(Closed) Do I send a thank-you card? She organized my bach but then was awful to my MOH!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do I send her a thank-you card?
    yes - and try to be sincere / fake it : (19 votes)
    35 %
    yes - but bare minimum : (24 votes)
    44 %
    no - she doesn't deserve it : (11 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 3
    3303 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would bring it up now and tell her that while you are happy she took over planning the party, you have these concerns. Then bring them up- hopefully she will be receptive and not defensive. I would also take her out to eat (as her thank you) and talk in person.

    Post # 4
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I totally agree with PP. Take her out to dinner and then explain to her why that wasn’t quite okay. 

    Post # 5
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @araneidae:  I wouldn’t send a thank you or take her out to dinner. She owes you an apology. And your Maid/Matron of Honor. Invite her to the wedding fine, but that’s it.

    Post # 7
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I guess I have a different opinion. This might sound harsh, but it’s said with the best of intentions, and in an effort to objectively help you.

    I believe there wouldn’t have been any skanky pictures if your Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t pose for them. If she didn’t want compromising pictures of her to be seen, she never should have taken them.

    thats just as bad as a woman making a man promise to keep a sex tape secret. She wants to be all sexy, skanky and inappropriate as long as no one has proof of it? I mean, if she knew there was a possibility of people seeing the pics, she never should have posed in them. Period. 

    I think some of the stuff you’re mad at her about regarding the party are not justified either. Like the agenda for the 6 of you and the fact that she wanted to spend more time at that one bar. There were 5 other people who could have over powered that suggestion and gotten to the reservations on time.

    You admit that you knew what kind of person she was before you gave her responsibility for the party, so I don’t think it’s fair to then grade her on the way she executed it. That’s not fair. 

    She’s wrong to keep the pictures up, but your friend should have known how FB works, especially if her privacy is so important to her. 

    I would take the cousin out and thank her. Your MOH’s problem with your cousin are NOT your problems and that’s not your fight to get mad at her for your Maid/Matron of Honor. That’s not even fair. So take the cousin out, thank her, and then try to find a way to mediate and get the cousin to take the pictures down.

    You SURE AS HELL will not get the cousin to cooperate by being a bitch to her. So be nice to her and hopefully get her to see reason about the pictures. But there’s no need to make your MOH’s fight now your fight. That’s immature in my opinion.


    Post # 8
    50 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’m leaning towards call her or send an email and say that while youy are very appreciative of her organising the bach, you were disappointed that she would not remove the pics. I wouldn’t give her any gifts, cards or take her out to dinner; to me that would be reqarding her bad behavior that is still continuing because the pics are still up on facebook. 

    Post # 9
    1832 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Ok, although she did some things she sholdn’t have, keep in mind that you knew how she was, and knowing that, you choose to let her coordinate the nights events. I think she meant well, and tried to go all out. I’m not saying it was ok for her to want to flirt with a random guy and not leave a “starter” bar, everyone should have said as a group; NO, its time to room on to the main attraction, this is the “brides” night, we are leaving with or without you. I would send her a thank you card, planning a party is alot of work. Take her to lunch and tell her why your upset, but you and your other girls posed for these pics, they are bound to be leaked.

    Post # 10
    2497 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Just send her a short thank you note and move on. I don’t see any benefit to confronting someone who is clearly out of control and unaware of social norms, and as a bride, you don’t need the added stress.  By sending a card, you get to be the bigger person even if you don’t really mean it.

    Post # 14
    149 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    from the sounds of it she seems very imbalanced and I dont think discussing things w her will help. Plus also , I think it was probably your mistake for letting her plan it knowing th train wreck she sounds like so you can’t be mad at all the crap she did.. it sounds like it should be expected. People like that only hear what they want to hear and might go crazy to try and “retaliate” my advice: you have a wedding to plan .. obvi your not close w her so send a brief thank you note and then from now on keep your distance!! seems like only trouble / drama /grief will follow her.. you don’t want to get sucked in.



    Post # 15
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Yes, it’s the Maid/Matron of Honor fault for posing for those pictures. Just like it would be my fault if I walked down a dark alley and got mugged, right? Cause I did something dumb, it was a stupid idea. It was in an area that I trusted near home, but I should have known that was a possibility. I deserve to suffer for it and that excuses the other person’s actions. 

    Or not. 

    This distant cousin was way out of line. She made a promise and then broke it and could have serious injured your friend’s career. And then with that Facebook status saying people should kill themselves? Never okay!

    I wouldn’t send her jack shit. 

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