18
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I was going to say it doesn’t sound like you care about your friend, and then you literally followed up your post with, “Ah yes, the caring for my friend part …” Lol.

You clearly don’t actually want her there, so just don’t invite her. You already know you need to invite her partner if you’re inviting her.

Post # 19
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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smartsimple:  That’s horrible. Everyone is paid for except for him?

Seriously, if you can’t bring yourself to extend him an invitation, just don’t invite your friend at all! That would be way less rude than these alternatives.

Post # 20
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

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enjoy:  
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amb1030:  She doesn’t have to tell her friend about who exactly is covered or not, also she’s only met the guy once, it’s a bit extreme for him or her to think he would be fully covered. It’s not her responsibility to cover his stay only to invite him.

Post # 21
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Doesn’t sound like you guys are good friends anymore.  Don’t invite her.  Don’t need the stress, don’t need the drama.  If you’re fine potentially losing the friendship over it, that is.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by alischon.
Post # 22
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee

Invite her BF or don’t invite any of your friend group. I think those are your only options if you want to maintain a friendship with her. 

Post # 23
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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smartsimple:  It would be painfully obvious. Normally I would agree that she shouldn’t have to pay for it but if she’s paying for literally everyone else, that’s just rude to single him out like that. There’s no way that could be an amicable solution.

Post # 24
Member
7660 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You say you have to invite her because you don’t want to make it awkward within your group of friends. Do you really think it will be any less awkward if you leave out her SO?

Just skip inviting her if you aren’t close friends.

Post # 25
Member
2260 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I know I’m going to be in the complete minority here, but either way you look at this situation theres a negative: 

– invite both of them = you have to deal with his expected complaining and negativity 

– invite just her = its deemed ‘rude’ and it’ll upset her, and either she comes or she doesn’t

– invite neither of them = you’ve snubbed them both, she’s left out and you’ve most probably rocked the boat in a way to affect your small group

In all honestly I would invite just her. She is your friend, but you’re longer very close and it seems like your relationship is reaching its exipry, so why bother to make that extra effort and ruin your wedding (potentially but most likely) for someone who is on their way out. Also as much as you are a people pleaser what he said was incredibly rude on his part, and if she asks, you can say that you don’t really think he likes *you* very much since he made that comment at your birthday and it made you feel uncomfortable. (that way it does shift the reasoning away from just you not liking him but the fact that there was a situation that lead to you feeling that way). 

Post # 26
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would not of had a great reaction, either, to attending a birthday dinner the Birthday Girl -invited- me to and finding out I had to pay for my own dinner!  So maybe cut him some slack on that.

You clarify now saying your friend isn’t such a great friend.  I recommend not inviting him or her since you do not seem invested in your friendships anyway.

Post # 27
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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leosunshine:  Sorry. You need to invite him. Maybe he won’t even come. If she’s important to you, regardless of her SO, then you’ll invite him too. I’m in a similar situation and I knew no matter what, I had to invite my friend with his SO. He’s probably not coming to mine though because of his opinion of Destination Wedding and vacation in general.

Post # 28
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Invite both or invite neither. If you don’t want to invite her because she’s been a shitty friend you obviously don’t have to.

Post # 30
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Everyone’s financial situation varies. If finances are tight, there’s no harm in googling a venue/restaurant prior to committing to attend a function (such as your birthday dinner). If he didn’t have the foresight to do that, and his Girlfriend, your pal didn’t tell him ahead of time that your birthday dinner is going to be at an upscale place and that everyone would be paying their own way; it is still no reason for him to make rude comments :|. That’s just bad manners and inappropriate behavior. Not very becoming of an adult.

Do not sink to his level and show your dislike of him by excluding him when you’ve invited SO’s of all the other friends. That’ll single her out and make you the bad guy. As other PP’s have said, he may not even attend (or might ’cause he’s getting a “free ride”). If he makes any comments at your destination wedding, then he’ll draw attention to himself and others will say precisely that; if he’s so unhappy then he shouldn’t have attended.

Be the bigger person Bee! Also, enjoy your wedding! It sounds like it’ll be awesome!

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