- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I’m in a bit of a bind. Long story short, my Fiance (who has a PhD) gave the unthoughtful response of “you wouldn’t understand” to some of my family friends when questioned about what he did for his job. They were insulted, but quickly came back (apparently) with a “well you wouldn’t understand my job either” (the guy has a Masters but is teaching high school Spanish).
I wasn’t there, I didn’t hear it, and I can only guess about the circumstances, but my family “grapevine” was sure to pass this information along to me with the insinuation that this was not acceptable and very embarrassing behavior, in a passive aggressive way that only a Southern family can do (based on my experience).
Doubtless, the people who he was talking to COULD possibly understand, given enough time (they too have graduate degrees, just in a different field), but my guess is he didn’t want to talk about it. He’s from the Midwest, where communication is quite different, and he also is not the most political creature in the world.
Normally, I’d letting sleeping dogs lie, but we have our own wedding coming up, here in the Midwest, where it’s very possible the parts of my Southern family that come up are going to getting repeatedly offended. The last thing I need is for my Fiance to use this phrase as his ‘go to’ or ‘out’ for talking about work.
If I had been standing there, this would be an easy choice. However, my family is very passive aggressive, and after lots of counseling, I broke the cycle, more or less and would usually not touch this with a 10 foot pole. But my mother, particularly, gets very offended by my Fiance often for his blunt manner and is definitely not in love with the guy. So far I’ve mostly stayed out of it because when I meddle, it usually makes it worse. But this time, should I say anything? Like, “hey honey, the grapevine said you might use “you wouldn’t understand” as an conversation out and that’s probably not the best idea”?
Humility is not his strong point, something which my family has apparently taken waaay to much to heart, so for all I know maybe he really didn’t think they’d understand, but I seriously doubt it. He’s not a jerk.