Post # 1
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
We had a couple email us the day before the wedding saying they couldn’t make it due to illness but that they’d like our address to send a card. It’s been 3 weeks and no card (no problem!) but we are trying to get our thank you’s finished by the 1 month mark. We’ve been writing “thank you for sharing our day” notes to people that came (gift or none) but I’m not sure what to write in theirs, if to write at all.
Any ideas on etiquette here?
Post # 2
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
They didn’t share your day, they didn’t send a gift. Unless you are writing thank you notes saying “hey, thanks for not showing up,” I am not sure you have anything to thank them for.
If they end up sending you something, write a thank you, even if it is after your one month mark
Post # 3
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
What would you be thanking them for?
Post # 4
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
JustMe12182: cmbr: This is a good point…thanks for notifying us beforehand? No idea, it sounds silly now that you both pointed it out.
Post # 5
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
There is nothing thank them for, so no card. That would be weird!
Post # 6
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Katepants: I agree with PPs – what would you be thanking them for? Obviously thank them if they sent a gift, but otherwise, no thank you card. In fact, it would be weird to receive one in my opinion.
Post # 7
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
If they didn’t show up or send a gift, the thank you card might come off a bit snarky.
Post # 8
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
Katepants: No gift, no card, no attendance – no thank you necessary. Go ahead and send all your other thank you cards out. If you get a card from this couple after your thank yous go out, it’s not a big deal to send them a thank you card after everyone else.
Post # 9
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
Katepants: Thank you notes are for gifts. Your reception is the “thank you” to guests for attending your wedding ceremony. Sending a thank you to a guest just for attending the ceremony is not proper etiquette, and it can actually come across as gifty-grabby.
Post # 10
Member
9756 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I agree with PPs, if they didn’t attend and didn’t send a card and/or gift you don’t need to send a thank you. I disagree with PP, I think people who attended, whether or not they gave a gift, should still be sent a thank you card.
Post # 11
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
First, kudos to you for thinking about this. I think it says a lot about your politeness (is that a word?) that a) you want to get your thank you’s out promptly and b) you considered thanking these people.
That said, I wouldn’t thank them – as others have said, what do you thank them for? I’m one of those people who sends thank you cards for everything (I have to pretty much physically restrain myself from sending a thank you card to people for sending ME a thank you card haha) and even I think there’s nothing for you to do here unless you get a gift from them in the future.
Post # 12
Member
5659 posts
Bee Keeper
LOL what exactly would you be thanking them for? I’d not send anything until and IF they send you a gift. Not just a card either. You can verbally let them know you got the card.
Post # 13
Member
2510 posts
Sugar bee
You could thank them in an email for letting you know ahead of time. But I written thank you card would be weird and even though you mean it to be polite, *etiquette* would say you were fishing for a gift.
So if they send a card, then send out their thank you. Otherwise don’t worry about it.
Post # 14
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
playdohpants: MsJ2theZ: jaykwellan: Jacqui90: merpitymerp: ellie-b:
julesbeeb: aussiemum1248: HappyTrails: thanks all for your responses and reality checks, I won’t be sending a card, just got caught up in the thank you card writing mayhem!
Post # 15
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
Katepants: Same thing happened to us – the guest even asked for our address to send a card/gift though she couldn’t make us. It’s been six months and we never received anything from her. No thank you card for her.
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