Do I stay or Do I go?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

Go and don’t look back.

Post # 3
Member
922 posts
Busy bee

Run. Change all your passwords, lock down your finances. From what you’ve described, there’s nothing to salvage in this relationship. 

Post # 4
Member
991 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I read the whole post and could not come up with ONE reason to stay though I came up with a million to leave. Pack your stuff and gtfo, now.

 

Post # 5
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Change your passwords, locks, etc. He’s not making an effort to change and won’t ever try to. 

I suggest you run and don’t look back. You deserve much better.

Post # 6
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

You go, take everything that’s yours that you can before this two weeks ‘break’ is up and file for divorce. This is no way to live and you deserve SO MUCH BETTER! 

Post # 7
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

Agreed, you deserve better than this toxic relationship. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but just be thankful kids aren’t involved. Leave before they are. 

Post # 8
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

What possible reason do you have to stay??? 

Post # 9
Member
6441 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Okay, in all honesty, the first thing that started in my head was the song, and the lyrics, “This indecision’s killing me…”

However, reading the OP, there should be no indecision. This man is a hot mess. I cannot see a single reason why you would stay. Please, get yourself free of this awful situation ASAP.

Post # 10
Member
4041 posts
Honey bee

I can’t believe you’re asking the stay or go question.

Marrying this guy was obviously a colossal fuck-up. Don’t even think of trying to save the marriage, it’s been broken for a long time, and you cant reason with an active alcoholic. Just get out.

Post # 11
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

He is not your responsibility. You’re not selfish for taking care of yourself.

I wonder if there might be some codependency at play here, not necessarily because you’re with someone who’s dependent on alcohol, but because you’ve stayed so long in a relationship that appears to have you doing all the work, emotional and otherwise, and that appears to require you to accommodate him at every turn. It sounds similar to a relationship I was in for a very long time, and when I started learning about codependency, so much started making sense to me. I’m not saying you’re codependent; I don’t presume to think I know that from what you’ve said. I want to put it out there, though, in case it resonates with you.

Post # 12
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

No, these are not problems to be expected with marriage. 

He has shown you time and again that he has no interest in changing. Taking him back will allow him to have his cake (marriage) and eat it (drinking, cheating, squandering money).

Please remember that just because someone is your first love, does not mean they are your only love. Move on and start living a life free of BS.

Post # 13
Member
1610 posts
Bumble bee

silver714 :  All I thought when reading this was… wow! Even more so when I saw that you guys have only been together 3 years, that’s a lot of shite to happen in that amount of time. 

The best advice I think anybody could give you is leave right now. And no, these are not regular marriage problems. Where is the positive in this relationship with him? He lies, drinks, cheats and sounds manipulative as hell. He wants it all his way and he is gaslighting you into thinking things are how they are because of you, when it so isn’t. I am also wondering where is all his salary going, why the hell isnt he contributing!? And all the things with his exes. He is as dodgy as hell! 

Run, run away from this as far as you can. Think staying with him would only cause you misery. 

Post # 14
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

GO!  No question.

Post # 15
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

The red flags are so plentiful that I’m 90% convinced this is a troll post.  If this is real, LEAVE HIM.

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