- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
I have known my friend ever since elementary school (from here on out, I will call her “Jane”). Jane is one who had some difficulties with social interactions. She would consistently ask if we were still friends (sometimes, I just wanted to say “NO” if she would keep asking). She would get upset if I wouldn’t answer the phone or call. We have some mutual friends, and she was like this with them, too. She would bring myself (and other friends) little presents for no reasons. When we would hang out, her mom would go all out and spare very little expense when we would do things (their family wasn’t rich, by any means, but they definitely weren’t poor). Her mom was also a part of the problem. She was someone you didn’t want to anger. She was not abusive, but she was definitely very protective of her daughter.
Anyways, Jane and I had sort of drifted apart during college, but she still stayed friends with our mutual friend, “Nancy”. Nancy is one of the most kindest yet passive people you will ever meet. Anyways, after college, I would see Jane mainly when I would hang out with Nancy. A few years ago, Nancy got engaged. Jane and I were asked to be bridesmaids, so we spent a little more time together. Sometimes, Jane would be really fun to hang out with. However, she also pulled some stunts that made things difficult. She was the only one who didn’t like the bridesmaid dress, she would give her opinion whenever (such as telling the bride she spent too much on a dress, that she should just get one from Goodwill). It really got to Nancy. She told me that she wished that she didn’t ask Jane to be in the wedding. The wedding was out of town, and Jane definitely played the “Debbie Downer” card a bit.
I haven’t talked to Jane since this wedding two years ago. Anyways, I got engaged a year ago, and Jane just recently found out. She sent me a congratulations card in the mail (she found out via her sister’s Facebook). It gave her contact information and said she would have a drink to celebrate.
I have been hesitating contacting Jane. First of all, she will not be in our wedding party. Jane complained about the cost of Nancy’s bridal party (which was very reasonable, especially for an out-of-town wedding–approximately $400, which includes dress, shoes, bridal shower, travel expenses, and bachelorette party), and I know mine would end up costing a little more. Plus, we just really aren’t that close any more. Second of all, I am not entirely sure I want to invite her. On one hand, I do want to get in contact with her and give her another chance. Plus, she is an old friend, and it’s hard to get rid of that. Plus, she did try to reach out, and I don’t want to be rude by just ignoring her. On the other hand…I don’t want to put up with whining about not calling enough, or giving her opinion on how much things cost. I also am not sure how she would take not being a part of the bridal party.
Any advice on how to handle this? Should I give her another chance, or just cut my losses and move on? I can give more concrete examples of Jane’s behavior, it’s just that this post is really long as it is.