(Closed) Do I tell my parents…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Tell them? (read the post)
    Yes. : (66 votes)
    75 %
    No. : (21 votes)
    24 %
    What if you...(below) : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    619 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I think you should tell them but also say that you are an adult and that they need to respect the reasons why you didnt tell them…if they find out another way, it will only be worse….youre an adult..you make your own decisions…and they need to trust you to make the right ones…

    Post # 4
    188 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think I would tell them, it will probably hurt their feelings a lot if they find out after the wedding, especially if they find out from someone else.  Not saying to lie about the situation, but just explain it and no need to go into all the dirty details (esp on your FI’s side) i think that would only make it harder for them to accept and make the relationship between your parents & Fiance more strained.

    Post # 5
    1032 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I say tell them simply for the fact that by not telling them, you could great an issue later

    It isn’t a big deal. I understand your reasons, But I mean it’s not a big deal in terms of : “its not a big deal if you tell them but it’s the kinda thing that becomes a big deal if it’s kept a secret and they find out about it”

    Also I find that honestly sometimes is best. If you tell them all your reasons for not having told them and why you want to….they may respond in a really supportive way.

    Post # 6
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I think you should tell them.  The damage done by being honest will be far less than the damage done by a slip of the tongue of a wedding guest.  You don’t need to go into the details of the situation, and if they ask simply say that it isn’t relevant (because really it isn’t). 

    Post # 7
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I would say if you’ve been together six years and it’s been more than six years since his divorce, then they should be adult about it like you are. Maybe sit down with them to have a discussion and break it to them that way. Don’t just blurt it out and don’t let them find out from his family at the wedding.

    Post # 8
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    i voted yes, i’m sure that they would rather hear it from you than from someone else, especially on your wedding day. i can only imagine one of his friends reference his first wedding by saying something like, “hope his one keeps” or something silly that friends tend to say at the wrong time.  my Fiance is also divorced and his best man at his first wedding is going to be the best man at ours (it’s is best friend). i joke that maybe we shouldn’t do that since he wasn’t much luck the first one. your parents my be a bit miffed but they’ll get over it.  when you do tell them, try not to do it in front of everyone.  best of luck.

    Post # 9
    1209 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Tough! My Fiance was previously married as well to his highschool/college sweetheart. 2 years into the marriage it was over. They did not have any children either I have never heard the entire story, but I believe that she cheated on him. Anyhow, it was very hard for me to tell my parents about my Fiance as well. I come from a rather religious and traditional family so I know what you are going through. My problem was that I live in a small town and not telling them was never an option. People are cruel and love to bring up things like that. Luckily for me my parents were “okay” with it and we have not talked about it since. Your parents may surprise you. While it is normal for us to think that our parents will not “get it” and may not be supportive when telling them something like this, often times I find that I am surprised by how supportive my parents really are. Good luck!! =)

    Post # 10
    281 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010 - The Glen Manor House

    This is so challenging, and I absolutely understand your dilemma. Here is some free advice from a therapist (me): sit down with your parents before your wedding and have your fiancee tell them that he was previously married.

    It is perfectly understandable that you want to protect him and maintain his privacy, but this is his past and as he is about to become a member of your family he needs to do so in complete and total honesty.

    It is most definitely a difficult decision to make, but ultimately it will feel like an amazing burdeon has been lifted. Just realize what you are doing is protecting him (and his reputation in your parents’ eyes) which is natural and honorable, but they are accepting him as a son, and they shoud accept him fully as you have.

    Also, if it makes it easier, you can all agree to have the conversation, ask whatever questions need to be asked, and then leave the past in the past.


    Post # 12
    7405 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Secrets are never good- it will come out some day and then they will be more hurt than if you tell them now yourselves.

    Post # 13
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I would tell them, but keep in mind while doing so that you don’t owe them an explanation of all the nitty gritty.

    That is, all you need divulge is that he was previously married and it didn’t work out – not the particulars of why.

    Post # 15
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    My parents were…pretty direct…when my Darling Husband and I told them that he had already been married and had a daughter.  My parents are Catholic as well, so adding the child to the picture really didn’t help.  I think it’s best to get it out in the open now, because they deserve to know your Fiance for who he is, and either love him for it or not.  My parents took a while to get over it, but now they don’t mention it anymore.

    Post # 16
    2398 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    @ monita – I see what you mean.  I guess, though, ifit were me I would ultimately err on the side of FI’s privacy. 

    They know him well, no?  And like him?  Will six years of treating you well and being loyal, dependable, etc. be wiped out by the knowledge that he made a mistake in the now distant past?

    Would you be telling them yourself, or would you and Fiance sit them down for a discussion together?  That seems like it might be best because, really, it’s his story.  That way he’d be able to decide how much and what information was shared and be there to face their reaction directly.

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