(Closed) Do I tell mom about engagement/wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think if you want to continue a realtionship with your mom you need to contact her and mend things before sending a std or invite. 

You said that you have nothing to say to her but you are concerned her feelings would get hurt… so you obviously still care about her as your mother. So since this is the case, I say extend yourself. I know it sucks to have to be the one to make things work, but sometimes it is how it has to be. 

Post # 4
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well, it appears that you have a rocky relationship, and then you went ahead an told her your getting married and your not invited. I think your mom has accepted that you have written her off you you both don’t get along to well at the moment.

I’d reccomend trying to re-build the relaitonship! You are in a wonderful time in your life, and your future may be full of wonderful things like children- you don’t want this being a bad apple. I would give her a call or stop by- and just chat. if you have any regrets or aplogizes, air them out then. Then go from there, by sending save the dates etc etc.

Best of luck!

Post # 5
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yes, you need to tell her regardless of what you think her reaction will be.  She is your mother and deserves to know.  Hiding it from her won’t do you two any good.  Remember, she may be upset and against it, but it’s your life and she can’t prevent it.

Post # 6
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Say sorry for whatever you said and definitely tell her about the engagement no matter how rancid her reaction may turn out to be. She’s your only mom and I’m sure you’ll feel better, that you didn’t delay on the message about your soon to be engagement! My mom is veryyy opinionated, but I still have a good relationship with her. I was always told “Principles before Personality’s”

Post # 7
3943 posts
Honey bee

Yes, I think when the time comes you should tell your mom. I have fought with my mom many times throughout the years, and she has said very hurtful things to me and about me. But at the end of the day…she is still your mom. Not telling her could lead to even more hurt and negative feelings, which could prevent you ever having a better relationship with her.

With that said, my sister and I havent spoken in years because of comments she made about my fiance (he was my boyfriend then). When we got engaged I didnt want to tell her, but my fiance convinced me that I should. Her reaction completely broke my heart, and basically have ruined chances at a relationship in the future.

So my point is, I think you should tell her and hope for the best. But also be prepared.

Post # 8
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

When you get engaged, you should call her, apologize for saying she’s not invited to the wedding, and tell her that you hope she’ll be there in May. Leave it in a voicemail if you have to. I’m not saying she wasn’t in the wrong (I can’t tell you how much I HATE the term “white trash”), but she’s your mom–it’s worth doing absolutely everything you can to mend your relationship. You’ll never regret reaching out to her.

ETA: Actually, you don’t need to wait till you’re engaged to call her! Do that asap…

Post # 9
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I think this is a great time of year to mend fences.  Reach out to her.


By The Way, I don’t really understand the comment about not getting a thank you for a Christmas card.  We send them out and some of our friends also send them, but I don’t expect an acknolwedgement of the card.  Don’t hold that against your mom.

Post # 10
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yea, I’m going to agree with everyone else. You need to fix things.

I don’t have the best relationship with my mother- and she hasn’t even really been a part of my life. I don’t consider myself to have a mother. So when she calls me and yells at me for not talking to her, it gets heated. She only wrote on my facebook wall for my birthday and said “ty” when I said happy birthday to her.

That being said- I fully plan on calling her (she lives 8 hours away by car) when my SO pops the question. She’s my mom, and as much as we’ve had our words with each other, deep down I feel as though she (and your mom) deserve to know and hear it from us.

It will only be worse if she finds out another way =

Post # 12
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Only you know the relationship you have with your mom so you should do what feels right to you. We can’t choose our families and sometimes we need a break from them. Maybe sit down and think if this is a relationship you want to mend right away or if you need more time before you can talk to her rationally without getting into a heated discussion. I think easing into it with an e-mail was a good tactic. In some situations a moderator helps or perhaps attending a counseling session or two together so you can get your feelings out there in a healthy way. Mending the relationship isn’t impossible but it may take more than just you to fix it. 

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