Post # 1
I will make a long story very short. FI’s Aunt is VERY pushy. All three of her children are in our wedding. One as a JBM, one as a JGM, one as a flower girl.
Flower girl M who is 8 was in another cousin’s wedding in January. While shopping for this dress various comments were made to me that she was “buying m’s dress big so that she could wear it again”. She then proceeded to pay $140 for a full length flower girl dress, which I found ridiculous to begin with, and don’t even think is that cute. I never agreed to this in anyway, simply told her I would consider it when the time came to make that decision.
Flash forward to now. We have another flower girl, my cousin, J, who will be 2 at the time of our July wedding. I want them to match if possible, and want them to be in short, summery fun dresses (not like the long one M already has).
Tonight, the aunt said to me in an email “I had M’s dress cleaned, so it’s all ready to go!”. Apparently she has it in her mind that I already said yes to this dress, which again, I did not.
YES, i realize she is “paying” for 3 children to be in a wedding, but hey, she went into this wedding knowing that she’d need to spend money and frankly, I feel like I’m being guilted into something I truly don’t want.
So- do I call her out and tell her too bad, I want a dress that goes with my wedding, or do I suck it up and live with it and let it slide. What would you do?
Post # 3
She does sound pushy. It sounds like she is intentionally making it difficult for you to say no.
Reply to her e-mail and be nice but tell her you haven’t decided on a dress style yet but you will let her know. It might help to tell her you will find a reasonably priced dress.
Or alternatively, go find the dress you want now and simply e-mail her that this is the dress and just pretend she never said anything about any other dress. Passive aggressive yes, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - Ranch
Mmmmm…the aunts..tsk tsk tsk…I totally agree with Mrs. Chapiko. I say you let her know very nicely that you had another idea for YOUR wedding. Or, like Mrs. Chapiko said, act like you never saw her email haha
Post # 5
I agree with the other gals…. let her know nicely you have planned “short, summery dresses”. I had a similar situation but quickly pointed out that the color was “off” from my color theme 😉 Guess I had a way easier out… goodluck though and let us know what happens!
Post # 6
I would just tell her its too bad and you have something else picked out for YOUR wedding… Its not your fault she is so pushy and assuming!
Post # 7
I hate conflict so i’d probably just find cheap dresses at Ross that I liked and buy them myself, that way I wouldn’t have to worry as much.
But for normal people who can deal with conflict, I agree with the others. Just tell her you wanted summery dresses.
Post # 8
I’d buy the dresses I wanted for the flower girls. Tell the Aunt that you didn’t want to use the dress from the other wedding, it isn’t your vision, but you didn’t want to cost her extra money, so you’re going to pick up the tab for her dress.
Post # 9
why don’t you just buy the dresses yourself? you can find really cute summer dresses at any department store, marshalls, or target. my fg’s dress was $15.
Post # 10
I agree, buy the dress that you want them to wear yourself. Since your aunt bought the other dress a little bigger, her daughter could still wear it elsewhere in the future.
Post # 11
Did you want her children in the wedding in the first place? It seems like you didn’t.
I agree with PP, that you can buy her a dress.
And lastly, I think 2 is way too young to be a flower girl, she will prob have to be taken down the aisl with mommy or break into tears. I’d get some opinons on this.
Post # 12
Well, if you didn’t like the dress in the first place, I would have told her that you didn’t think her kids could use it in your wedding when she was buying the dresses for the wedding back then. As it is now, maybe you can spring for both flower girls. Hopefully your budget is not majorly stressed as it is. I’m sorry. Relatives. ARGGGHHH!
Post # 13
So the aunt bought the dress for a DIFFERENT wedding and wants her child to wear it again at yours?
I wouldn’t even offer to foot the bill for it personally, because the original dress wasn’t purchased specifically for YOUR wedding. I think you should just find something reasonably priced that matches your vision and let the aunt know where she can purchase it. I wouldn’t even mention the original dress.
Post # 14
I retract that you should pay for it. I missread your original post. Yeah I agree with Jamaica bride.
Post # 15
Yes, as JamaicaBride says.
So much of wedding planning is the art of saying “no.” Just because you say no doesn’t make you ungracious.
Post # 16
I can see why the aunt doesn’t want to purchase another dress. However, it is really ridiculous that she would expect her daughter to wear the same dress for your wedding. If family peace is an issue, I would just pay for a new dress. It sounds like your vision is much less pricey anyway. My Flower Girl dresses came from Burlington Coat Factory. They were $25 each.