Post # 1
I have a group of about 6 friends that I used to spend a lot of time with a year ago. Over the summer, we all sort of spread out to do different things. Once school started again in the fall, I never really heard from any of them again. I never heard back when I texted them etc. I started sending out Save-The-Date Cards in November and I was really on the fence about them. We had been pretty good friends but just lost touch. In January, I thought I’d go ahead and do it, hoping that maybe that would jumpstart things and we’d start talking again. I never heard back from a single one of them about receiving it in the mail and they haven’t really responded to my texts or calls. I regret sending them anything. The thing is, the Save-The-Date Cards say “invitation to follow”. I know the proper etiquette is to send them an invite since they got a STD but my question is: do I really have to at this point?
Post # 3
You sent the save-the-dates, you kinda have to invite them. If they really are that unresponsive, maybe they won’t come.
Post # 4
I think with this one you might be safe to not invite them, especially since they havn’t even responded to a text.
Post # 5
Yep. Invite to follow. You have to. But in addition, a phone call to get back in contact and get a feel for their intentions would be a good idea.
Post # 6
I figured I would probably have to 🙁 I think I’m a little bitter about the fact that they haven’t bothered to say anything to me since I got engaged and are the type that wouldn’t turn down a free party
Post # 7
Honestly? I probably wouldn’t. If they don’t care enough to call or text you, why would you want them at your wedding? I’m sure that is terrible etiquette…but really, I wouldn’t bother.
Post # 8
@AmeliaBedelia: agreed, they have no etiquette anyway – they probably wont notice.
Post # 9
You’ve gotta send the invite. Did you receive a text or call from every single other person you sent an STD to? If not, are they not getting an invite then? You say they haven’t really answered your calls or texts which means they have answered some?
Post # 10
If they have not responded to your texts and calls, then you can forgo the invitation. Just do not expect to hang out with them again if you forgo the invites.
Post # 11
@stacycats: Yep, I agree.
@ninefivethree: Proper etiquette says you must send the invites. The consequence of not following proper etiquette is that you will possibly offend someone. If you’re resigned to the fact that these friendships are falling away, and you’re okay if they do, then absolutely, do not send the invites. If you’re just feeling resentful right now but you would like to hold out hope that the friendships will last in the long run, then go ahead and send them. It really is your call.
Post # 12
Meh, I say who cares about etiquette in this case. If you don’t see them anymore, and they don’t take the time to even respond to a single TEXT (okay, I get people are really busy, so I can understand being bad about returning phone calls, but really? You don’t have time to respond to just one text? I think that’s ridiculous and just rude), then they don’t deserve an invitation.
Yeah you may offend them, but so what? If they can’t even bother to congratulate you or respond to a single text or phone call at some point, then they’re not worth the invitation, in my opinion. Especially if they’re the type who would just show up because “they wouldn’t turn down a free party,” I feel like you’d probably end up with negative emotions towards them on your wedding day when you see them. And they probably wouldn’t bother to even bring a card. If you’re okay with these friendships being over, I say don’t send the invites.
I’m doing away with etiquette when it comes to my and FI’s current roommate. Essentially, he led my close friend on for months, lied to her multiple times about his feelings towards this other girl, and ultimately chose the other girl & flaunted her in front of my friend when he brought her over when we were having people over 1 night. I hate the way he was a complete a-hole to her with the things he said that night when she confronted him. My Fiance gave him a Save the Date, without my knowledge. I’m still giving him an invite, but I’m doing away with the etiquette of being consistent with inviting +1s. There is NO way this girl will be at my wedding, nor do I want my current roommate there, either. Thus, I’m giving him an invite, not giving him a +1 even though everyone else in a relationship is getting a +1, hoping that he won’t make the 6 hour trip to St Louis by himself since he won’t know anyone else there. Rude? Maybe. Do I care if we stay in contact at this point? No.
Ultimately, it depends on your desire to remain friends or not!