(Closed) Do I tell his fiance he's a serial cheater?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Are you absolutely sure that he doesn’t have an open relationship with her as well, or that she isn’t aware of what he’s doing already? 

Edit: He sounds like he has a lot of rope and sooner or later will hang himself with it. If everything you’ve said is true, it’s going to be hard for her now or later, if she hears it from you or finds out for herself. The part that would be bad, though, is if she starts building a family and a life with him as a big piece and then finds out that it was all imaginary. That would be more devastating than just finding out about a cheater.

I don’t really know what the right answer is. If it were me, and if someone knew that a man I was engaged to harbored horrible dark secrets like that, I would like to know. I just don’t know that I wouldn’t shoot the messenger (figuratively), and I don’t know whether it would be enough for me to break it off without further proof.

Post # 4
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

i’d want to know, and if she isn’t a complete idiot with half a brain, she probably already has suspicions.

 

My friend went through something similar recently and had to make that decision. She chose to tell because someone shoudl have full disclsoure before they marry someone. The girl already pretty much knew, she just didn’t have the evidence. 

Post # 5
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation…it kind of seems like you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I think if I were you, I’d tell her…but it’s rough, either way. Just think, it’s better for her “fairytale” to be over before it begins, and not after the wedding, or they have kids…

Post # 6
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This is tough – but I think you said it yourself.  You won’t shed a tear over a lost friendship with him.  If I was the other girl, I would want to know now, before the wedding, kids, etc.

Post # 7
Member
2418 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@fallsgirl:  +1

He may have an open relationship with her just as you have with your husband.

However, if you know that their relationship isn’t open, then I would cut contact with him and I would not tell her. I don’t think you want to be known as a homewrecker.

Post # 8
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Am I the only one who immediately associate this post with the naked pics post and the girl in Kansas?

OP, yes, I would tell her.  Don’t look at it as ruining her life, look at it like you’re saving her life.  Just be polite, respectful, and if she’s already in an open relationship and knows about it, then no harm, no foul.

I highly suspect she doesn’t though.

Post # 9
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think the answer is no. You just stop your communication with the dude. She’ll figure things out on her own.

Post # 10
Member
598 posts
Busy bee

Hmm, hard call. I don’t know if I’d have the heart to be the one to tell her. I know I would want to know as well. Either way she’ll find out on her own eventually.

Post # 11
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If I didn’t mind losing his friendship, I would tell her. I feel bad for the girls that come after her, if there is nobody to warn them.

Post # 12
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Personally, I think you should do her the favor and tell her the truth that her fiance refuses to share with her.

 

I found out that one of my exes was cheating b/c the girl’s SO msged me on FB and told me.  They had an open relationship as well but my ex and her were co-workers and they had a condition to only get involved with strangers.  So whatever, he was mad and told me out of his own spite.  It was definitely not the best way for me to find out but in retrospect, I’m so glad that I knew before things progressed further with my ex.

 

Post # 15
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Hmmmm…… you know, before I would have said no, just keep out of it and don’t talk to him again. But…

The fact that I have been cheated on in the past, I would have actually appreciated being told by one of those girls. I felt that after I caught the guy I had wasted a year of my life with him when I could have been with someone else. Being told would have been nice.

I would tell her and then not have anything to do with him ever again.

Post # 14
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Quietserenity:  I did too! 

If you choose to tell her, you have the option to do it anonymously.  Set up a fake Facebook and tell her that way.

I really don’t know if you should tell her or not.  I haven’t been in this situation so I have no idea and cannot offer any advice, 

Good luck

 

ETA: After reading the points of many other women here, I think you should tell her.  She won’t marry a cheating scumbag and you can live without any guilt because you did the right thing.

Post # 16
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

I would want to know. I would want to know like, yesterday! This is such a nasty position to be in, but he did tell you numerous times he wasn’t serious about anyone. I’d make that clear to her. It’s going to be really shitty for her right now, but it will give her a chance to actually find her fairy tale. Good luck

eta: for those saying don’t tell her, she’ll figure it out on her own eventually.. What if its after the wedding.. Or after she has children with the scumbag.. Or after she gets a disease he’s picked up on one of his escapades? I can understand wanting to stay out of things however I had a LDR before i met my man and nearly moved across the country to be with a jerko who was serially cheating on me. And guess who got up the courage to tell me about it? HIs sister! It is not fair to knowingly dismiss information that could potentially ruin someone’s life!

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