(Closed) Do I send a STD to the "plus one?"

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who to send STDs to?
    John only : (39 votes)
    93 %
    Both John and Jane : (3 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 4
    2571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @kb7:  Send it to John. That’s the friend that you are “closest” with. If they are dating, I am assuming he will bring Jane to the wedding so I’m sure he’ll let her know to STD. Another thing to think about – would you invite Jane on her own regardless of John? In that case, both should get their own Save-The-Date Cards.

    Post # 5
    5371 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    I would only send an STD to someone I was planning on sending an official invitation to since usually Save-The-Date Cards say “formal invitation to follow” or something like that (: If you’re planning on addressing John’s invitation with “and guest” instead of sending them separate invitations, I think you only need to send John an STD.

    Post # 6
    1129 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @kb7:  Would you invite Jane to the wedding if they broke up?

    I know you’ve said your lovalties would lie with John, but if, for example two of my friends broke up and I hang up with one more than the other… it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t invite the other friend.

    So I say:

    If you’d invite her after break up: Send both STD’s

    If not: Just send STD to John


    Post # 7
    604 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    For my friends in relationships where they dont’ live together, I addressed the STD and invite to John Smith and Jane Doe.  Not sure if that was proper etiquette but no one had a problem with it.


    Post # 8
    16191 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I’d send it to John with the assumption that he’ll let her know, seeing as she’ll be his +1. Although I agree that if she’d be invited regardless of whether they were together, you could send her one, too.

    Post # 9
    9181 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I disagree with most – I’d send it to both.  It sounds like you’re friends with both of them, right?  I think Save-The-Date Cards should be sent to both unless the “plus one” is truly just a plus one… like, hey invite that girlfriend I’ve only met once, or hey bring a date if you want.  If you know and hang out with both of them, it seems rude to only send him an STD.

    On the extreme off chance they break up, I’m sure she probably won’t want to go, as her ex clearly was the “in” to the wedding.

    Post # 10
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Great question – we’re planning on sending out our save the dates before Thanksgiving, so it has been on my mind too.

    I was thinking of doing the “John X and Jane Y” and sending to the guy (he’s our close friend), but I’m still undecided.

    Post # 13
    51 posts
    Worker bee

    I would probably only send it to John’s house but address it to the both of them. 

    I might feel a little hurt if my SO was on the card and I was considered a plus one. I feel as though a plus one is like saying “I don’t want to put the plus one’s name because you might not work out”.  But I’m not all up on the etiquette, so maybe I’m wrong. 


    Post # 15
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I’m not really concerned about the etiquette thing per se (if I were the +1 I’d be flattered to see my name on the envelope and know that the couple remembered it!), but in our case the guy lives with his parents, so that kind of compicates things… If he were living alone it would be a no-brainer, but putting her name on the envelope and sending to his parents’ house feels a little odd. 🙁

    Post # 16
    5001 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I had someone like this and I just put her name on the STD but both on the invitation. Much less chance they will break up in the 6-8 weeks between invitation and wedding than in the 6-8 months between STD and wedding.

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