Do I stay or do I go? Struggling engagement!

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

1) What changed ?
2) You shouldn’t be settling
3) Do you just want to stay with him for your daughter?

Post # 3
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

6 months ago you were on a break and going on a date with someone else, 3 weeks after proposing he’s telling you he’s not in love with you but will marry you anyway. Sorry bee, this relationship seems deeply troubled. I understand the desire to make it work for your daughter, but you both really need to get to the root of your issues and figure out if this is really what you want.

Post # 4
Member
8940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
ruth7 :  “He told me he’s not in love with me” — Do you want to marry someone who is not in love with you? I wouldn’t.

Post # 5
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I love you but I’m not in love with you, is basically, IMO, the end.  It’s just a nicer way to break it to you.  He loves you because he cares about you, but he’s not in love with you because he doesn’t see you as a life partner anymore.  My Ex husband said this to me before he left.  

Could it work out? Maybe…. But not if you beg and plead and try to convince him he’s wrong. I’d peacefully say to him you understand and you’re stepping back.  Shore up yourself and protect you and your daughter.  He probably likes the chase a bit too much which is why he blows hot and cold.  These men rarely make for a stable relationship. 

Post # 6
Member
11349 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
ruth7 :  

Bail.  Now, while you can still maintain your dignity.

You were on a ‘break’ just six months ago? What was the reason?

Dredging up a six month old non event as an excuse to get out of an engagement is absurd.  The fact that it’s still on his mind may be symptomatic of traits you definitely don’t want. 

You may never know his real reasons. Perhaps the novelty wore off, or he satisfied his prey drive by capturing you. Maybe he’s into someone else.  Who knows?

Let go.  There is nothing here worth clinging to.

Post # 7
Member
1836 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Wow bee, he just told you he’s settling for you.  Not that he’s excited to spend his life with you or that he loves you you.  Nope, you’re just the best option he has right now…. Until you aren’t.  Why would you consider marrying someone who said all these things? Why do you delude yourself with the hope that he will magically wake up one day and declare his undying love for you?  You already know its over.  You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.  You just want us to cosign your hopeless fantasy.  We won’t bee beacuse that’s not helpful to you at all.  We want you to find the guy  who is excited to be with you.  Not some dude who barely likes you.  Do the hard thing and leave bee.  Its for the best for both of you.  Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
1836 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
ruth7 :   Usually in these situations we end up smacking ourselves for wasting so much time, energy and emotion on someone who gave up on us a long time ago.  TWO people have to want it and that’s not the case with your relationship.  Trust me bee I’ve been there.  There’s nothing to prove here. Making a hard decision based on what you feel to be right is the most mature, smart thing to do.  Hanging on to a dead relationship gains you nothing but resentment and unhappiness. 

Post # 12
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019

If a man told me he was settling for me it would be some of the last words he ever said to me.

Post # 13
Member
2737 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

If my fiance/husband/SO whatever told me they weren’t in love with me that’s all it would take for me to leave.

Please move on with your life and find someone who actually loves and cares for you.

Post # 14
Hostess
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

You both should have thought about it before having a child together 

Post # 15
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: City, State

DrAtkins :  Is this a joke? How on earth is this comment helpful? You have no idea what the circumstances are surrounding OP and her fiance having a child together and trying to shame her for having a child (whether the pregnancy was intentional or not, regardless of what, if any, birth control was used) is pretty gross. Yes, having a child together makes the situation more complicated, but not impossible to navigate. 

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