Post # 1
So here’s for the long drawn out story.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years now and about a year into dating we started talking about marriage. We decided that we really wanted to get married in winter and thought that Dec. 2016 would be the best time since we would both still have an extended christmas break and weren’t sure where life will take us after he graduates college. Howver, since I graduated high school I have put on some weight. I had gained about 20 pounds after 2 years of dating, and I was constantly wanting to lose weight before we got married.
Due to finaces, my boyfriend wasn’t going to purchase my ring until after he worked during our second summer together. He doesn’t work during the school year. Instead, he works in the oilfield each summer. That summer was also when we decided to move in together. I had graduated college and was working on a masters degree while also working to support us. My boyfriend got my ring custom made and recieved it in September 2015. I told him to wait to propose until I had lost 20-30 pounds. However, I was sure that I could lose the weight before December, and I decided to start making wedding plans so things wouldn’t book up. In January 2016 we booked a resort in Colarado for our honeymoon and were going to plan a small elopment ceremony with just our immediate family. Due to issues with his family, we decided to cancel our reservation when there was still time to recieve the deposit. I was also relieved, because I hadn’t done a good job with losing weight. In fact, I had gained more. I was happy to have more time back to lose weight.
With the shift in plans, we were kind of in limbo and decided that maybe we would elope to New Zealand sometime in Summer of 2017. We still wanted a winter wedding but didn’t think we would want to wait until Dec. 2017.
Recently though, we discussed just eloping this winter, our original Dec. 2016. We would spend Christmas in New York and get married there as a wedding/elopment. We both love the idea and the finances are there. Unfortunatly, over the last year of living together, I have gained an additional 50 pounds, making it at least 70-80 pounds that I want to lose. I know that this is not possible by this Dec. 2016.
Basically with this long rant, I just need some advice on whether or not I need to suck it up and wait until I actually lose the weight before getting married or if I should suck it up and get married even though I won’t be skinny? I want to be skinny but I also want to get married. I also know that being skinny isn’t what marriage is about, but I know that I have horrible self-esteem and want to make sure I loook back fondly on everything.
Post # 2
Hi there! Welcome to Weddingbee. Here is my take:
Life is way too short to put off happiness until we achieve some perfect version of ourselves. Put it this way: your fiancé wants to marry you as you are now, or you wouldn’t be planning any kind of wedding, right? Being “skinny” isn’t going to make you more worthy of marriage or more ready to be someone’s wife. And frankly, goals are good, but trying to lose a bunch of weight rapidly for something like your wedding is way less healthy long-term than making livable lifestyle changes for gradual, SUSTAINABLE weight loss over time.
I say go ahead and get married now. You will look gorgeous just as you are in your photos; a beautiful bride is YOU looking happy, getting married to your best friend. There is no template for what an “ideal bride” should look like–I don’t care what Pinterest says. Real brides in real life are all shapes and sizes, and guess what? They all look beautiful. So will you. And if your ring size changes dramatically later–so what? You can always resize your ring (or get another one ;)).
Many congratulations on your exciting new future with your fiancé!
Post # 3
Don’t put your life on hold because of your weight.
I really wanted to lose weight before my wedding, it didn’t happen. My wedding was still amazing and my husband thought I looked gorgeous and even though we don’t have our pro-pics back yet, I love a lot of the pictures our guests took because I look so happy in them!
Now, after the wedding I am actually losing weight! Which is awesome and it’s okay that it’s happening after the wedding.
So my advice is to start on your journey to beaing healthy now but don’t put the rest of your life on hold for it. Weight loss is hard and there’s so many ups and downs and you could be waiting a long time for that wedding.
ETA: I suggest checking out Pretty Pear Bride – it’s a wedding blog for plus-sized brides. It helped me feel a lot better about my weight seeing brides that looked like me and were absolutely stunning on thier wedding days. It can get hard when all you see are skinny brides everywhere.
