(Closed) Do I send a thank you? What would you do?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Can you call him? That way if he lied he can’t avoid you like an email. I wouldn’t send a thank you card until you get it worked out. Sounds like an akward situation, good luck 🙂

Post # 5
484 posts
Helper bee

Haha sorry but that’s actually pretty funny!

Since you reached out to him and he didn’t respond there’s no need to send a thank you card. You can still giggle about it anytime you see him though!

Post # 6
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d still send a somewhat generic thank you card.

That would be really wierd if he didn’t give a gift and only a card SAYING he gave a gift (strange ) but to be a good friend, I’d send him one saying something like:

"Thank you so much for sharing in our celebration.  We were so glad to have you.  The gift was much appreciated."

Post # 7
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

If he’s that close of a friend, say something about it – call him. It sounds like you’ve made an assumption that since he didn’t respond to a single email, he must be lying about getting you a gift. I always get back to people via email asap, but sometimes my email does funny things and sends friends’ emails to my spam folder, or I don’t get the email at all. Sometimes people get a lot of email and miss a message or they think they’ve responded to an email when they haven’t. No need to even mention the email if he hasn’t responded. Call him up say that you’re sorry, but it looks like his card either got separated from his gift or his gift got lost somehow. Ask him what it was – if he wasn’t lying this question should be no big deal. If he was lying, then he’ll look silly, not you.

Post # 8
278 posts
Helper bee

That is actually pretty funny.

If I were you, I’d probably just omit sending him a thank you card. Confrontation might make the situation more awkward in the future. You’ve already emailed him, so he must’ve read it. 🙂

Post # 9
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Can you do process of elimination? Are there a few gifts that you are still trying to match with givers? Because if there are, his is probably in the unknown pile. Maybe I’m missing something here…just because he didn’t respond to email and he usually responds doesn’t necessarily mean he lied about giving you a gift. Give him a call, or if that seems too pushy, send him another email. If you get nothing after that, then you know something is weird and (strangely) he lied about the gift. It just seems so far-fetched to me to refer to a gift when you didn’t give one!



Post # 10
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

You should definitely give him a call before assuming the worst. While e-mail is usually very reliable these days, there is that occaision once or twice a year where an important e-mail has ended up lost or in my spam box. Cover your bases and talk to him live.

Post # 11
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

It’s also possible that he had something sent to your house, rather than bringing something to the wedding, and it was back-ordered or something.  Some of our registry gifts from Macy’s were back-ordered by several months, so they are still trickling in (three months after the wedding).  Most of those givers let us know what they had purchased, and that it should be showing up eventually…  I would definately pursue this with your friend, if only because if he paid for a gift that was misrouted in the mail or was never sent, he needs to know. 

You should definately send a thank you note – even guests to just bring a card, or show up with nothing, should be thanked for their good wishes and for making the effort to share your special day.  Since he mentioned a gift in his card, in the thank you note I would tell him how much you enjoyed seeing him at the wedding, and how thankful you are that he could share in the celebration.  And then mention that of course you appreciate his thoughfulness in getting you a gift – although it either hasn’t been delivered or was misplaced, so sadly you don’t have it and aren’t quite sure what it was…  it could be a very amusing little note to write.

Post # 13
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you’re good enough friends, call. If it becomes uncomfortable, that’s really his problem. If it’s a mixup, you can all laugh it off. I thing being “concerned” that the card got separated from the gift is a perfectly resonable thing to express to the gift giver, and if it turns out he’s lying, the wedding’s over, you don’t have to talk to him anymore!

Post # 14
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Call.  I skip over my facebook messages all the time.  I think I will get back to them, and then get busy and forget.  The ONLY way to know for sure is to call.  We all know what happens when you ASSuME

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