Post # 1
Long story short, my mom go mad at me for a stupid reason. Yelling and screaming ensued and I told her this is why I don’t come to her house and I would be spending Christmas with my boyfriends family. She told me to go ahead and spend Christmas with his “white trash” family. That really pissed me off since my bf is the best bf I’ve ever had. I have never had a man treat me the way he does. He treats me like a princess and you would think that would make her happy. Well, her comment really pissed me off so I told her that we’re getting married and she isn’t invited to the wedding. I have not heard from her since. It has been over three weeks. We included her in our Christmas card list and have not gotten a thank you. Bf is planning to propose in the next month to three months and we have planned a Vegas wedding for the end of May. My question is, should I let her know when we get engaged? Should I call her and tell her of our wedding plans or just send her a save the date and invitation? I have absolutely nothing to say to her but feel like she would be hurt if I didn’t tell her.
Post # 3
I think if you want to continue a realtionship with your mom you need to contact her and mend things before sending a std or invite.
You said that you have nothing to say to her but you are concerned her feelings would get hurt… so you obviously still care about her as your mother. So since this is the case, I say extend yourself. I know it sucks to have to be the one to make things work, but sometimes it is how it has to be.
Post # 4
Well, it appears that you have a rocky relationship, and then you went ahead an told her your getting married and your not invited. I think your mom has accepted that you have written her off you you both don’t get along to well at the moment.
I’d reccomend trying to re-build the relaitonship! You are in a wonderful time in your life, and your future may be full of wonderful things like children- you don’t want this being a bad apple. I would give her a call or stop by- and just chat. if you have any regrets or aplogizes, air them out then. Then go from there, by sending save the dates etc etc.
Best of luck!
Post # 5
Yes, you need to tell her regardless of what you think her reaction will be. She is your mother and deserves to know. Hiding it from her won’t do you two any good. Remember, she may be upset and against it, but it’s your life and she can’t prevent it.
Post # 6
Say sorry for whatever you said and definitely tell her about the engagement no matter how rancid her reaction may turn out to be. She’s your only mom and I’m sure you’ll feel better, that you didn’t delay on the message about your soon to be engagement! My mom is veryyy opinionated, but I still have a good relationship with her. I was always told “Principles before Personality’s”
Post # 7
Yes, I think when the time comes you should tell your mom. I have fought with my mom many times throughout the years, and she has said very hurtful things to me and about me. But at the end of the day…she is still your mom. Not telling her could lead to even more hurt and negative feelings, which could prevent you ever having a better relationship with her.
With that said, my sister and I havent spoken in years because of comments she made about my fiance (he was my boyfriend then). When we got engaged I didnt want to tell her, but my fiance convinced me that I should. Her reaction completely broke my heart, and basically have ruined chances at a relationship in the future.
So my point is, I think you should tell her and hope for the best. But also be prepared.
Post # 8
When you get engaged, you should call her, apologize for saying she’s not invited to the wedding, and tell her that you hope she’ll be there in May. Leave it in a voicemail if you have to. I’m not saying she wasn’t in the wrong (I can’t tell you how much I HATE the term “white trash”), but she’s your mom–it’s worth doing absolutely everything you can to mend your relationship. You’ll never regret reaching out to her.
ETA: Actually, you don’t need to wait till you’re engaged to call her! Do that asap…
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
I think this is a great time of year to mend fences. Reach out to her.
By The Way, I don’t really understand the comment about not getting a thank you for a Christmas card. We send them out and some of our friends also send them, but I don’t expect an acknolwedgement of the card. Don’t hold that against your mom.
Post # 10
Yea, I’m going to agree with everyone else. You need to fix things.
I don’t have the best relationship with my mother- and she hasn’t even really been a part of my life. I don’t consider myself to have a mother. So when she calls me and yells at me for not talking to her, it gets heated. She only wrote on my facebook wall for my birthday and said “ty” when I said happy birthday to her.
That being said- I fully plan on calling her (she lives 8 hours away by car) when my SO pops the question. She’s my mom, and as much as we’ve had our words with each other, deep down I feel as though she (and your mom) deserve to know and hear it from us.
It will only be worse if she finds out another way =
Post # 11
Well, I’m not ready to speak with her so I sent her an e-mail today telling her how I feel and our plans. We’ll see how it goes…
Post # 12
Only you know the relationship you have with your mom so you should do what feels right to you. We can’t choose our families and sometimes we need a break from them. Maybe sit down and think if this is a relationship you want to mend right away or if you need more time before you can talk to her rationally without getting into a heated discussion. I think easing into it with an e-mail was a good tactic. In some situations a moderator helps or perhaps attending a counseling session or two together so you can get your feelings out there in a healthy way. Mending the relationship isn’t impossible but it may take more than just you to fix it.