Do I stay or do I go? Struggling engagement!

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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ruth7 :  This isn’t the first time he has treated you this way so you already have proof that he isn’t worth it. I think you’re stuck in the mindset of working it out because of your daughter. I see it happen all the time and mentally it’s hard for people to get out of that mindset once there’s  a child involved. You deserve better than this. You too are settling because you know full well he isn’t going to change and he already told you and better yet showed you through his actions. Let him go bee. You deserve someone better.

Post # 17
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee

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ruth7 :   I think your only options are couples therapy or leave him. What you can’t do is not get any help and just keep doing the same thing. I don’t care if he’s willing to settle but you shouldn’t. You deserve to be with someone who is in love with you.  Hugs 

Post # 21
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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ruth7 :  It won’t be easy but it will be worth it to leave him and find someone who values you and is ready to give you what you need. There’s really men out there who would step up and love your daughter and you in ways your own Fiance won’t. I sadly have MANY friends that I can count on more than two hands who are with men taking care of someone else’s child with no problem. It’s possible and you deserve to give someone else that chance instead of giving this guy a third chance. And also give YOURSELF a chance. 

Post # 23
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

You said you know your worth Bee. So, it’s time to walk. 

Show your child that you are a strong and confident mama bear who doesn’t need a man to hold her back in life. 

Good luck in whatever you decide, Bee. 

Post # 24
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee

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ruth7 :  sad to hear that bee. I think you know it’s time to go. So many of us thought one guy was the one only to pick ourselves up and find an amazing guy afterwards. That is waiting for you, that real love. He isn’t looking out for you, so you have to look out for you. Rip it off like a bandaid. We are all here rooting for you ❤️

Post # 25
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

You’ll be surprised once you’ve done it how much better you will feel. To liken @ladyjane123 it is ike ripping off a bandaid. You need to look out for yourself and your child – as I am sure you are aware as a mother, children will pick up on disheartened, unsettled relationships and this can cause them problems in the future. It’s not going to be a nice environment for yourself or your child. He clearly doesn’t want to even try to fix it, which for me shows when times get tough he won’t be there for you and probably not your daughter either.  You deserve to be with someone who will love and adore you for you 24:7, not just go through fits and starts of being in the mood to do so. 

Post # 26
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Sounds to me like he is only in this relationship because he feels obligated to be. That is not a good foundation for a relationship, let alone a marriage. 

Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to be married or in a relationship with the other parent of your child in order to successfully co-parent and raise a healthy, happy child. In fact, if your relationship isn’t making the two of you happy, your kid will pick up on that and they’ll grow up believing that going through the motions is normal, instead of believing that they deserve to find a partner who makes them happy. 

Do yourselves and your kid a favour – break up, do it amicably, and commit to being respectful and supportive co-parents who are free to pursue relationships that will be more fulfilling to you in the end.

Post # 27
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York

If you’re asking this question, it means you shouldn’t get married (at least at this point in time). Marriage is already so difficult, you should be sure this is what you really want and need to be confident in your decision before you sign the contract and legally bind yourself to your spouse. 

Post # 28
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

If he already admitted that he’s not in love with you then you have your answer. You deserve to be with someone who is crazy about you. Don’t waste your time here, this relationship is over. 

Post # 29
Member
772 posts
Busy bee

 

Bee, thank God nothing happened like a big, expensive wedding!

Just take another break from him. I understand that because of your daughter you wouldn’t want to cut ties with him or make bad blood. So best thing in my opinion is to tell him you want to take another ‘break’. This doesn’t come off as too permanent. 

Then keep that break going as long as you need to feel like you can trust him or maybe until you feel like you can simply move on or move away from him, daughter and all.

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