Post # 4
I just wanted to send you hugs because I can imagine this is a hard position to be in and I don’t have a good answer to give you. It sounds like you’re dealing with some really common body image issues and no magic words I could write on a message board are going to fix that – if there were I’d write them in a book and be a billionaire 😉 No, I don’t think being skinny is important, and I don’t think that you should put your life on hold waiting for your body to look the way you think it should. But just saying that doesn’t mean a whole lot does it?
The only advice I can give you is to consider addressing your body image concerns with a counselor and consider talking with a nutritionist or medical professional to make sure that your recent weight gain isn’t a symptom of a greater problem.
Also want to mention that the human body is a freaking work of art in absolutely any size.
Post # 5
I agree that consulting with your doctor and a nutritionist about your weight gain is a really smart idea. Not only can they check that everything in your general medical picture looks the way it should, but they can also help you map out a healthier path to weight loss that lasts.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I personally wouldn’t wait!
Post # 7
No, don’t put your life on hold until you lose weight!
I also wanted to lose weight before my wedding. Instead I gained more weight. I’m still glad that the wedding happened.
Post # 8
Nope, don’t wait for that silly of a reason. Stop beating yourself up we all get older and our bodies change from when we were teenagers.
Post # 9
I agree with pp’s that you should not put your happimess and wedding on hold. Get married if you want to get married 🙂 In addition, I would start trying to live a healthier lifestyle. Don’t focus on losing weight, just start making some decisions that align with your long term health goals.
Post # 10
I think that there’s no harm in starting a healthy lifestyle right now not only to help you lose some weight but to be overall healthy. I understand that you want a winter wedding but the winter usually lasts until March, so maybe you guys can plan on a wedding at the beginning of 2017 to give you time to get into better shape so you feel good on your wedding day.
Yes, you shouldn’t put your happiness on hold to achieve a certain “look” but I feel like if you are really unhappy with your weight now, this attitude may cloud how you look back on your pictures which also wouldn’t be fair to you. My opinion is to go see a nutritionist and get yourself on a good (and helathy) diet plan and begin incorporating some exercise into your routine. Looking good is feeling good 🙂
Post # 11
Absolutely do not wait. I thought I would lose weight after the engagement/before the wedding. Of course that’s always the plan. I haven’t dropped a pound. I’m 3 weeks away and couldn’t be happier to marry the man I love. Living healthier should still be a part of the plan, but don’t wait on your wedding for it.
Post # 12
Don’t wait to lose weight! You can always start developing healthier habits now, but getting to some weight goal shouldn’t be a reason not to get married!
Post # 13
First off, don’t put off your wedding just because you want to lose weight. I was my heaviest when I got married. I had a goal of losing 30-40lbs, but only lost 5lbs. I still had a wonderful wedding day and do not regret or feel bad about how I looked.
Secondly, I recommend looking at losing weight as a lifestyle change. For me, this makes losing weight a bit less daunting. You can definitely loose 10-15lbs before December if you focus on healthier habits, so try to remain positive!
Post # 14
I agree with the others, don’t wait. I’m the heaviest I’ve been in ages after just having a baby and while i know I’d feel more confident if I was the same size as before, I just want to be married to my wonderful man now and I know he loves me just as much now as he did then. And so does your fiance!
Post # 15
If you postpone your wedding in order to lose weight, you’ll quite likely just end up putting off the actual weight loss Oh, I still have a whole year to lose weight, I’ll start tomorrow/next Monday/after Thanksgiving/New Year’s Eve etc. I’m not saying this snottily or judgmentally but as someone who would totally do this too. Instead do these 2 things: 1. make weight loss about your overall health and a re-focus to healthy eating habits, not about looking good for a certain event 2. find ways to feel good about yourself now instead of letting self-consciousness prevent you from living your life fully until you reach a certain number on the scale. Do small little things to pamper yourself to make you feel pretty, focus on positive attributes of yours that have nothing to do with your physical appearance. Good luck Bee 🙂